Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Resisting Temptation

Freedom is an illusion if you do not understand that change is a necessity, not an escapable route.
It is hard to keep the momentum of your feet going and keep your head above water if you feel as though you are being tripped and drowned.
Letting go of the pain and realizing that though there is so much sadness and suffering in our personal journeys, we are certainly not alone.
It is easy to surround yourself in numbers but it is not easy to surround yourself in respect and valuable musing.

Our potential to grow exceeds are potential at standing still. Those who have been remarkable are those who are relentless in being themselves and do not allow the external to influence their internal peace. Higher ground some say, a deeper understanding towards the truth.

That is not to say that they don’t struggle, that is not to say they do not cry and try and try. But they learn to inspire even from a distance in the often cumulus clouds atmosphere and raise the sun in the palm of their hands.
They are faced with those who they can not trust, those who are one-trick ponies and have little to achieve besides taking advantage of good hearts.
But no matter where they are along the skyline, they are never part-time about any of their intentions.

To them there is no such this thing as revenge; there is only love and respect.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Case of the Fake Friend

Vanity diminishes your soul.
It leaves you to become a person with no deepness of emotion and no desire for anything other than falsified self-control.
Love yourself deeply, but not yourself alone.
I have changed, though it has been hard to let go of the things that hurt me.
Lovers, friends, attachments to things that are beyond my earthly control.

He once told me that I was his sensible rock, though now to him I am just a freak of nature with a hint of drama to shake and stir.
He claims that I will say that he just doesn't understand, but maybe it is because he just does not want to understand something that is different then the way that he thinks I should be.
I stood by his side when he needed me, for years I watched him battle the depression of a lover lost and to remind him that he was worthy of happiness.
When it came time for me to be weak, crumble at my own feet, he was quick to aid in my defeat and insensitively tell me that I am no longer as strong as I use to be.

Does he think me a fool? Does he not see that I am fighting for my dignity as he once did?
I do not need to be reminded that I am not as I once was. Neither is he. I use to love him like he was my brother.
I stood by his side and he treated me like an ordinary friend, when I was not that at all.
I am not someone who can be brushed aside and nor am I willing to play his games of keeping control.
One day he will realize the friend that you had in me, but it will be too late.
Another stranger in my Paradise.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Father Held Daughter Captive in Cellar for 24 Years

Okay this the most disturbing story I have read in ages. This is honestly some of the most sick and sinister behaviour I have read learned about in a while and though I can admit that I have become sadly desensitized towards many tragic and sad situations, this one was hard to not feel empathy for.

Austrian police have arrested an elderly man after he was accused of locking his daughter in a basement for more than two decades and fathering seven children with her.

Police said the 73-year-old man, identified as Josef F., is in custody following a statement by his daughter, Elisabeth F, 42. She alleged in a police statement that he locked her in the basement of a home in the Austrian Alps town of Amstetten, and repeatedly abused her sexually. She said she had given birth to seven children including twins, one of whom died.

Police picked up the two on Saturday following a tip near the town's hospital, where one of the surviving children was rushed unconscious with an undisclosed serious illness.

In her statement, Elisabeth F. said her father began sexually abusing her when she was 11. Her father allegedly sedated, handcuffed and locked her in a room in the cellar on Aug. 28, 1984. She was reported missing a day later, and a month later a letter surfaced, allegedly written by her, saying she didn't want to be found.

Over 24 years, Elisabeth F. had seven children. She gave birth to twins in 1996, but one died several days later because of inappropriate care. The father allegedly removed the body from the cellar and burned it.

The latest case reminded Austrians of Natascha Kampusch, who was 10 years old when she was kidnapped in 1998 on her way to school in Vienna. She was held by Wolfgang Priklopil for nearly nine years in a small dungeon in his home in the suburbs. Hours after Kampusch escaped in August 2006, Priklopil killed himself by jumping in front of a train.

Police in Elisabeth F.'s case said DNA tests will be conducted to determine whether Josef F. is the children's father.


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

A Series of Moving Events

....that form a picture before it is even painted.

A painting has no meaning unless it is interpreted to validate its gaze.

A gaze is how we look at eachother when the sun has shone to reveal the blemishes in our tender skin.

My skin is brown. It is not a reflection of who I am, but what I am.

I am trying to stay ahead of knowing what I know and learning ways to make it smarter.

