Sunday, March 30, 2008

Absolute Pattern

I have come out tonight for one reason, to dance,
I walk into the room and I see 100 women looking at me.
I don't care to see them as the only thing I can do is feel the rhythm seducing my feet.
Dance bitch, time to set free!

I use to be so afraid when I was young, conscious of letting myself be free to dance openly in front of a room watching me.
I was young, overweight and not necessarily proud of the way I looked. I was paranoid at the idea of someone watching clumsily try and bust a move, I was just so shy and so scared to express myself in my body.
For many years I watched people gather around the dancefloor with not enough courage to join them and release my own inhibitions. But somehow my head always was bopping and I never missed a beat with the sole of my foot beating against the ground, pound for pound.

I open my eyes and though the room is full, I see no faces, only bodies that move in different places. I want to move every muscle, I want to sweat until I soak through my shirt. I wanna close my eyes and feel the music lift me away from the reality that bites around me, the people that seem to rock in confined precession. This is my time to show the moves that allow me to keep at a regular flow, time to stop the show. Girl dance that booty out ya pants!

I let the music grow into a motion that resides in my hips, my butt, my arms, my breast and my feet, the blood inside of me. They can't handle me. I feel the first drip of sweat from my brow and I feel the possession in my body take over, enslaved by the rhythm, the vocals that urge me to keep up. It's all over now.

I use to think that I was not someone who could entice a room, no one special outside a crowd of movable art. But now I know that I am a piece of art alone, I can see it by the way I run out of breath and the way the music makes me moan from my head to my chest. If you can't keep up with me I suggest you stand aside, watch me lay it down beside you, step aside. Music resides within me, it is who I am. Like food gives us the energy to function through the day, it is music that allows me to make all my troubles go astray.

I danced until they said it was time to go. I smiled at the thought of how scared I use to be and now everyone was watching me. I am just the way I want to be, overheated, full of energy, stamina and not afraid to loose control when I am aware others look at me with peculiar glare. I am enraptured to the dancefloor, I am under her spell. She is my voodoo priestess and I her faithful concubine. Fill me, possess me, you have put a spell on me.

L Word, Season 5 - LAME

I just finished watching Season 5 of the L Word. All I can say is that the show has turned to complete crap. I will be the first to admit that I was addicted to L Word for the first 3 seasons it was a good, entertaining female soap-opera drama but there seems to be no redemption in my mind for this season past.

This series has completely sold out in producing stereotypical images of lesbian life and behaviour in a negative light. I no longer feel able to identify with any of these characters. For example, the character of Shane has always struggled with commitment and monogamy phobia. At first I was able to empathize with her inability to get close to people mentally, but at this point I have no care for her ridiculous behaviour. It is impossible to do what Shane does. It seems that every woman, gay or straight seem to want to fuck her. Really she is not that hot this season anyways. Girl needs to eat some food--magga benz! Some of her sexual scenarios were more far fetched than believing Madonna is a virgin and there is never any attention payed to her taking responsibility for how she makes the women she treats like trash feel. Shane's ex flings all just magically disappear into never-never-lesbian land.

Bette and Tina. Oh Bette and Tina. I believe this "relationship" is a very negative image of female self-esteem. Bette sleeps with Tina while she is still in a relationship with Jodi, the cool artist. Can we say lame? Do we quickly forget how Bette cheated on Tina when they were partners with the carpenter? Do we forget that they have partnered a child together and this is the image of an "in and out of my life" policy that they are showing their young daughter? We finally see a queer television show tackle the issue of gay parenting and this is what they give us. Eeeps. This is not how I hope to perceive a healthy relationship that involves a child, whether heterosexual or queer. The show portrays Tina like a rug you can walk all over and they never fully give her the opportunity to grow as a character without this constant affirmation to need Bette in her life. Again, this is a great image to show women as obedient, trained idiots.

