Monday, December 31, 2007

The Messenger

Before me she appeared, a Messenger of faith and hope. Her hair was curly, her brown skin as pure and smooth as the butter freshly after being churned. Her lips were delicate, but her eyes held the wisdom of one hundred lives. She had come to me as I needed her now.

I looked up, when I had the courage to see her and I uttered with a shake in my voice, “Understand I no longer have the strength of a woman, or the pride of a man. I have opened my heart so many times, only to be left demented and broken like shattered glass, completely un-manned. No that with me no longer the need for her touch exists. For now I long for a lover who’s heart bleeds for the sight of me, too hold me close and softly caress inside of me. My fight is constant to be patient and believe, but I know as the rules dictate, I must wait for her to find me. What a terrible shame, I only see myself to blame.”

She turned to me, a smile across her face. She looked inside me, than turned to look me in my face. She placed her hand on my cheek and stroked it gently with empathy for me, she spoke:
“My child you have desperately lost your way. No matter how many times love abandons you through the cold hand of another’s touch, you must remain strong with the sensitivity of human touch. So many unfortunates, turn into pillars of steel. It is the will of your heart, your passion for her, that you will find your way back to me.”

A tear rolls down the side of my face. I am standing with my eyes squeezed tight and I realize my state of utter disgrace. I let out a howl that seems to make the sky turn gray, all the birds turn around and quickly fly away.

I try and breath and step back into my words, “I do not know how much more I can take, I feel that sadness is my only constant landscape. I have tired to be good, I have tried to be kind. I have love and supported, been open towards her mind. But what has it got me, memories that will fade in time? Tears on my pillow, that fall with the strength of my mind. They fall hard and my spirit feels ill. I long for her touch and her beauty to reveal.”

I look up and seek her, the Messenger's eyes to see the truth, “Do not think too much about that which was once yours, that which you have lost. Keep faith that the light will conquer darkness and that which you have fought for, the namesake of love will always remain in the hearts of those you have touched. Be free, do not give up on me.”

With the blink of an eye, she was gone. I looked in the mirror and swore to be the woman I had fought to be. Love is my arrow and faith is my shield. Stand aside if you do not wish to believe in me.

"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave."
-Mahandas Ghandi

Friday, December 28, 2007

"Why's It So Hard?" -- Madonna/1993 Girlie Show

Benazir Bhutto: Life and Times

Bloody Turmoil: Benazir Bhutto's Death

I am ashamed. Benazir’s Bhutto’s assassination is a senseless act of contribution that is saturated in pure illusion of fundamentalist savage.

I do not think that things can get worse in Pakistan. We are constantly bombarded with the countries political and social turmoil’s in the past years, riots on the streets, crowds of protesters that oppose the abuse of the people, which is administered by their very own governments hands.

{Bhutto photographed before her assassination on December 27, 2007}

Taleban extremism is at a point of no return. They are no longer acts of sustaining ones religious views. Now they are cowardly acts of inflicting unimaginable grief on the human condition. We are all one.

Have you ever watched someone blow up in front of you? I feel sadness at the idea of what has occurred in Pakistan with Bhutto’s death. What the Taleban have succeeded in destroying is not only a remarkable woman of strength, character and powerful instinct, but also the political future that marks the fate of Pakistan’s future in the January 8th elections.

The rioting has begun; her people loved her. For eight years Benazir Bhutto led her people towards a vision of a democratic future with a perspective of peace in her land.

Her death leaves a vacuum for unknown circumstance, which could lead to more destruction and annihilation than Pakistan has ever faced before. Blood is on their hands for years now, but the question now remains to see if they will drown in their own fluids of hopelessness.

Hopelessness is the darkness within all of our hearts and reminds us of the relentless harm we can bludgeon upon of neighbours, friends and upon our world. Bhutto’s death is almost a precursor for even more violence, a possible state of emergency or even marital law.

It does not matter how she died, some say bullet wounds, others say with a splinter through her head after she fell back into her vehicle after the detonation of a attempted suicide bomber. 20 were killed and Bhutto taken away in the blink of a political eye. She was TAKEN too soon. She was Pakistan's flicker of hope, as she was able to petition for a climate of change. The people believed in her visions.

The leader of the Pakistan People’s Party, Benazir Bhutto, like her father who was hung by a former military dictator 30 years ago, is another casualty of the recklessness of selfishness of ambitions and beliefs.

Very few people are capable of standing by their beliefs like Ms. Bhutto. Her leadership of the PPP was never simple, but she never swayed from reaching her most optimum goal. Creating an environment for Pakistan to grown into a peaceful and safe country was never a near attainable goal, but she understood the requirement for change or the fate of complete destruction.

The politically inspiring have consistently fallen at the hands of human haste and fear.
We fear what we cannot change in ourselves, even if we live in a state of discontent and uncertainty. Change is harder than redundancy in politics. Staying with the pace of change requires the determination of the strongest of heart, mind and spirit.

The personal tragedy for this family is devastating - Ms Bhutto's two brothers also died violently, one was poisoned, the other shot and as mentioned, her father hung. The Bhutto’s have epitomized the footprints of Pakistan's bloody political scene since its inception in 1947.

Islamist extremism and the Pakistani Taleban remain an all encompassing tragedy in the state. These warriors of destruction already possess large chunks of territory, where they carry out senses acts of violence and aggression on innocents on a daily basis.

Do they even know what they are fighting for anymore?

MS. Bhutto had the political base to actually conduct a war against these extremists, silence their deafening sound of bombs being set-off. This is why they wanted her out of the picture. The loyalty of her people was inspiring, as they marched with her body for 2km in her funeral procession, heads hung low and the cry of violence permeating like the tears of a nation torn.

I can only hope that world leaders insist that a return to civilian rule is imminent and necessary. Military dictatorship should now be laid to rest over the death with the body of this most flamboyant leader.

Rest in peace.

Thursday, December 20, 2007


I know you have heard this a MILLION times, but it is still my fave Christmas song. So here you are lovelies!

Also notice what a useless dancer MC is! Dear god, she is ethnic and has NO rhythm! The only black men there are the ghetto Santa's that dance for her! Shooooooot!


Wednesday, December 19, 2007


I was completely obsessed with Project Runway Canada, Cycle One. I watched it like Mary did Jesus. Religion people, religion.

My favourite was always MG...she is a visionary that creates unique pieces for individuals with confidence and a slanted concept of style: non-mainstream, bold in style and not afraid to stand out of a crowd! I was a little disappointed with her final collection, as I do not think that she investigated enough variety for a line at L'Oreal Fashion Week. Too safe for her creativity and talent. However, I don't think that many people would be bold enough to wear her pieces in Canada, she is better suited for a European woman.

Trust me, I have been to Fashion Week a few time and Canadians are not exactly international trailblazers in the fashion realm. BORING.

But at the same point, the three finalist, MG, Biddell and Lucian, all memorized me with their collections.

Lucian is a craftsmen whose handwork is beyond meticulous. However he lack the originality of Biddell and MG. He is very high fashion, but not very different then what we see splashed across many top designer collections today. Lucian created pieces for my 16th Century, courtesan identity. I can appreciate his work, but I do understand why he did not win.

Biddell, oh man! My Leo brother (my rising sign people!). He did a great job and his jackets are beautiful and sassy-eo! His best pieces. I think that he works well with the slightly "edgy" Canadian idea of style. Not too dramatic, but just enough to stand out. Clean lines, lovely colour palette and defiantly made from his own personalize style. His fat boy story made me like him a little more and now I understand why he acts like such a bitchy gay man. PROJECTION!

Evan Biddell is very talented in what he does, but I am not sure he has the maturity to make it so young. I suppose we will have to see! Look out for his line that will be hitting a Winners near you!

So too another cycle of FUN FUN FUN. Look out for it in January 08!