Smart. Think.

Thinking is a way of creating the painting in your gaze, as a tattoo of the DNA of your skin. What you are is what you are not. Be smart. Think.

You are the soul within.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Here, There, Everywhere!

What a lovely weekend this was for me and for those commuters who use the TTC - there is no longer a TTC strike beginning on our Monday morning! This is a sigh of relief for many Torontonians indeed, though it may have been nice to walk into work and enjoy this beautiful weather. Get off our lazy asses and move move move!

What a week this was for me. I was busier than a hooker on the corner of Jarvis and Wellsley. The week began with a trip to the Coca-Cola Bottling factory for a shoot for the Vancouver Olympic Games. Coca-Cola is one of the major sponsors of the games and this was a video created for product endorsement and brand creation. What a cool experience this was to see the assembly line of products being effortlessly thrown out into a bright red can and ready to serve off the line. I stood at starred for about 15 minutes, it was like a miniature universe. It was also very cool to work with Kathryn Humphries, who I have had a little TV crush on for a few years (she does sports reporting for City TV). She was very vibrant, hilarious and down to earth which made me enjoy her even further. Plus she had a tight little body. Sorry -- TV people are real people, not just sexual toys! My bad. A antique Coca-Cola car from the 1920's, a Olympic size swimming pool made of Dasani bottles and a mock mountain slope were some of the environments simulated for this video.

What else has TG been up to you ask? I have also been working on my first interview piece for Xtra with two queer women that will be winning "Women of Distinction Awards" this coming May. Watch out for this piece at the end of the month! So I have bought a dapper voice recorder and to the disarray of those around me, I can now record any candid conversation I desire! Be prepared to be exposed. Both of these women were extremely inspirational and were able to beam a positive light into my perspective. Inspiration it seems at times can be hard to come in contact with, but these women have opened my eyes to a multitude of minority issues and concerns in the Toronto community and beyond.

The week tied up with me coaching white people how to rap on a viral video for Cisco Systems Inc... Good times kids! This was a fun shoot, the energy was fun and my BF, Dee, ended up coming in as an extra to make some extra cash. AKA: she was a video ho! She was good at it, of course *W*

The office for Cisco Systems like being a kid at the candy store. Ridiculous. Technology everywhere. If you were Borg, you would be a most practical space. The coolest thing I saw was a room in which there is a half boardroom table that merge into three life-size screens. The illusion of the lighting in the room makes the screen appear to look like there is a continuance of the table, through the way in which the image of people appear on the screen in the same, uniform boardroom. That way the image on the screen can connect with various Cisco Systems offices throughout the world and appear as thought the individual(s) are right in front of you. Madness, the illusion is that the table is just continued right in front of your eyes. The technology was developed by Stephen Spielberg's workshop and retails at about a quarter-million bucks per unit. Cisco System is the first to provide this technology. This was some pretty high tech, geeky stuff.

Well all in all, it was a fun week full of new experiences and some fun memories. Cheers to another week of working hard for your munnnay!

Sunday, April 13, 2008

"Listen Up!" : The Gossip

Enough said.

Friend from Faux

When you see a stranger pass you by what do you see in them? How can you handle someones faith in your attention without ever wondering what makes them believe? I see the kindness in some peoples faces, in others I see a vacancy to noticing that there is someone human in front of them that may need a restoration of faith. A friend that may require a reminder to cultivate and stay strong.

We all need to have our brains recharged at times. We all fall and have the right to ask for help. Some are willing to help themselves without the consideration for others. Some are conditional about when help is applicable to their charge of care. But others have the strength of believing in you and reminding you that there is no bad, there is only growth. They encourage that state of mind is seeing that you have the prize in your possession, though you must still find the tools to see yourself monumentally rise. They never forget who you are.

A real friend believes in you even when they can not help them see the beauty in yourself, they don't give up on you. A true friend should be adored as a privilege and granted the respect of a friendship. I'll remember, though others I just don't know anymore.

Saturday, April 12, 2008


You hide.
I open up.

I say I miss you.
You say nothing, afraid of what your words may mean to me, responsibility.

I tell you that I think of you everyday.
You tell me that life goes on and there is no need to look back and see or wrestle with the idea of the potential of what this could have been.