Alice. Oh I still heart Alice but the storyline with Tasha seems to be loosing me now, though in the beginning of the season it did interest me. Or wait, maybe that was the hot sex scene with the ice cream...uh hum. Tasha continues to be an "angry black lesbian" from the military and Alice, the white girl that makes it all come undone for her when her hidden sexuality is revealed in public, IN AMERICA! Ethnic-queer-shame! Please people, it really is not always this dramatic. Not all us ethnic lesbians become bitter, wear combat boots and shoot at things. Race seems to be manipulated as a reason that far exceeds the simplicity of human connection here, even sex. It is used to highlight the belief in narrow-mindedness of the difference of a black lesbian identity over a white one. Plus the lingering temptation of Alice cheating at the end of the season once again illustrating that we, lesbians, are unable to be truthful to our partners before being responsible enough to tell the truth before becoming cheaters.

Jenny. She is still crazy and I can almost say I like her more now then before. She seems to be the only character that struggles with something that I may mildly care about, a mental struggle. The story with the nerdy Adele, who transforms from Ugly Betty to Devil Wears Prada is so unoriginal. Jenny can be a little hard to watch at times because she can be such a power hungry bitch, but at least we are able to see that she is trying to grow and understand once she comes back down from her high horse. This plot line ironically seems to be something of a hoax from a bad Hollywood film. Cut!

It is a shame that the writers and creator of the series has gotten to a point where they feel they can not explore anything beyond the circle of lesbian sex. This show is no longer about friendships or even connections, it is only about sex, sex, sex and not even hot sex. If I wanted to watch erotica, I would. This show is geared more towards heterosexual male fantasies now then a visibility for lesbian women.
As The L Word is the one of the only depictions of lesbianism in popular media, I think that it is a shame and embarrassing that this is a depiction of how we live our lives. I know this show is not encompassing of all lesbian identities, that is impossible, but I wish it would use a little more reality check approach than sex crazed zombies approach. These characters no longer have any substance in connecting to their viewers because they no longer are appealing to watch grow. Stagnant and boring, L Word, Season 5.

Angry lesbian TG, signing off.

P.S. What the hell happened to Papi? All the latinas disappear!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Elementary Philosophy

We fear that which we can not comprehend, grasp or hold onto. I myself have in the past few months struggled with the loneliness of immediate loss. When you have something before you that you know you desire to care for with tenderness and attention, it is difficult to let it go.

But you can not hold that which is not yours to care for. Freedom is a trick, for it can be marginalized to the idea of whoever lands on your dick, a quick fix. In a world in which many seek to no longer find a means of connection beyond the realms of their everyday, I sit and ponder the lessons that I am meant to see beyond the hesitation of feeling alone, without anyone to hold.

We must be strong to endure the suffering that we feel, when neglect is a unmeasurable element that will always unravel and peel. Falling from grace by no means says that you are not worthy of love, life and happiness. Your fight is in the ability to maintain, stay true to the path that is destined for your train. Be wise my sisters, be wise. Hold onto yourself tight in the darkness of the night.

Impact others for they will never forget the way you made them feel. Those you care for can go astray, choose other avenues to occupy themselves and satisfy their cravings. But the only thing that you can stand firm in tending to is the energy you feed to others. If you know that you have left your mark with a good heart, you can look forward again to a brand new start. If you no longer feel healthy at the thought of something, let it go. It is a pollution to your soul and the only means to get control of it is to really let it go. Freedom is an illusion of the body, but not of the mind. Regulation into robotic nature is not my peace of mind.

The School of Athens, Raphael

I can see the world reveal itself to me with the palm of my small, soft hands and though I am scared I must realize there is so much more for me to understand. I know now that which I want, that which makes me feel alive. I no longer wish to sit an ponder about failed endeavours or the man undercover, who dashed away from being my brother.

Fear is controllable, for if you know that you deserve happiness it will always be yours. Enjoy and live, remember those who have brushed the heart of your soul and remember that once you leave, your legacy will be away from that which you sold.

Be as you are, allow yourself the time to heal but do not take for granted that you are alive. Do not lean on anything but your own dreams to support the way. Feel through each moment and be thankful everyday.