2007: Too Much Rain Over My Paradise

What can I say about 2007? This was defiantly a year for ThunderpussGeisha, of extreme HIGHS and terrible lows.
2007 will be remembered by me in my personal journey, as the year in which I fell MADLY in love, got dumped, lost someone I love dearly and started to create the professional reality I want for my life.

I have spent most of this year stretching myself too thin at the expense of elevating others and a blind faith in love as the end all of all my happiness. I lost myself completley to myself.

I just got carried away by wanting the things that I could not have to hold and believing that dreams can come true if you just want them bad enough. I allowed others to insult me by not limiting my hurt. Growing pains were around every corner I turned and no matter how I ran; they followed me and stared me right in my face.

2007 was the toughest year I have had in many years, so I will always remember the challenges, disappointments and heart breaks that I felt. Depression felt like an unwelcome companion and my faith in real love seemed tainted by constant abandonment.

I now have come to see the imperfection of/in myself. Thank you to those who have showed themselves to be my dearest friends and family. Thanks for holding my head up to stop the tears from falling, giving me plenty of nice hugs and just letting me feel and think my way through all the confusion, but always being there to guide a light to my way.

Good things do not come easy. You can’t run away from your problems, they will be there to shadow you when you run out of breath. It is okay to be kind, but remember that humans are innately selfish. Many of us stumble of our paths because we are wounded by the inconsideration of others. Peace of mind is necessity—not a privilege.

So forecast for 2008, you ask?
I say, I am finally feeling myself after months of anguish. So to that I say, look out for some fantastic energy, sassy style and controversial ideas
All courtesy of my BIG pretty mouth. I wish to continue to write more and get more of my writings out to the people! Love those who love me with the utmost tenderness.
Good times and great memories are ready to be made with the people that deserve to be special to me.

Fianlly, Balance-- I need to find balance. Life, love, work, friends, family, personal goals. I am ready to fly and flow.

Goodbye is the hardest thing to ever say, but goodbye it is. And to that I say hello 2008.

Wishing everyone all the best in 2008! Happy Holidays my multi-cultural readers!

I heart you all! Well, except you.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Phenomenal Film: "Lady Vengence"

Also recommended are Park-Chan Wook's other films, "Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance" (2002)& "Old Boy" (2003). He is a director that reminds us of the dull, redundancy of Western film making. He is a rare great artist, who's films are full of details, colour, humanity, artistic mastery and great storytelling.

Combining an array of film genres in all his works, you will not be disappointed or unenlightened for a moment.

See them all!

"Nobody Knows Me" -- Madonna

My freakin' theme song!!

Monday, December 10, 2007

A War of Head

Whose forehead would you put beats/bets on?


Brandy Norwood:

Yes, the former girl that was sitting up in her room and asked us, have we ever? Now turned killer (I ain’t making this up, she is a hit and run murderer! BLOP BLOP!). What can I say; her forehead is enough to cover a small nation from rainfall or protect a group of civilians from a bomb.

Sadly, the only thing I remember Brandy for is playing opposite Fairycrack Mother (aka WHITNEY!) and losing the boy to Monica. Not even the crown can hide her big-ass head!

Tyra Banks:

Besides being one of the most annoying and portentous people on TV, Tyra has one of the most mammoth and offensive foreheads. Housed on the top of this head is some of the worse wigs and weaves you have ever seen. People could skate of her forehead, even take naps. But the question is would you want that big mouth so close to your ears?

“Do you want to be on top” of this alien?

Who would you choose? HOLLER!

PS> My brother nominates Iman, but her head did not measure up on my list!
Yes, I may go to hell.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

Art-o-fact: Titian

Tiziano Vecelli or Tiziano Vecellio (c. 1485 – August 27, 1576), better known as Titian, was the leader of the 16th-century Venetian school of the Italian Renaissance. He was born in Pieve di Cadore, in the Cadore territory.

Titian, Self-Portrait

Recognized by his contemporaries as "the sun amidst small stars" (recalling the famous final line of Dante's Paradiso), Titian was one of the most versatile of Italian painters, equally adept with portraits and landscapes (two genres that first brought him fame), mythological and religious subjects. His lifespan was an unusually long one for his times. He enjoyed glory as one of the most renowned painters of the first half of his career. But as the Italian Renaissance spread its way into techniques of the Northern Renaissance, his manner drastically changed as well. However, what unites the two parts of his career is his deep interest in colour--he is spectacular with his palette for vivid images. His later works may not contain vivid, luminous tints as his early pieces do, yet their loose brushwork and subtlety of polychromatic modulations have no precedents in the history of Western art.

Source aid:

Highlighted Work:
"Venus of Urbino"
Titian, 1538
Oil on canvas
119 × 165 cm
Uffizi, Florence

Titian mastery of oil painting is vividly and concisely shown in this work. The "Venus of Urbino" depicts a nude goddess Venus, reclining gently on a couch or bed in the glorious surroundings of a Renaissance palace.

The pose is based on Giorgione's "Sleeping Venus," but Titian uses more sensuality in comparison to Giorgione's sublime remoteness. The frankness of her expression is remarkable; she has no shame in laying there naked and exposed.

Giorgione, "Sleeping Venus," 1510

Renaissance artists often played with the ideas of fertility and virility through their works. Titian is no exception to this signature. He delicately places a posy of flowers in her right hand, to make illusion to her ability to be fruitful of birthing. Her left covers her pubic area and acts as the centre of the composition. Perhaps this leaves a level of imagination to the viewer and provocatively urges them to be aroused by what it is that they "can not" see.

The dog in the background is a omnipresent affirmation of male virility and again nudges the symbolization of her fertility.

This remarkable work is devoid of any classical or allegorical illusion. Here, Venus is represented as a mere woman of beauty, not an unattainable goddess of worship. Titian makes his Venus accessible to everyone.

"Concieved" --Beth Orton

Beth is a wonderful musician...enjoy! Such a cute video too (0:

"Wish I Didn't Miss You" Acoustic: Angie Stone

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Split Indecision

I look in the mirror; who is this girl I see staring back at me? It is a reflection of who I once was, no longer who I want to be or become. I see the tracks of my tears that run like a razor blade, down the cracks of my face.

My eyes look a little more tired, some would say wiser than just a few month ago. But I don’t feel any wiser, or any stronger than before. Why does everyone keep telling me that it will get better, that good things come to those who wait, those who are patient? I want to wear my crown now, it is rightfully mine. But what is the point of having glory if you have no one special to share it with?

How will I ever know if something is good for me before I reach the point of utter inhalation and desperate melt down? I don't want to hear you're sorry. Sorry does not heal the pain I felt and the loneliness that flooded my arteries of hope.
Do not tell me to relax, I don’t want to. I have worked hard to better myself, make myself someone who cares for others with the utmost dedication and quality of care.

I will not be your fool, but I will remain my own fool. At least if I die tomorrow, I can die knowing that I fought for what I wanted most; your love.


Sometimes we all forget how to have fun. We get caught up in the rustle of life, the pressure of work and the demands of others needs and circumstances.

What is fun you ask? I say fun is laughing, enjoying meals and drinks with people you find stimulate you and having lots of sex sex sex! Good cardio. Fun can also include just spoiling yourself, maybe setting out on a new adventure you’ve always wanted to try or a day at the spa. Allow yourself to be pampered and treated like a Queen or King. You deserve it. Turn your phones off, disconnect from all that which is outside of you.

Having a healthy body will benefit the nourishment of a healthy mind. Balancing both of these is very critical to your overall health. Read a book and then go for a run. Watch a movie and then hit the gym with a friend. Sometimes it is hard to find the time to do these things for ourselves, but make sure that you make a commitment to yourself to have a good time every now and then. The common problem seems to be that there is not enough time in a day to do all it is we have to do and also care for ourselves.

Lovers, children, bosses, pets, chores, errands. YIKES. You can care for and to do all these things, but do you care for yourself?

Cut yourself a break once you hit a threshold that demands you to relax, reflect and recline.