This is unlike any situation I have ever been in, nor I wish to be in again.
You still don't have the time, I still don't have a satisfying explanation that gave you a reason to say goodbye.

You work so hard everyday, but I was not enough to make you want to work for me.

You once told me that I was not ordinary, that I would always hold a place in your heart. But now I know that your heart has grown cold of me. Demoralizing, shattering my spirit and making me feel unlike myself. You just don't know how much this has damaged me.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

"To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt."

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

We Need a Marital Revolution!

mar·riage [ márrij ] (plural mar·riages)

1. legal relationship between spouses: a legally recognized relationship, established by a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend to live together as sexual and domestic partners
2. specific marriage relationship: a married relationship between two people, or a somebody's relationship with his or her spouse They have a happy marriage.
3. joining in wedlock: the joining together in wedlock of two people
4. marriage ceremony: the ceremony in which two people are joined together formally in wedlock
5. union of two things: a close union, blend, or mixture of two things Civilization is based on the marriage of tradition and innovation.

Is the idea of marriage outdated? Historically one can see that marriage was used more as a bridging of familial lineage and the creation of a nuclear family in which a woman’s primary role was to procreate and carry on the lineage on the male line. Rarely do we think of love when we think of marriage, now and then.

As in any culture of the past, today we battle with the idea as to the relevance of marriage in our times. Some argue that monogamy is not a human virtue, citing example of the animal kingdom in which we often see a philandering of sexual relations among various species. Modernity can be viewed and deemed as the epitome of human freedom as we now possess the resources to be able to communicate quicker, create larger and faster and also access other cultures and communities without very much trouble. However just because we claim to have advanced technically, does it mean that we have enhanced physically, mentally or spiritually? Or do we even have the desire to grow?

I do not think so in the least. In fact I argue quite the opposite using marriage as an example to my theory. I think that though the traditional model of marriage was about the matrimony of two households, with the hopes of maintaining a hub of familial virtue based on merging two families through religion, social standing and finances. We now have the ability to go back to the core message of what the entwining of two people should really stand for, the ability to be gratefully satisfied (of course the correct person must be sought and found) without the gluttony of greed to look beyond the chambers of your shared bed for sexual fulfillment (again you must feel satisfied). I know that I may sound like a traditionalist at heart and I suppose I am, but I do not see this as impossible. Sex is sex and everyone is entitled to go get their own. But what I wonder about is whether we have actually regressed the idea of being able to see through a difficult time with our commitment to another through this so-called union because we are primarily concerned about keeping our hands clean from holding a responsibility to anyone but ourselves.

We focus on our own growth personally, professionally and sexually and this is only fare to understanding our desires, educations and attractions. Carnality is preached as a sin today, as it is was in the past, but you don’t see people worried about cheating or their spouses, do we? Religion aside this is about discipline and control.

So what happens to the identity of a traditionalist like me who can see an attractive light through the institution of a marriage? I am not talking about the prenuptial agreement, or even the signed marriage document. I am referring to my desire to make it with someone who challenges me everyday and that I am infinity happy to have enhance my life to look beyond my own desires, educations and attractions to create a greater energy together. Unity has never been a sin, neither harmony an unappealing sound. Distancing yourself from your lover should make you appreciate them more, not want to go out and find something to fill the void of sexual desire. If you are creeping chances are that you have not found the correct person for you. That is if you wish to seek one person to be with in the first place.

I believe that if two energies can come together with the honesty of truly caring for eachother in love and with the enthusiasm of seeing one-another grow to their highest potential, than there is no negative cogitation to the notion of marriage. Call me a romantic, but someone needs to be. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, that is what I have been taught. Sometimes you just need to sort through all the social and mental control that institutionalization tries to pressure us into believing and ultimately "failing." If one continues to view marriage as a binding oligarchic platform to simply control the physical and mental freedom of another, than the ultimate definition has been manipulated as deeply as the teachings of early religion. Physical discipline seems to be a harder challenge today then mental control. We all make choices about who we are through our actions so why step into the idea of a binding relationship if you yourself do not value its meaning or are not willing to control yourself? I am not trying to be judgmental for everyone is entitled to their own enjoyments and make their choices but I wonder if there is anything that anyone holds onto beyond tangible reach? Set those marriage licenses on fire and make this about burning love.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008


Snot is not nice. Sometimes it is green, some time it is clear. Never is it welcomed. Sometimes it comes from your nose tubes, sometimes it comes up in your throat. Never is it welcomed.