That which is meant to be will come back to you, even if it now evades you. Never forget the possibilities that are ahead. Life is not a journey if you do not allow it to converse with you, educate you, trip you along the way. You must always find a way back to the confidence that allows life to show you the way towards brighter days. Never forget to understand that with privilege we are all blessed all the time.


Compulsive mind.
Stop pressing rewind.
Forward fast.
Destination unknown.

Empty cellar.
Aged wine.
Taste of life.
All divine.

Shattered glass.
Bleeding feet.
Walking through fire.
Rise even when weak.

She is gone.
He has come.
She is one.
He is none.

Religion sought.
Myself found.
Divine intervention.
The world is mine.

Monday, March 24, 2008

My Commute Downtown

I got on the train and I looked for a seat.
I saw one in the far corner and messily in my morning daze I fumbled over with my hood up and my headphones on.
It was like any other morning, but then I looked up.
There she was. She was dark and her skin was as smooth as creamy butter melting on the tip of my quick tongue.
I flicked the track on my Ipod, the mood was not right.
I tried not to stare, but she was sitting right there.
I was one arm length away from me feeling her body pressed deeply against mine.
I crossed my legs and she continued to cross my mind.
I first noticed her juicy, thick lips.
She was resting and her eyes were closed.
I licked my lips.
I wanted to suck the nectar out of her and leave my love bites all over her body.
I have no control over my need to want to fuck her deeply.
I wanted to taste her spread open, sitting on my face.
My pussy was pounding like a drill of deep discovery.
I could not/I did not want to stop my mind from tracing every inch of her body with the tip of imagination.
Each curve of her remarkable body that I had now began to piece together like a puzzle from my attention to her details.
I imagined if I was bold and she had opened her eyes, she would see me looking at her with hunger, with pure desire.
I thought of how I would take her home and pour her some wine, light some candles and ask her to unwind.
Put on some Jodeci and ask her to be mine for this moment in time.
Open yourself to me.
I would pull her close and tell her how much I wanted to feel her inside of me.
Once she had broken me loose, I would ask her to pull out and taste me on her fingers.
Taste me.
I want to make her sweat like a good cardio session, but I want her not only be dripping with sweat, but the juice her body has expelled with joyful praise.
My mouth felt dry, I swallowed.
Feeling the hot candle wax drip down my back.
Just watch me burn.

Ding! Ding! We have arrived at the station.
I have come into the city today.
I smile at her, have a nice day (0:

Sunday, March 23, 2008

The Love Technician

Those who speak to me in the right voice, I shall allow to follow me.
Away from this place of misconstrued falsifications, illegible shredded pieces of paper containing the wisdom of direction that has gone astray.
If you come with me you will begin to see that nothing is of matter except that loves that resides between you and me. Allow me to heal you.
I know it is not easy, but if you are honest in your journey it can never be that way. I will administer the temperature when you decide to rise and restore the faith in the love that we share. A essence of energy that grows with infinite power between you and me. But first with me.
Like a fire you must tend to this mutual flame and never let it sizzle out and turn into a pile of ashes and molten strain.
Human connections are bestowed upon us as a challenge to see if we are able to envision that my brothers and sisters, together we are meant to be.
Do not allow history to repeat itself, a change can only start if we are strong enough to challenge the destruction and pain that has been tormenting us from reaching our highest elevation away from bullets of inhumane.
We were born to create, not to destroy without the responsibility of fate to appreciate, that which we allowed to slip away because we were not able to understand the lesson that before us have taken shape.
Open your mind to and you will see that I am a not full of anger and disappointment, it is always just a temporary strain on me.

I was sitting underneath the apple tree when the apple hit the top of me. Pop!
A bubble floated out of my head and into a stream that connected with the hand of the ocean of what ebbed and flowed into the center of me.
The apple, when it impacted the top of my petite head, snapped me out of my heightened sense of self-inflicted insane and reminded me that in my principles I must stay without sway.
Seek and you shall find. Guide and they shall follow.
I am a love technician that has been granted the opportunity to free those who will open their heart to me. I am not here to receive if I am not first here to give. I give you my words that beat with a persistent and reliable sound within my chest, my voluptuous breasts.
I unravel the exhausting miles that have been run through the blood in my veins, around and backwards, forward and defined only with the intention of gaining knowledge of loving through the rain.
I take a bite of this juicy, red apple. It tastes good to me.