Just because I have this wonderful advice for all of you, does not mean that I have mastered this craft myself! OK, back to work for me and then off to the gym (0l

Monday, November 26, 2007

Personalizing Perspective

Life is a mysterious voyage that we all carry on in-perfectly until our moment of death. We are all just lonely soldiers trying to find place to rest our heads and call a home.

The more hills we climb to get a towering view and glimpse at the far gaze below, the more times we will clumsily fall to the bottom of the hill. We are both Jack and Jill and we will constantly keep falling down that hill.

We are all unique in our composure, so do not try and change someone to be who they are not; especially not yourself. Don't let the cold embrace of challenging and hurtful experiences take you away from who you really are.

Those who are able to love and give openly and without hesitation will experience both the greatest joys and the deepest pains of life. It is only natural. Perspective can seems a clear vision or a distant blur, but you must try to focus.

Forgive yourself for the mistakes, but make sure that you see them for what they really are--lessons. We can always learn to be kinder. Do not allow yourself to grow in size at the demise of another. Life is bitter and sweet and full of so many tears and laughs. But only a coward would feel the thrill of triumph when he/she sees someone vulnerable crumble to the ground.

Always keep an umbrella tucked under your arm because you can never know whether the forecast maybe heavy rain or fierce sunshine. We all have to keep on moving closer to our destines.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


BUSTED! The New York times recently ran a story that discredited the usage of seaweed in the "Lululemon Seaweed" line. The story was tipped off to them by an individual investor, who conducted a personal test and then passed on findings to The New York Times to further investigate. The advertised benefit of using this athletic wear according to Vancouver based company is enhanced therapeutic and performance benefit.

Um ok? Did anyone believe this crock of kaka anyways? YES. The Yonge and Davisville, Uppity-Uptown Moms did! This is what happens when you have too much money and too little brain capacity.

Citing the Textile Labelling Act, the Canada Competition bureau said it is illegal to make any false or misleading representations relating to a garment, including representations regarding fibre content.

So now Lululemon fights back!

The garments have netted seaweed, the company now claims. And I have netted gold in my dandruff. What the hell does that mean?

"We absolutely stand behind our products, our processes and refute any claims in recent press reports to the contrary," Lululemon CEO Robert Meers said in a release.

Lululemon states that the benefit of their clothing is are the relieving of stress and anti-inflammatory, as well as, antibacterial, hydrating and detoxifying advantages. The reason Lululemon gives to drop your bills on their seaweed goods, is in the fibre of the shirts (retailing for about $80 each).. Lululemon sites that these seaweed shirts "releases marine amino acids, minerals and vitamins into the skin upon contact with moisture."

Um ok. Maybe seaweed should be left for the fishes to frolic amongst.

Be SMART my little consumers. If you sweat, maybe it is better that you just SWEAT!


Thursday, November 15, 2007


Relationships are hard to understand. The nature of feeling wanted and being desired in return. With time and the guidance of a willing hand will come a maturity to learning what a true relationship should carry in its formula. We all need someone to open are eyes sometimes. I tend to forget the gift of a true bond once it is within my reach, I become out of my own reach. I lose myself and can not be found. I must not repeat the same mistakes.

Another lesson learned.

Life is repetitive and can become redundant of the same old sentiments, challenges and socialization's. What I seek is someone who can challenge me to look beyond my weaknesses and be balanced out with my strengths. Ying and yang. If a mutual respect for one another can be attained and you both, with honest ability and kindness are able to see past the flawed sentiments of control and future illusion. You must build your dreams one block at a time. The future is now. Tomorrow will be a reflection of what you do today. Soar above any obstacles and always keep the fighting spirit of love and growth.

100 % plus 100%. Each party must give it everything. If you do not receive what you give in return, resign yourself with some level of integrity. Many people can touch your heart, but only the strongest of heart have the ability to grow and learn from another. Through the development of that education, you can really learn what a lover is.

Somewhere along the way I forgot that I am a good person, that I am deserving of happiness. But I also gained perspective on what I need to get to where I want to be and lead the life I want to lead. Always listen to those who care about you, the older the wiser. They can mend the span of your broken wings and encourage your personal journey above all the rain clouds of life. See and feel the glory of a beautiful sunrise, for life is too short to stand still alone.

"Like You'll Never See Me Again" -- Alicia Keys

Monday, November 12, 2007

The Struggle of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes

One group has impacted me more than any other with their message of female Independence, creativity in image and ability to create such an original and groovy R & B sound. TLC. To this day, I can throw on any of their tunes and find myself transfixed by their timelessness.

Today by complete accident, I fumbled on a VH1 documentary entitled, "The Last Days of Left Eye." This work is the pieces put together and edited, of the documentary Lisa was filming, but never got to complete, when she died in a tragic car accident in Honduras.

This documentary is haunting and reveals her Gemini struggle to find a balance within her personal split. It also illuminates her persistence to persevere and rise above all the mishaps of and in life and adjust to constant changes. I urge you, if you have the opportunity check out this documentary. It shows the power of a very unique and powerful energy.

Lisa had a wisdom towards life that many are afraid to even acquire. The documentary reveals how her connection to the universe and all of natures creations was prolific to her physical end. No doubt, her legacy still lives on. Never to be forgotten...

"No One" -- Alicia Keys

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Alicia Keys Hits the Right Note...AGAIN

So good people. So good. Ms. Keys is back with her 3rd album entitled, " AS I AM." Again, Alicia chooses to sing and play about that which she yearns to understand and battles to believe in most; love. I know that love is not an original concept to write about, but Alicia Keys just does it so damn well. The first listen through of the album, I cried 3 times!

The album is a reflection and a voyage to gain insights into her quest for love. She does not speak of conquest, she only attempts to understand the magnitude in which love places a value in her life. I dig.

My favourite songs initially are, "Like You'll Never See Me Again," & "Lesson Learned."
How appropriate.

Alicia Keys is a gem in the rough. The purity of her emotion is impossible to ignore. She sings with passion, she sings with humanity and most of all: she sings from her seeds of her humble experiences. I highly recommend this album to anyone who wants to reflect, understand and re-affirm their commitment to finding a true love. Alicia's talent as a true prodigy of a musician and her talent as a leading woman of soul today is undeniable. This album gave me chills from beginning to end and the music speaks for itself entirely. Alica stays true to her Hip Hop roots and her classical training by mixing eclectic with the sound reminiscent of the greats like Aretha Franklin. Pure emotion.

Thanks for your honesty, Ms Keys.

Friday, November 9, 2007



DJ HEATHER • Chicago | BlackCherry • OM • apt.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Xtra Article: "My Body as Politics: Confessions of a Ethnic Lesbian"

As promised, here is the link to my article. You can also pick it up on this weeks newsstands.

Let me know your thoughts! YAY!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Patience My Child...

In some ways I have never been equipped with the virtue of patience. I am willing to wait for things to come to me, but once they are accessible to me, I tend to want all of them. My behaviour reveals to me that I can put the sunshine in my pocket and request of her, with such conviction, to caress me with her radiant beams. Feel the warm touch of her light within me.

Is it bad to want everything from someone? The past couple of months of my life have forced me to assess where it is that I stand, where it is I want to stand and who it is that deserves to stand beside me.

Life is a rollercoaster full of highs and lows, thrills and sensations. The trick in the game of survival is finding someone who creates a track that winds in the same manner as your desires. Someone who has an equal velocity of speed and is willing to discover whether your destination will lead you to be at each others sides. Through all hardships and growing pains.

It is easy to love someone, if you allow yourself the room to let go of the past. We are all haunted by our memories, but we must cherish that we are alive. I realize how many times I have died. From ashes of broken hearts and dreams past we must rise again. With faith in true love. If you believe in it, you must keep believing.

Respect that which was and that which will never be. I have found that in the darkest and coldest of places, there is always a way to find your way out. Keep hope in the many faces of love, for at the end of the day it is the only extension of us beyond our own selfish existences.