Snot sucks.

Term Twister: W.W.M.D?

What Would Madonna Do? This is the question I ask you. W.W.M.D is a reminder that we have the ability to rise and be heard, beyond judgment, beyond religion and beyond pain. We can create, we can provoke, we can be judged, but we must keep moving. We have the ability to love our pussies, spread our legs with declared enjoyment and rip up the dancefloor all in one shot. Mind over matter, but heart first.
When you are in a moment of doubt, in-security or you are feeling staggered in your growth, you must ask yourself W.W.M.D? Survive.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Dream Reel

I dreamt of you last night. I dreamt that we were holding hands and that we were as lovers are. We were a kaleidoscope of colours that had intertwined into a one eclectic stainglass marvel. I swear I could feel your kisses and remembered how sweet they were and how they melted my heart to pour love. I could see your beautiful smile. I dreamt that I was more than just a sentiment of a text message or an email from you and that you could no longer bear to have these bridges built between our continents. I dreamt of seeing you embrace me tenderly and tell me that I had touched you. I remembered and I missed you like hell, so much that I woke up several times throughout the night. I was wishing that somehow you were there with me.
But everytime these images flashed through the frames of my mind I was stirred by the waves of my unconscious mind and I rolled to see you, but you were gone. I just fell back over the other way and realized that you are no longer there. Un-do my sleeping mind which from time to time, makes me feel the pain of loosing you as if it were yesterday that I watched you leave. I am awake now and I just can't seem to concentrate or remember how long it has been that I have seen you. I try to drop the frames of pictures of you that are in my mind. I had a dream of you last night and so today, I think of you.

"4 Minutes": Madonna

Okay, this is not normal! How can you be almost 50 and look so damn fine! Ahhhhh! Work it Madge! SWERK!

Thursday, April 3, 2008

The Dreamer & The Visionary: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. & Mahatma Ghandhi

He had a dream.....A most magnificent dream.

He had a vision...A most magnificent vision.


All good things come to an end when there time has surely passed, but can you find forgiveness in your heart? Look beyond yesterday, or even today and know that with your heart it tact you will be okay. There comes a time to resign to being hurt by another’s hands, or another’s indifference towards the affection that you wish to bring into existence. Love starts within yourself, but when you are done loving you will there be anything left to give to someone else? Our world focuses on the idea of consumption. The more we believe to possess or control, the more we believe we are worth or we can contain. The more we smoke, the more we eat, the more we drink, the more we snort, the more we laugh, the more we cry, the more, more, more. Has anyone ever wondered if too much is just that, too much? Greed is not an honourable way to live if it means sacrificing the integrity of the soul that you have been blessed to carry within your chest. I can see clearly now that I crossed a point of no return, where I sat alone and forgot to remember that I was privileged to have a mother who had taught me how to be a woman of survival, with my feet on the ground, my head up in the clouds and only my dreams and ambitions to be realized.
Sometimes I can feel so lonely and afraid of not having what it is that I want, that I forgot to be hopeful of my potential to grow beyond this controlled realm. We are bred to fail so don’t forget that we must exhale and prevail. A moment I have taken to reevaluate the people who have touched me, the words that have moved me, the voices that have soothed me and the ones who I can turn to when I wish to run from myself, or reside in a place where I abused the salvation of emotional depth.
Knowledge and wisdom can only manifest with harmony for growth. For there is no rest for those who need to find away from all the things that they are told that they must buy, with little explanation to understanding there actual worth. The wheels in my head turn and turn, often my heart has burned and burned. But I say enough is enough. The only thing that I can strive to be is the change that I want to see for the future of our children, the future of our world. What is it that made you feel struggle? What made you weep with pain? Raise your fists in the air and say you can’t and won’t take it anymore. Love is what we are here for. No more empty constellations, look and find the way that they guide you towards elevation, contemplation and constant revelation. Write your book knowing that it will complete, be the author, the editor and the illustrator. Beginning to end, know that you are meant to fertilize the soil of the seed of your potential wisdom and knowledge to grow as tall as blades or grass. The end should justify the means by which you arrive at your destination, but will you be happy with who it is that you have allowed yourself to be(come)?