I regain a moderation of analytical feeling that is my mine to share beyond the seed of a worm that has the ability to eat away my inner wears.
Lean over, spread your soul, let me inject you, it is beyond the comprehension of your control.

M.I.A - On Your Skin Musical Revolution

Straight out this is the coolest brown chick in the world (well tied with me...(0:)

I saw her live about 2 years ago (she regularly frequents T-Dot) and she has one HYPE crowd. Her energy is wicked and she is socially conscious, her beats are tight and she infuses electro, dancehall beats and pure bhangra goodness. M.I.A is the real deal...MASH IT UP!!!

M.I.A. is Maya Arulpragasam, 32, a Sri Lankan artist who grew up in London after her family was forced to flee her nation's civil war. Her father was deeply involved with this movement and this no doubt influenced her writing and need to emote what she had seen, heard and felt through her creative expressionism. While her first album Arular, dealt with more political issues and her body as politics within her displacement, her ambitions and refugee educations (dash that curry!), her latest album, Kala is about her brown skin and using it to describe both having an insider and outsider perspective of observation on society and culture, as long as she keeps her refugee status and visa close by.

Kala is genius and exceeds even beyond Arular with some crazy experimentation's for sound, effects and breaks. Representing for the brown ladies all around the world is M.I.A.


From Arular,"Galang."

From Kala, "Bird Flu."

"LDN": Lilly Allen

ThunderpussGeisha LOVES IT!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

History Bite: Hatshepsut

Hatshepsut (lived in 15th century) was the eldest daughter of Thutmose I, ruler of the 18th Dynasty (Middle Kingdom) of Ancient Egypt. The Middle Kingdom has been noted by scholars to perhaps be the most progressive culturally, socially and artistically in the legacy of this great civilization. Under Thutmose I, Egyptians were able to re-conquer Nubia and reassert their power of neighbouring Palestine and Syria. Upon the death of Thutmose I, his son Thutmose II succeeded him as ruler of Egypt. As pharaonic tradition dictated the great pharaoh was to marry his eldest sister, thus Thutmose married his half-sister, Hatshepsut.

Thutmose II was very ill however. Thutmose II and Hatshepsut co-ruled the Egyptian lands until his death in 1479 BC. His youngest brother, Thutmose III, who was son of Thutmose I and a concubine then ascended to the throne. Thutmose III had been married to the daughter of Hatshepsut by Thutmose II prior to his death. At the time Thutmose III was barely a child, thus Hatshepsut saw this as an opportunity to rise into a position of power and so she did.

In 1473 BC. she crowned herself as pharaoh of Egypt, a position in which she reigned marvelously until 1458 BC. Hatshepsut played the part of pharaoh formidably, even taking on the regalia of pharaohs before her with a false beard and crown. She erected iconographic images of herself as her predecessors, as the son of god.

Under her rule Egypt peaked in its glory. She led a very peaceful reign that was marked by great construction projects such as the projects in Luxor and Karnack, two vital cities to the heart of Egyptian culture and achievement at the time. However her greatest accomplishment may just be her ability to act as a peaceful ambassador of the Egyptian lands, as while ruling she led a large-scale mission to Punt, a country to the south of Egypt that had not been tapped for any of its natural resources.

Thutmose III ruled alone for 33 years after over throwing Hatshepsut in 1458 BC. Suspicion is that he was aggravated and very peeved at her and may have had her killed or hidden in exhale, though it is not certain. Thutmose III ordered the destruction of her face from many monuments and sculptures; he literally tried to de-face her from history.

However her legacy far succeeds his accomplishments. Her funerary temple at Deir el Bahri is a masterpiece in Egyptian architecture, under the steady hand of her court architect, Senmut. This temple is an immortalization of her expedition to Punt with a series of massive landscaped terraces and an abundance of magnificent singular pieces of craftsmanship.