The ones who love you unconditionally, will always allow you to be at your best without causing damage on the effort and energy you create to feel this way. People come into our lives to teach us about ourselves, our true self-worth and aspirations. When we are treated ill, it tends to drain our survival instinct, suck out the core of our spirits. Sometimes you are forced to love someone from afar.

Patience, good will come to those who inspire happiness in others.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

TG to be Published in Xtra!

YAY! I am going to have my first article published(0:

Look out for November 8th issue of Xtra.
My article is entitled: "My Body as Politics: Confessions of an Ethnic Lesbian"


" is published by Pink Triangle Press, a not-for-profit organization born out of and committed to the struggle of lesbians and gay men for sexual liberation and human fulfillment."


Look out for it on stands and I will post the link to the on-line version, as soon as it is in place.

I look forward to hearing what you all think. To the journey...and having a voice.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Winners is LOVE

I have such a deep fetish with Winners. I can't get enough of all those yummy bargains and stylish alternatives. I am not a woman who likes to be seen in the same outfits as the next stylish mama (she WISHES!). I have a reputation to uphold people! People often ask me where I get my pieces...Winners pretties! We can all be WINNERS!

So as the winter season comes rolling in, I give all you who need to do some weather appropriate shopping a suggestion. Go to Winners! You can find great deals at 40% off ticketed prices. Some really decent designer lines. Trucks of treats arrive sometimes twice a day. I want to play in a Winners truck. I mean it in a material girl kind of way! I mean for those who enjoy the art of shopping and dressing, Winners is a walk down a bargain runway. I am not sure if that is a good image...hmmm??

The newest location is at Front/Church....conveniently located on my way to work. YAY!! Don't think that I was not there on opening day battling for bargains in the trenches of fashion, against other hoarders. I have scars and boots to prove it. Word.


I urge you to come equipped with patience and determination. You can find some really worthwhile items and become a fashion icon in your own right (0; Clothes, accessories, shoes, here you can find a variety of styles, colours and designs.
So bundle FIERCE and keep the spirit of stylish alive, even within the fury of our brisk winter.

Here is the link to find your closest location:

HAPPY SHOPPING! (gifts are accepted by TG)

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A Place to Call Home?

I have never seen so many homeless crazy folks wandering around the city. Without sounding heartless (for I have sympathy for the fact that they are deprived of the basic right to shelter), I just can't get get my mind around this most obvious increase.

In fact, yesterday, just a block from where I work, 2 women were stabbed by a mentally ill, homeless man while they were waiting for the streetcar. Madness. WHERE can we actually be safe when victims are just choosen at random?


I admit, I was a little hesitant leaving work yesterday. In fact, I was ready to whack the first white man I saw with a black hoody and blue jeans with the sharp part of my umbrella. By no means was this a funny situation.

It seems that Toronto has grown into a urban niche for many people who are dependent on hard drugs, such a meth, to convert on and pray on people--both mentally and physically. Is this an environment that we feel safe allowing our kids to walk home from school in? HELL NO. I am not trying to push the bias that all homeless people are mentailly ill, for this is far from the truth. However it seems that mental duress can be heightened by stress. These individuals are marked with the reminder of extreme stress everyday. Thus, it can be understood why their mental capacity declines rapidly.

On the other hand, I have little empathy for the abundeance of rude-ass street people. I can not walk down the street without some strange man staring at me, or whistling at me, like I am a peace of meat.


Just yesterday, when I was taking my walk to the GO, I was followed for a block by a man. Maybe spend sometime trying to find a way to rise from hardship for survival, rather than making yourself appear as a distasteful victim.


We NOW need to get aggressive about how we deal with this unfortunate reality. These individuals are the unlucky few, that continually slip through the cracks of our flawed systems. For too many, they are no ones.

I am not sure what I am to say that could make me feel more at ease about this current state of chaos. In fact, winter is always the most difficult time to see the homeless laying in bus stops, without any comfort of a place to call home. Not that it is EVER easy to see.

Hard drug abuse is a reality in the life of many of these neglected individuals, because it provides an escapism. We all need to getaway sometimes from the realities of life. We can empathize why these individuals would feel that need the strongest. But inevitably we all know that once we come down from that mushroom cloud, back to where we started. On our own feet.

We have no time to waste. This is a call to action, before things get any worse. This is our responsability. Love thy neighbour.

Please be safe.


Monday, October 15, 2007

Review: "Elizabeth: The Golden Age"

Oh my god. I have been waiting for this movie, for what seems like many morrows!

Those who know me, know that I have the most curious fascination with becoming fixated on historical figures. The qualifications to become a object of my most intimate praise: these figures must all inspire me with their courage, aptitude for knowledge and their ability to be 'ahead of their time'. There is one figure, that I have always remained transfixed on. Elizabeth I, Queen of England (1533-1603).

"Elizabeth: The Golden Age," is a sequel to 1998's, "Elizabeth." Both films are directed by my brown brotha, Shekar Kapur. Though the costume (fainted!), acting and settings remain regal in the sequal. Unfortunately, the work falls short of dazzling its predecessor because it lacks enough attention to character development. Moreover, the film neglects to focus on what the historical significance is, of the relentless woman in her Golden Age.

The name of the film, is itself misleading. The movie does not focus on her Golden Age. In fact, the movie shows the continual friction between France and Spain, to secure the bed of the Queen. It is only upon the defeat of these two foreign navies, that the reign of Elizabeth transitioned into her Golden Age. A time of peace and prosperity in England, for Catholics and Protestants alike.

There is no actual development of what was considered the monuments and achievements of Elizabeth's Golden Age. This was necessary. In fact, the movie ends very abruptly and fails to glaze even the surface of illuminating her reign, in what is considered her most glorious years. Though the writing defiantly had moments of historical grandeur (especially in Elizabeth's lines--perhaps to be credited to the life Blanchette breaths into the words). For the most part, the writing remained dull, compared to the first film.

However, one thing remains worthy of a royal salute; Cate Blanchette's impeccable performance. This woman is the finest actress of our generation. As she was robbed in her first rendition as Elizabeth, by Gwenyth Platrow's portrayal in "Shakespeake in Love." This time, despite the films often messy script, she is fully deserving of an Oscar nod.

The movie is by no means horrible. But it could have been much better. However, for a historical nerd like me, seeing this heroine come to life with such vivrancy, made me feel a little warm on the inside.

So cheers to a night in the VIP at Varsity, a fellow nerd to watch the film with and Miss Blanchette, as my Elizabeth! (BTW...she is NO MAN's Elizabeth...that is what SHE said!)

I heart you Lizzie.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

A Thought...

The ones that hurt us most, often turn a blind eye to our beauty, for their own self preservation.

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Your Heart Arrives, Before the Train...

Take a moment. A moment outside of your frustrations, disappointments, commitments, bills and thinking. Take a moment to absorb that which was, that which is and that which will be.

We are simply pawns, with the desire of fulfillment.
We desire happiness, which can only be personal in understanding and attainment. Understanding can not be given to us by the red, right hand of another. Understanding can not be forced out of a fool who believes that they are alone in journey. For we are all connected. It is not ours to give, if it is not ours to receive as equally. Understanding.

We follow our hearts beating rhythm, our minds thirsty gluttony for more wine. But what we can not see, is whether the person who lays the cup in front of us, has poured us a glass which is half empty, or half full. Or if they possess a pallet for understanding something outside of themselves, beside making it about themselves.

The taste of the delightful nectar of wine, with its promises of intoxication. Love makes us oh so drunk.

Some are innately selfish. They care on no one but themselves. They amuse themselves with dull conversation and a false sense of growth and revelation. They mask their lost souls, in the illusion of living life to its fullest degree. There glass is theirs alone. They do not understand how to apply the aroma of fruitful satisfaction.