She was a woman of intelligence, strength and vigor and held the power to rule as a man in a time where women were not often permitted to rise to the privilege of pharaoh.

In 2007 archeologists claimed to have found her mummified body in the Valley of the Kings. They placed a relic tooth that had been associated with Hatshepsut in the mouth of the mummy and it fit perfectly. But it is un-confirmed if this is actually the body of this great Queen-Pharaoh. If this is actually her body it would be the greatest find in archeology since the tomb of Tutankhamen.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

"You Have Placed A Chill In My Heart": Eurythmics

You have placed a chill in my heart.
You have placed a chill in my heart.

Take me to the desert
Where there's got to be
A whole heap of nothing
For you and me
Take me to the desert
Take me to the sand
Show me the colour of your right

Love is a temple
Love is a shrine
Buy some love at the five and dime
A little bit of love
From the counter store
Get it on credit if you need some
I'll the figure of your disgrace
A criss cross pattern upon your face
A woman's just too tired to think
About the dirty old dishes in the
kitchen sink.

I wish I was invisible
So I could climb through the
When it hurts my ear
And it hurts my brain
And it makes me feel too much
Too much too much too much.
Don't cut me down
When I'm talking to you
'Cause I'm much too tall
To feel that small.

Love is a temple
Love is a shrine
Love is pure
And love is blind
Love is a religious sign
I'm gonna leave this love behind.
Love is hot and love is cold
I've been bought and I've been sold
Love is rock and love is roll
I just want someone to hold.

Hold me now
hold me now
come on
yeah !

You have placed a chill in my heart
make me feel
come on now!
You have placed a chill in my heart

You have placed a chill in my heart

Universal Realignment

I’m seeing the universe inside of me. A universe full of love, happiness and so much mystery. A universe that I combusted my bright star in by myself from disrespecting my own worth and the temptation of desperation of what it is that I thought I needed, that made me very unwell. I have never felt happy when am sad and in pain, never. Love is all I need, for it is all that really matters. People will come, people will go. Love will always remain my consort, my noble stead, my humblest companion. I do not wish to do anything less than inspire people with my strength and belief in the power of love. Come on baby, you got to keep on moving. I am moving in the direction of the one virtue I wish to reach before my expiration into a renaissance into a new body with the same soul; the truth. Karma will go around so put out the time, energy and understanding that you need to continue on your path towards enlightenment. If there was no love is my day, I would rather stay in isolation. I see it now, it is all around me. In my hands I wield the power to love through eternity and beyond. I am not an ordinary woman, I am extraordinary. The bruises of emotions past and the fear of making it on my own, I put them to rest. I am everything I want to be and I will be everything I want be always. I will be your friend, I will be your sister, I will be your lover, I will be your secret admirer, I will be your jester, I will be your advisor, I will be your guide. My worth is beyond the measure of gold and diamonds. I have a heart that will not bend. I have dreams that only a dreamer can romanticize into the truth. I sit and reflect on the days gone by and now I know it is time for me to go back into the womb of warmth that I was born of. An embryonic fluid energy of magnificent creationism. I will be a creator, not a destroyer. I have the power to be god. I will build dreams, I will not tare them into pieces. I will not be defined by physical wealth and attainment, I will be spiritual on appreciating the little things that mean everything to me. I re-invent myself to be born again into the wisdom that I already posses.
The time is for loving and inspiring. Now.
A star is re-born.