Some are innately selfless. They must learn to look beyond the pain and short-comings of others, and learn when it is a time of resignation. The journey home is never too long. They must learn to survive alone, without the caress of another. There glass is often sipped down to drought. There mouths are often left dry.

Understand that I am a fool. I am a fool who seeks to find knowledge to reconcile my broken heart with my polluted mind.

I will not rest until I find my way home...

Circa: Toronto's New Nightlife HOT SPOT!

"CiRCA is a one-of-a-kind entertainment venue and nightclub created by New York City nightlife luminary Peter Gatien in the heart of Toronto’s Entertainment District. Located inside the Festival Hall Entertainment Complex at the corner of King and John, the four-story, 55,000 square foot state-of-the-art space is an arts, music, entertainment, and fashion event-space unlike anything else in the world.

The multi-tiered space features a unique collection of facilities including large art and product display areas, multiple live event spaces and large main stage, a film screening room (SKYY Cinema Lounge), a recording studio (due to be completed in December 2007), in-house food-preparation and catering facilities, and a full range of concierge service and amenities. On weekends CiRCA operates as a nightclub playing host to regular music and performance driven events featuring world class DJs and artists, while the rest of the week the venue hosts a rich itinerary of corporate and cultural events. "


Hells yeah! This place is freaking crazy. The creators of this club, defiantly did not spare any pocket change for this unique environment. Yes, I know. You and I both hate clubbing in the club district of Mother Toronto. The annoying line-ups, the women is skirts that neither, flatter them, or make them look attractive. But I assure you, this club is worth checking out--especially for a big party!

Sunglasses ready?

Yes, the club is terribly over-crowded. But with several rooms to visit, each with its own makes it quite an eclectic night! Like a music buffet, if you will dahlin!

I checked out Mark Farina, spinnin' house music all night long, on Sunday. Defiantly one cool experience. He spun a tight set and rammed the room like a gay mans ready asshole.

Good company, LOTS of vodka/red bull (oops!!) and dancing until I was sweating through my clothes. Great night.

I recommend checking out Circa. It is not somewhere you should go regularly, or even can afford to go to regularly (yes, drinks are expensive!). But for atmospheric eye candy (great sculptures, cool art, amazing lighting and sound system), this is the place to go for a fun night out with the peeps!


Saturday, October 6, 2007

I Hear a Symphony

There is no experience quite the same as the rush of live music. Attending a viewing of a live symphony, encourages the facets of one's imagination. The sensations of sound and feeling are struck with every weep of the violins cry, every wallow of the cellos calling.

We all need to escape the crap of modern music and resort back to just the basics of good composition and storytelling.

The Toronto Symphony has introduced a cheap and accessible way for youth to see these talented musicians. They have named this program: "TSOSOUNDCHECK"

What is tsoundcheck?
It's a way for you to connect to classical music and the TSO. Anyone between the ages of 15 to 29 is eligible to buy tickets to Toronto Symphony Orchestra concerts, for as low as $6 per ticket.
What an amazing deal...what a great date idea! There is a limit of 2 tsoundcheck ticketsper member, per performance.

There really is no catch to this program. It is available to all, 15-29. I, similar to the TSO, encourage that you extend your pallet for music and take in some live classical. It really is an emotional and moving experience.

Register now:

Monday, October 1, 2007

Celestial Intervention

Her emotions fall from the certainty of being untouchable.
They are set a steady drift.
There is a risk she must take. Again.
From the niche of a cloudy, yet protective tree top, her existential body continues its journey. Forming a ribbon of free and vibrant sentimentality. At a halt, these emotions come, once they enter the open concave of a murky lake.

The ribbon of colour is suspended, but does not fade at the contact of the waters provocation.

The lake is ornate with a spectical of crabs. The lines on their bright red shells shine, with a wisdom of itched experiences past.
She flees into the silence of her shell. She feels like them. Like them, she silences all the distractions that have risen above the waters stillness. She is at home with them.

She tries to feel the vibrations of what is below her, above her, around her, within her. All without getting submerged in the haunting, liquid sentiments of her icy past. She has melted them into a large puddle. The puddle has now run dry.

She turns deep inside, deep deep inside her shell. Until she sees it is time to come out again...

With a promise of a renewal in faith (that living in love is worth the pain of dying when it must abandons you), the sun rises to commence a new day. She cries at yesterday, but prays, with her heart humbly exposed, at the hope of a better tomorrow.

Faith perhaps...

From all the bitter attacks of her past, her shell begins to heal slowly, by one simple touch. The touch of Astraea. A goddess; who encompasses all the justice of orderly, and is able to see beyond blind sentiment of the crab-womans overwhelming emotions. Astraea sees the analytical truth of that which is. All, with the purity of a strong woman's heart.

She rises to the surface of the water, and accepts the reach of Astraea's sturdy hand. Through the guidance of the stars, she slowly emerges from her shell.


Monday, September 24, 2007

Blasphomous, Yet FUN, Children's Religious Games (0:

So I was talking to a friend of mine earlier today. This got me thinking...what fun games could I make to teach our children, who are our future, the diversity of what various religious icons can teach us. After some thought, I decided what is a better methodology beside interactive games! Be the coolest parent in town! Here is what I came up with:

1) “Pin the Trunk on Ganesha”

Don't mess, this is one serious elephant! One of the most worshipped deities in Hinduism, Ganesha is widely worshipped as the Remover of Obstacles. Don’t make him trunk slap your ass!! So why not have your children help Ganesha defend humankind, through reuniting him with his weapon of choice…his trunk! Also the god of intellect and wisdom, but again, what would he be without his writing trunk. Teach those lil ones about the funny Indians and their even funnier animal gods!

2) “Mary Magdalene Piñata”

She is my most favourite whore, so why not give her some love beats. Deter your children from becoming hoodrats, husslers and skanks. From out the M & M piñata, there will fall an array of sins to remind our lovely children, to stay on a pious path! Do you want to end up being a second-class citizen…no! Fucking slut. (my exploitation of M & M, does not by any means reflect my historical perception of her…she is my boo).

3) “Musical Allah Chairs”

Nothing you say, can take me away from MY GOD! Hail this monotheistic icon! The last chair that is habited by the rear end of a child, proves them as the one “child of God.” This chosen child will be rewarded, with his/her own copy of the Qur’an! The other children will be taught that unless you believe in the power of Allah, they will never find a salvation seat in their lifetime. Next! Beyond gender, beyond pluralism, the truth is in Allah-Allah-Allah, ey ey!

Then, end the party with some….

4) Buddha Cake

What can this humble, jolly man teach our children, you ask? Why, that obesity is something that the Asians stated! Fast food is clearly not the problem in America. This man lived thousands of years ago and he is to be blamed for making fat trendy in modernity! If he were so learned, he would have been enlightened to stop eating so much food! Holy gluttony, batman! Siddhārtha Gautama, the founder of Buddism, was not fat like his predessors. Teach those kids that eating is for the weak and dharma and/or nirvana can only be attained by the skinny. Make an example out of Buddha and keep the spirit of slim-is-in alive!

What ever te occasion, whatever the season, keep your children informed towards healthy discrimination, bigotry and a bright, yet white future! Amen.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

TiC ToC, GoEs ThE CloCk.....

Time is our greatest asset, yet the most miserable, mortal mockery. He constantly reminds us that he will not stop, pause or even slow, to allow us to pace ourselves within the motions of life, or even the acceptances of loss.

As I have grown older, and even slightly wiser then yesterday, or even the day before; I have learned to let things develop on there own merit. Place your hands firmly against your desires, but do not stifle the flame. Do not settle for any flame that does not burn with the same intensity as yours, or with the same flicker in its dance. Allow time to be the vizier of the conditions that will unfold before your often, naive eyes. Be the master of your universe, but understand that you can not control the universe itself. What will be, shall be.

All embraces, conversations, good intentions and looks of compassion, will fade with time. This is inevitable. However, we can find some sense of peace with these un-settling truisms, by respecting each moment with a breath of humbleness and a hope that we are being understood. If we have to let go of something, it probably wasn't ours in the first place. If we have to walk away from a thought opportunity, or a place where we once dwelled our creative thoughts, then we must walk away with our heads held high.
We can hold on to our dignity by knowing that we did our best in every circumstance. That we were not cowards or selfish fools.

Time is nor cruel, nor kind. It simple is.

Time is a reluctant and confusing force of nature. We are never quite aware if we have enough time to accomplish and fulfill, all it is that we want to do. But all we can do it try. Try to live a happy life, try to drain out the sounds of madness and tastes of misfortune.

Through the chosen path of time, my story will lay its course. With or without you. Until the end of time.


I am bloody well fed-up! How the hell thought of the idea of wearing these fashion violations in public?? My bet is that is was someone white and from America. That person should be hung, like the Pazzi, from ropes in a public piazza.

Yes, that harsh kids. Crocs were not ever made with the intention of becoming a fashion trend of 2007. They are meant for gardening and medical practitioners to wear. Not everyday people, doing everyday things. I am at a boiling point. The next person I see wearing these BLASTED baskets, I will beat with them. No remorse. None.

Just when I thought that it could not get any worse, I find out that they now have Croc jewellery. Personalize your own style with this load of Croc on your feet! Bang! Will the Gods not have mercy on us innocents and our precious gift of eye sight?? I truly believe that the Croc violators (poor souls that they are are), are under the impression that they are cool and hip in them. That is a Croc of shit! This saddens me. I am here to help you, not to judge you.

Help me out people. Change can only happen if we all bind hands and say: "NO...WE WILL NOT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" If you see someone with Crocs, slap them with all your might. Tell them it is for there fashion salvation and a less bright future. Damn the people at Croc-headquarters, for ruining the beauty of a rainbow. Too much variety is not necessarily a good thing, in this case.
Actually, the charm of the rainbow has been repeatedly abused, first by the GAYS and now by the Croc-heads.

I hope that this terrible fad will die with the summer season winding down...I hope. I am trying to desperately believe, that there is not a sick person out there who has thought of such a haunting vision as.... CROC BOOTS! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

May 2008 bring faith for a life without these abominations. Remember, fashion does not come from America...YOU WISH!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Lonely Thinker

There is nothing special about me. I am just an ordinary girl, trying to find her way to a place where I can rest free of pain and disappointment. Find a place where I can lay the seeds of my heart and allow for them to grow into the realities of my dreams.

I am not anything exceptional. I have been battered and bruised, treated like rubbish and left foolishly broken and exposed. My skin is imperfect, for it shows the scars of many broken hearts, many betrayals, many nights pondering why it was that I was made the way that I am and chosen to lead, the life that I blindly lead. A surfacing of what lays beneath my skin is too hard to hide. Covering me up in concealer, will not hide the imagery of my life that embraces every inch of my aging face, every corner of hunched posture.

I am flawed. Sometimes I don't understand the road I have been given.

I am falling from the place of youthful innocence. My body has been diseased by your carelessness, my mind tainted towards the darkness of faithless despair. I am not able to see the light of salvation, when I am full or sorrow and loneliness, when I feel defeated or saddened. At times I wish I could be stronger, though at times I cry because I am strong.

Not many seem to think like me, so what is the use of having a voice? I denounce my mind, for it leads me to think silly thoughts. Not many think like me. I must be a fool.

I continuously make mistakes and wear blinders to the truth. My intentions are always good, but I am naive to the blatant truth. I will hesitate on my telling you who I really am, for I am nothing special. I am just me. A girl. A strong girl, that wants to survive and leave this existence feeling like I mattered to someone. But I don't.

I am no one. For if I was, I still wouldn't be a someone like you would notice. Because I am nothing special. I am just me. If I show you who I am, nothing special, will you run away too? I am ordinary in appearance, I feel just like everyone else. My kiss is not that monumental, I have quite an un-exceptional method of embrace.

I am a no one, that is seeking no one to teach me who I am.

If I was someone special, I would wish to be happy. But happiness is for those who belong. I do not belong here, for if I did, I would not be afraid of you.

You are someone. Someone full of beauty and kindness.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

My Body is a Wonderland???!!!!!

...ok here we go! Just for old times sake. Ready for the rides, the bad hair, the women that you judge from a distance because they wear stiletto heals? The amount of baby cruising that goes on between you and cute lazy asses being pushed around in strollers!?

I want one! No, not a baby. A stroller. I am not always THAT maternal.

So I, along with my Asian sistah, half-breeds at side, avec les filles maman...hit the park formerly known as Paramount Canada's Wonderland! Yes, Paramount has once again removed its affiliation with the City of Maple.

We walked in early and ready to take on the magic of Astra Zeneca day at the park!! YAY! Free rides, free food, free fun! Thanks M.A.! sleep and one coffee down. A power nap it the car with the Ipod on. Huuunnnnay, what a way to begin the day! It has been too long since I have taken on such an ambitious attempt to have my body thrown by the ferocious velocity, of a punish'd roller coaster!

Me and the Asian sistahs have done this in our youth. No problem. Man vs. machine.

After 14 rides, there became a problem.
My old ass body. Shit hurts, that never use to hurt when I was young and not so damaged (The double entendre is intended!). But in the spirit of Thunder Mountain, we held our slightly ailing backs with the palm of our hands, gently massaged in circular motions and moved on. Soldiers don't give up in conquest! We had to show that we could still do this in excess and with youthful grace. Right.

This trip reminded me of when I was young and I would go on Mindbuster and almost get slapped unconcious, by the backlash of my own breasts. The sadistic rush of feeling like you may just fall out of a ride and die! Feeling your stomach in your throat, your knickers in a fancy knot.

Do you remember when the lap bar wasn't clicked tight enough? I do. Do you remember being stuck on the incline of an ascent for 45 minutes. I do. Do you remember seeing masses of irritating people around you when you were tired and sun-buzzed out. I DO.

The moral of the story is such. For those who enjoy some adrenaline rushing, there is still lots of fun and good times to be had! If you have the patience for the line ups, and non-willingly hearing lots of terrible conversation around you, you should definalty go! But don't expect that you will not feel it, like in the resilience of your body in the younger days. Oh you well feel dizzy, dis-oriented and just straight out bruk-up!

Oh and don't forget about the funnel cake....yum, funnel cake.

You have a couple weeks to get your act together, before the season is over. So if you so desire, get ready to ride! I recommend attending, "Halloween Haunt" (formerly "Fearfest") activities. Check it out the week before Halloween, as it gets really busy. A few of the rides are still open during this scaaaary special event. Gather a group of your peeps and prepare for some yummy scares!

Here's to a trip down memory lane and a reminder of the innocence of youthful corruption. Sorry park security. Cheers today for having Advil and the gym available to soothe my broken shell (0;

Hollaback and tell me about your favourite Wonderland memory. Note: Kingswood Music Theatre can be included!

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Shut the Fuck Up

Hip Hop 101:

“In Hip hop music, people individually and separately vocalize over beats, instrumental tracks, usually consisting of repeated phrases. Hip-hop is considered an important development in the history of music because, for the first time, non-tonal aspects of speech, its emphasis and lyricism, are the most identifiable aspects of vocalizations. Also, syncopation and abstract rhythms are being used in ways never before. In addition, technological manipulation of sound is being used as never before. Hip-hop began as an idea during the 1970s, became a mainstream genre during the 1980s, and an internationally popular genre during the 1990s and 2000s. It is usually divided into three periods: Roots, Old School, and Golden Age. Most agree that the "golden age" ended during the 1990s. The current period is not yet named, though it is commonly referred to as New school hip hop.”

So being a huge fan of Hip Hop, I have been bombarded with the images that both 50 Cent (UGH) and Kanye West (UGH) have recently dropped new albums. Now the war begins. In fact, if you give a damn (frankly I don't), they will be battling it out on BET at 6pm, Tuesday. What the hell is wrong with these people?