Sunday, March 16, 2008


Vision of Love

You are the heart of my soul.
Every morning I rise and am so grateful to be blessed to have you smile in your sleep through the long hours of the lonely night, beside me.
I will always put you first because I know the rarity of your beauty divine.
I know that love is not easy to maintain, not your average 9-5.
It doesn’t take long for me to notice the glow you shine into my life.
Hold my hand and feel my strength, I would defend you with my dying breath.
I would rest still at your side and hold you tight without any hesitation of wanting to ever say goodbye.
I feel no shame in admitting that you have ignited the light that shines within me so bright.
I know that times will change, but my love will always remain as constant as the sun will rise again and again.
Not a damn thing will come between you and I. I promise to always try.
I would die for you, I would lay at your feet and cry an ocean if it leads me into the tides of your heart.
Without you by my side, I would be so scared of falling apart.
I would be left with the roar of my emotions and a ravaged, dented heart.
You allow me to see beyond myself and remind me that there is something that I was sent to make.
A home that I want to share with only you, my love. You are safe inside me.
With my two hands I will build the dreams that you wish to see come true.
Like a mountain glorious, touching the tallest of skies.
I will encourage you, I will forgive you for all your flaws.
I will confide in you, I will allow you to be my child.
You mean the world to me beyond the realm of what I can see.
You have touched the core of my spirituality.
It is with you that I want to be.
My love, you make it all alright.
Come close to me, I want to love you through the night.

"I'll Be There": Mariah Carey

These were the days when Mariah Carey was one of my favourite singers. Her vocals are flawless and her emotions are so powerful. Such a beautiful song with such a beautiful voice. This is the good stuff

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Fashion Icon Report: Spring/Summer 2008

Accessories make my life be filled with stylistic expression. They say Express Yourself. Well Madonna does and necklaces, braclets, earings, belts, hats, rings, scarves, head wraps and hair. I care a little more for my body because I can wear things that are not just for warmth. Brrr...winter.

I have been out to the malls helping a friend hunt for a wedding outfit for her trip to a wedding in Mexico. We all can use some sun after this winter, Torontonians come together. You feel me? I am slightly envious as I to am dreaming of a beach and a daiquiri. But I have compensated for my envy by treating myself to a couple small pieces of art fashion. Mama loves her accessories!

I am happy to report that the season of fashion forward is looking very BRIGHT! I love the colour. I am glad to see the sun come back out with the colour.

This years spring/summer trends seem to be revolving around an array of bright shades. Floral print will be the trend to appreciate, as it is being executed with more of a fun-retro feel to it, more loopy and large, as opposed to 1973 tacky couch, Tabi business. Remember that pattern is to look sharp and display an abstract appreciation for looking casual and sleek and fun. Not a bad combination.

An split between 1940's and 1970's inspired colours seem to be dressing the racks. I have seen many more bold abstract pieces of both clothing and jewelry.
Green, pink, orange, fuchsia, yellow, orange, cherry red and lively shades of red and blue and grey. Gold and silver can add a sparkle of fancy to an outfit. Charm bracelets, amulets and earrings that are not as heavy as a more neutral tone, winter jewelry choice. There is an appreciation for fun pieces and eclectic flare. Wooden jewelry has become more visible on shelves and show appeal to those who want a piece that connects organics to fashion. Bling can get heavy in the summer and wearing our earth seems pretty hippie cool to me (0:

However you look at the season of fashion ahead it not as flat, un-inspiring and toneless as the last few seasons of collections and the blindness and boredom they created for my eyes. I was about to use my Donatella panic button!

Form fitting continues to be a classic trouser cut. But don't feel afraid to try and wear things that do not stick to your body. Sometimes a little left to the imagination can peak the admiring eye of a stranger. Remember we go from really cold to really hot. You do not want to have a sweaty crotch, embrace a pair of handsome cotton or linen pants. Clean lines and nice tailoring to show off your most lovely form is what I recommend.

In shoes many wedges, flat sandals (I really like those reminiscing the style of Athenian fashion). More prominent thicker heels, rather than stick heels and more focus of form than on the embellishments. Rich colours and items with more individual personality for its wearer to actually rock.

Don’t be cheap if you desire to look confident and stylish, but don’t buy based only of brand. Look around at different stores and weigh your options, there are pieces to choose from for Spring/Summer 2008.

Friday, March 14, 2008

Clients LOVE Fridays!

Tell me why it is that clients love Fridays to drop bomb shells on you?! They, like ginger kids, have no soul. The interesting part of working in the production industry, is gaining an appreciation for just how long it takes to set-up, shoot, record voice overs and edit (mix and add supers, when necessary). Their passive- agressiveness to pretend that they do not hear the realistic timeline to recieve a quality product is fasinating. I never fail to be amused by their mad demands and their stingy pockets.