Did we not learn anything from the senseless deaths of Tupac and Biggie? Enough feuding, you idiots! Why would an educated black man want to project the image of being a cocky mongrel? They claim it is about picking up the mic and battling it out over skill, but why do I not believe that is where it is going to end?
Shit, Foxy Brown just got her hearing aids snatched by Lil'Kim's crew...enough crazziness!

There is no evolution in these men. So 50 is street, who cares?! So is the crackhead woman that collects welfare cheques. Why doesn't anyone sign her and give her a voice?
I have not heard anything interesting drop from his shoot at nine times, brock-up mouth for years. In da club...come on people. Hip Hop or Crap Hop?

Kayne, on the other hand has some interesting and intelligent things to say. I can feel his flow, but the hubristic attitude he harbours is very unattractive. Maybe someone should pull the wire out of his mouth and remind him what it is to be humble to life. Cocky bastard. I like his clothes though. Just cause you look good, it don’t mean you right within. Uh-uh come again! Shoooooooooot! (Respect Lauryn)

So is Hip Hop dead? Yes and no. We still got some real brothas representing: Common, Nas, Talib. Hip hop has obviously evolved into the mainstream, like most under-ground, or street genres. Rather than being an empowerment voice for mainly African-Americans to deal with the struggle of survival of the street, now we talk about bitches and bling. Pastiche is a very interesting concept in music. The merging of white wealth and African American identity has allowed for the success of such artists as 50 Cent and Kanye West. Is it more about keepign it real, or making money bitches? After looking at these fellas, it seems more like suspending, then selling an image of what it is to be "real." Do we need to cater to the white people anymore? They already stole R & B with Elvis, why you have to go steal our tradition of Hip Hop too? Wasn’t Elvis ENOUGH??!!

I am now going to digress.
Amy Freakin Winehouse. Can someone get that bitch to rehab and tell her so stay there? If you recall, I was feeling her when she first came out. But now, through the enlightenment of a special friend of mine, I have re-assessed. As she put it, and I will now paraphrase:
"That bitch is the media for all the wrong reasons. What ever happened to the music? I am sick of people abusing their ability to reach people, after they receive a record contract."
Well put, Miss Thing.
Someone needs to tell that girl to chill out and put the needles and crack pipe down. I have predicted that Amy will die soon--I think 26 is the magical age of martyrdom music deaths. No doubt, she is just a young and tortured soul. She writes about her realities, I can respect that. I still enjoy her, I am just getting agitated by the notion that we all stand by and watch her self-destruct. We are twisted fucks. I hope she can get her act together and continue on a path that involves evolution. Perhaps she can go from Rehab to Jerusalem? Who knows!

I am done now.


I am restless, yet focused. My energy is searching for a place to rest quietly and safely. Away from all this pain and sadness. I wipe my tears and tell myself that this is all a journey of understanding. I fill myself with memories that remind me of what happiness was. I was young then.
When I had not yet been wounded from being too strong. When I had not lost, or had to let go of anything that was of value to me. A time when I had not yet been faced with saying goodbye to someone I love.

Reality is too real sometimes. We all must come undone. Will you be capable of looking back and understanding why all this grief and happiness etched out your course?

I will pray with the utmost faith in mind, to find a place where I belong. I lay hope in the belief that one day, I will find a lover to call my own. She, in all her beauty, will not fear my power, or runaway from my desires or dreams. Together, we will be one powerful entity. I dream of being held in my lovers captivity willingly, and so hold her back. We will spend our dreams together, hold eachother ever so close, kiss with passionate admiration and love with eternal respect.
I lay hope in the belief that one day, I will have children that will stand by my side and hold my hand, when I feel weak in body. That my children will always remember me, no matter where they are or where they go. They will carry a piece of my soul always.
Everything must come full circle.

With my brothers and sisters at my side, I will find my way. I am going to leave this place, where so often people find solace in disorderly nature.
I want to be different. I want to be like her.
Peace can only come to those who understand the nature of suffering. Suffering makes you humble to the pain of others and the power you have in giving. Death reminds us that life is too short. If you want to leave an immortal impact, you must not waste time through hesitation.

We must take control of our destinies. We are the masters of our own happiness and accomplishments.

Friday, September 7, 2007

The True Art of Conversation

To converse, is to reveal your in cling and capacity for knowledge. I stood on the street yesterday night, and decided to take a moment of silence. To take a moment within all the noisy chaos, cars honking, and just listen to others speak. Sometimes, I can find sweet salvation in a moment of pure silence. Similar to the joy I find in a precious moment between two hearts, that speak to another with genuine respect and compassion.

The art of conversation is near dead. Without sounding like a complete cynic, the amount of mediocre and dis-interesting thought that floats frivolously from the tips of our tongues, and falls out of our mouths, is most alarming. Does no one have anything interesting to say? Does no one have anything unique to present to a set of eager ears? I am eager to learn, am I alone? Sex, drugs, rock and roll. There is more to life then just what we see. A realm of feeling that we must awaken within ourselves. I often feel that many individuals are at a complete stand still in terms of creating a cavalry of sturdy and careful tammed words, to rope in to be part of their intellectual arsenal. My belief from observation, is that these individuals so often shy away from challenges in general. Therefore, often the loss and push to permit a conversation to be challenging and educational, is often trumped before it has even unravelled its colourful gifts.

Nowadays, our focus in conversation tends to pivot around things that revolve around our own existence, in the now. We do not tend to think about our neighbours, or even look beyond tomorrow. The hectic pace of life and the toll it can often take on our energies, is clearly consequential to the manner in which we so willingly, bow our heads in blind submission of ignorant and simply boring thoughts. We speak to others with sloppiness and with little conviction of passion.

Don't use words to be evasive. Don't use words to affiliate or cause damage. Open others minds to your experiences and opinions and allow others to do the same for you. If somone deserves and demands your attention, take notice and give them credit. The art of conversation is a rare and most rewarding interaction.

Speak your mind, make your choices in words carefully. Submit yourself to a moment between minds. Encourage the root of knowledge, for knowledge will lead you to harbour the greatest in all other powers. It all starts in our minds. Om shanti.

Friday, August 31, 2007

My Star Trek Women

Yes, I am a Star Trek nerd. Judge me if you must, but I am willing to admit it. So my deep fascination with Star Trek and my odd, yet slightly kinky-perverse attraction to the women of Star Trek got me thinking. What is it about these alien-babes that makes my warp core omit a tackion pulse, which then leads to an un-authorized launch out of my cargo bay?

For the sake on my sanity and preference, I am going to stick to futuristic foxy ladies of Star Trek: the Next Generation and Voyager. Welcome to my Nerdom!

Counselor Deanna Troi

I sense she is a hot lay. I always had a thing for the TNG Batazoid. I like that she sensed things and could feel things intensely. She always knew when they were in trouble...though usually after they had been shot at! I wonder if she could feel that it wasn't Riker between her thighs (her Imzadi!), when she was bangin' his accidentally created, DNA twin brother!? You get your play DT! Deanna Troi had some hot tits and a nice ass for a white girl. There must be some credit given to the fact that she had to wear the "no-rank/no-repect" uniform for many seasons. But man, her sket-arella outfits, made me one happy nerd (0:

Lt. Tasha Yar

Fuck the blob monster! She was taken too soon and too young! Then we had to be haunted by images of her, through her DNA twin, evil, Romulan Empire collaborating, hot sister. I had a appreciation of this hot security officer. Why you ask? I shall tell you. There is something about a woman and a phaser gun, combined with a light spanking that made me wake up inside. Her hair flirted with my early “lesbionic” fantasies of dykes. That was some serious dyke hair. Throw me in the brig! PUNISH ME, Tasha Yar! Gone to soon.