Why do they choose Friday? Because they want you to have no life and wither away until your fingers bleed.

All I need to say is BA-HUMBUG! Here's to all the little people in the world that slave away to make the big people happy! TG feels for you. I need a joint.

Back to work.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Knock knock.
She opened the door.
In flash of light, I see something that is beyond my understanding of instinct and control. I nudge my friend in the arm. He knew I was paralyzed.
I am frozen by how much I can feel my thighs start shaking at the sight of her.
Like out of my dreams, smooth, black and with raw wisdom in her eyes that attracts me to her like a moth to a flame.
I am speechless and enticed by her beautiful, Medusa hair, and her masterful presence.

It is impossible; she could never fall for a woman like me.
I am extraordinarily tempted to want to tell her how much she has shaken my world, but now is not the time.

I think it was fate. I felt the roots of her intertwined with the ribbon of my desires. I did not know how to act, I knew that I felt. I wanted to kiss her. I was shy, but this was different. I couldn’t get her out of my head. I didn’t want to get her out of my head.

Eventually, we sat on her couch. I with my hands folded still neatly, yet my thighs still contorting with some sort of a possession at the thought of her being beside me. This could not be true. I somehow built up the courage. I wanted to kiss her.
Our lips met, my heart skipped a beat.

Sunrise. I was smiling in bed thinking of her the next morning. I could smell her skin. I could feel her luscious lips, her breathing me in like perfume on a satin wrist. Everything about her from the moment I first woke up. I smiled. I did not want to bug her, she is always a busy bee. I needed to tell her how she made me heart sing.

She was singing when I caught her. How could I tell her she made me skip a beat? I told her and I waited to see her face again. She is a busy bee. I knew this was impossible. She does not have time for a woman like me. I wish she did.

Who’s there?
Comfort and condolences.
I loose something that I will never forget. I carry it in my heart shaped pocket.
She feels what I feel, she tells me so.
I feel love.
I feel sad.
Comfort, I wrap up tight in her arms at night, on the couch. The space is small, but the scent of her makes me want to explode with gratitude.
She was there.
A composition of darkness.

Where do we go from here?
Swept away from you.

Sunday, March 9, 2008


I want to suffocate myself. I don’t want to breath anymore. I have no friends left, no one left that I deserve to ask to help me open the door. I am as lonely as a girl can be. I walk up all alone and realize there is nothing left inside this plastic terrain of me. Something has gone terribly wrong and now there is no turning back. One thousand beautiful colours of rainbow from yesterday are now shaded in black. Though I am young, I know now that the palm reader was true. I will not live past a young age, I will not make it through.

I know that each day the sun will continue to rise, with renewal that there is no turning back. Only an understanding to uncover your volatile past. But I have succumbed to knowing that I am not a woman of steel, only a loser that can’t stop but feel. They are all gone, I am surely alone. Only children remind me that I must fight the pain of my sadness and pity, even if I have lost my own way. Back on to the playground with your head up. Here, now I sit and cry, for I know that my heart is a tissue torn that has been cursed to never be geared to reverse.

Everything has gone to dark, even on the brightest of days. Don’t look at me for hopefulness and happiness, for these are distant feelings that are now a passing gaze of my younger days.

If I died tomorrow it is not because I did not love you. It is because I am too lonely to understand how to be without you. I have a family that is broken, though we are still one. I can’t seem to escape the leash of hereditary insane, there is no glamour in shame. I have come undone far beyond repairable control. Now watch me fade into an inspiration of a woman that once lived with such faith, who will be remembered for all the mistakes she continued to make.

I need to reach out all the time, I can no longer stand alone. What a tragedy for a woman who alone once was a whole. I am divided and conquered. I am no longer a glass half-full, I am a glass half-empty. I am no longer a wise mother, I am an illiterate slave. I am no longer a teacher, I am an idiot dancing around with imperfect grace. I am no longer a lover and I am definalty not a fighter. But I still manage to have a damaged soul.