Ensign Ro

Who cares about her first name. Again, clearly another dyke and a naughty Maquee, with rebel Bijoran blood too! This is a package of wholesome-wickedness! I liked her firm attitude (dykeyness) and her "oh so tribal" earring. One sided...(too dykie). She was clearly a power-top and she would give it you with mad strap-on styles, or until you could not bare anymore. I just liked her pure stankness and her indifference to everyone. Word up.

Anyka Hansen (7 of 9)

Hot, hot, hot, hot. In many of my visions I have dreamt of being smothered by her breasts into a content, yet unconscious state. That outfit was pure porn for the future. Yeah baby! Her hot, mono-tone voice, banging body and “inability to comprehend foolish human sentiment” made her the cream of the crop. Half human, half borg. Amen. I love you 7.

Luteniant B’Lanna Torres

Wanted: Hot Klingon that likes to bite. I can always appreciate some biting. She was the kind of girl that would smack you down if you messed with her. Is this a bad thing?? That is for you to decide, you perverse sodomite! Clearly, the make-up sex would be the bomb with this half human/half Klingon woman of fire! BT had a hard Klingon exterior and a soft warm, human insides. Uh hum. She just needed hugs and most of the women I know. But her can do attitude and her smart talk as ships Engineer made her hot to handle. Congrats, Tom Paris, for making her into your baby mama!

Honourable Mentions:

The Hot Klingon Sisters: Lursa and B’Tor

Now we are talking--hot tata's all up in my face! Pass me a glass of blood wine. Pure duttyness, these Duras Sisters! Imagine getting tag teamed by this pair? They had a fighting spirit and a scent for the sexy time! I like them cause they emanated sex appeal is some foreign, and grotesque way. A session with these ladies would lead to a few black eyes, a sore ass and a locked jaw. That could be one of the best nights of my life.

Doctor Beverly Crusher

I did not really want to shag her, but she had cool hair and a fierce attitude! She forgave Jean-Luc for sending dear hubby, Jack away on the away mission that killed him. That is inner peace people! Her ability to rock her turquoise coloured doctor coat was always enduring to me. Her denial that her son, Wesley, was a flaming homo made me want to send her to sick bay to have a scan done on her brain. Like, hello!! However, our BC did possess a impeccable bedside manner. Respect, BC.

Commander Tepal, from Star Trek: Enterprise

Hot. Just hot. One hellz of a sexy, non-emotional woman. Again, I have known many, but she is the ideal.

The Borg Queen
The hottest and baddest, real bitch I know. You handle that collective and show them who is boss! Oh mama! I just can’t help it. I like the way she flirts with her strive for perfection and total annihilation of knowledge and culture. Don’t stand in her way, or she will assimilate your irrelevant and imperfect, human ass!
I need a woman like that.

Now I am going to go play video games, masturbate to porn and fuck a blow up doll.

The Light

Just like you...I get lonely too.
Just like you...I want to find my true place in the world, leave a peace of my legacy in mind and heart.
Just like you...I surrender to the glory of daylight, the caress of the sun's beams.

Just like you...I get disappointed by tolerated ignorance, selfish neglect and the blinders placed on the world conscience.
Just like you...I want to have someone to have and hold, when I need comfort and reassurance.
Just like you...I seek to learn about myself through the connections and contemplations that others provoke in me.

Crawl out from under the cloak of darkness and come into my light.

Just like you...I want to get to know you.
Just like you...I have cried many nights, wondering how I could ever open my heart again.
Just like you...I have a will of survival and protection.

Just like you...I will open my eyes to the mysteries that life has to reveal to me, and curiosity that knowledge offers to me in many mystical forms.
Just like you...I want to get to know you...all of you.
Just like you...I get lonely too.

"The Beast Within"

Blessed is he who reads aloud the words of the prophecy
And blessed are those who hear
And who keep what is written therein
For the time is near

He is coming with the clouds
And every eye will see him
Everyone who pierced him
And all the tribes of the earth will wail on account of him

Those of you who have not learned
What some call the deep things of Satan
I know your works
I know your toil
And your patient endurance
And how you cannot hear evil men
But have tested those who call themselves Apostles
But are not
And found them to be false

I know you are enduring patiently
And bearing out
For my namesake
And you have not grown weary
But I have this against you
That you have abandoned
The love you had

And I saw a beast rising out of the sea
With ten horns and seven heads
And a blasphemous name upon its head
And the beast that I saw was like a leopard
Its feet were like a bear's
And its mouth was like a lion's mouth
And to it the dragon gave his power
And his throne
And great authority
One of his heads had a mortal wound
But it seemed to have a mortal wound
That was healed
And the whole earth followed the beast with wonder
Men worshipped the dragon
For he had given his authority to the beast
And they worshipped the beast saying
"Who is like the beast and who can fight against the beast?"
And the beast was given a mouth
Uttering haughty and blasphemous words

It opened its mouth to utter blasphemous

It was allowed to make war on the saints
And to conquer them
And authority was given it over every tribe
And a people and tongue and nation
And all who dwell on earth could worship it
In vain
If anyone has an ear let him hear
If anyone is to be taken captive, into captivity he will go
If anyone who slays with the sword, with the sword shall be slain

I saw a new heaven
And a new earth
And I heard a great voice from the throne saying
"Behold the dwelling of God is with men
He will dwell with them
And they shall be his people
And God himself will be with them
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes
And death shall be no more
Neither shall there be mourning
Nor crying
Nor pain
For these things will have passed away
To the thirsty I will give water, without price
From the fountain of the water of life
He who conquers shall have this heritage
And I will be his God and he shall be my son
But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the polluted
As for the murderers, fornicators, sorcerers, idolaters
And all liars
Their lot shall be in the lake
That burns with fire and brimstone"

And he said to me
He said to me
"Do not seal up the words of the prophecy
For the time is near
Let the evildoers still do evil
And the filthy still be filthy
And the righteous still do right
And the holy still be holy
I am coming soon
I am the alpha
And the omega
The first
And the last
The beginning
And the end"

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Ever Wonder? Carnivale in Venice

Mask. Masks are an intriguing icon of human expression. They can be thought of as trans formative, freeing, imitative, expressive, creative or simply coy. I have always been intrigued by masks. They evoke a movement in my eyes, emotions, and feelings of instinct. I now am taking you on a journey to the Italian Renaissance. "Venice, Mother. Goddess." Will you join me for a dance?

Carnevale di Venezia or simply, Carvival of Venice.

The first recorded Carnival of Venice was in 1268. The entering of this application of expressionism was fueled by the restrictive laws that often banned public celebrations. Particularly, the wearing of masks was prohibited.
That was the law, my little scribes.

The display of masks paraded through the piazza's between the festival of Santo Stefano (St. Stephans Day, December 26) and Shrove Tuesday (day before Ash Wednesday). The finest and most ravish parties would take place in more discreet locations. Hence, most people were given the freedom to modify there personalities behind a shield of marvelous colour and craftsmanship, almost all year long.

The sheer elegance of the sights of these masks is appealing because they never reveal the stillness of one focus. They are encouraging of imagination, colour, a life of wealth and wine. Perhaps a roaring ballroom, finished with gold leaf and images and adornments that reflect the creationism of man's images of beauty.

Venetian masks can be either leather of in the technique of papier-mache. The central purpose of all masks remains constant: they are an transformative, whether logically or symbolically. Though simply adornment with lavish personification, these works of art tended to convey a far more complicated reflection of human imagination and escapism. Of the Italian Renaissace culture and the city's most vivid creative spirit. Perhaps an early revealing of the school of Venetian art that gained appreciation in the High Renaissance.

Masks are an illusion of imagination. Whether we choose to hide behind a mask, or allow it to exemplify our spirit of expressionism in public, we still remain our ordinary selves in private. Public and private persona can be two strongly opposing forces. Each of these two realms, attempts to negotiate identity politics and the journey for self-understanding, through the facade of mask(ing).