I always thought that I could make it through, I have such a strong mother to look up to. She is a survivor of displacement and personal pain. Born under the same energy and sky as me, but I am not as brave as she continues to be. For it is me I no longer want to be. It is me that has become so weak and bowed down to the face of defeat.

I submit my body, down on my knees I beg for you to stop all the pain in me.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

Project Runway, Season 4 FINALE!

YAY! That is all I can say. This season had the most innovative and exciting challengesto-date and the designers were amazing! I don't wanna give anything away, but I will say that the elegance, homage to historical fashions were merged efforlessly by the finalist.
Gillian makes beautiful clothes that make women feel lovely and modern. She did grow on me as the season went on. She is very American.
Rami is a perfectionist and a bridger of culture and fashion. His work is delighful colour and his craftsmenship skills are incredible to detailing.
Crisitian is FIERCE! This little lesbian-haired gay is only 21 and creates pieces that are worthy of haute couture on European runways. He is a complete showman and this powerful collection is a blend of masculine and feminine presence, shading lines of gender and sexuality. I would wear him anyday....SWERK!

ENJOY! Here is the final minutes of the last episode:

Term Twister: PIANO BUTT

What is Piano Butt?
Piano butt is formed by sitting at the piano too much from a young age. The result is that your butt is manipulated to take on the form of the piano bench that you sit on. Yes, you literally become one with your piano through the impact it leaves on your butt. Piano butt.

Characterisics of Piano Butt:
One hell of a flat ass. Even if you started with some junk in your trunk, it becomes pressed into a whole-lota-nada. Can be mistaken as a flat white person ass, but you must see beyond the keys!

Example of Piano Butt:
A prime example is Alicia Keys. As much as a fine-ass woman she is, you can't but help but wonder what you would have for desert, what you would hold on to when you give it to her penitentuary syle.
I am conflicted, though I would still like to hide under the piano and eat her while she sings and plays to me. Gulp. Talented musician or no ass? Burn that piano I say! If you got no ass, I ain't got time for you!

I still love you AK.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Queen of the Jungle-Sea

I know a Lion Woman.
She has a delicate, shining fur that embellishes the beauty of the scars she wears under her assumed thick skin. The golden fur and her deep scars that are hidden beneath give her such character.
What people don’t know is that when the hunters try and hunt her, she uses her glowing fur to deter the fear in her eyes. No one can ever read the fear in her eyes. Initially she allows herself to be a spectacle to entertain and even inspire those around her in the wild world. People see how she wears her gorgeous coat with such ferocious pride, that to them she is magnetic, enticing. They all gather around her in worship. She is unlike any other lioness they have ever seen. She wields such power with her roars, yet she also shows such open vulnerability through her deep purr. She is unlike any lioness they have seen

Yet though they see this unique beauty, they still choose to carelessly shot at her and be amused to her stuttering retreat into a quit corner away from glaring eyes. The hunters who have sought her do not have they intention of killing her, unusually enough, they just wish to benefit from watching her in her natural habitation. The way she moves, the way she thinks, the way she feels through things around her. She is unlike any lioness they have seen.
She is impossible to ignore.

When she was first born she was not an ordinary lioness. She had a small bump on her back and she did little allow this to make her feel different, or ostracized from the other lionesses around her. In fact, she knew the nature of survival for a lioness was the coming together of them to hunt to find just the perfect prey. This small bump on her sturdy back grew into a shell, which most resembled that of a crab. Now they were sure that she was unlike any lioness they have seen.

The Lion-Crab Woman.
She is seasoned to firstly protect those who she loves with all the might of her will. For that is what a lioness and a crab do, they protect. But she sometimes forgets how to protect herself.
In the battlefield she has fallen only prey to one defeat. The inability to adapt to the hunters that dangle meat at her face and then leave her with nothing but rotten meat to consume. This makes her very, very ill.

She is unlike any lioness-crab they have ever seen.
When she is ill, her guts are openly expelled time and again.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

A Tribute to Lesbian Film...

Brown People Are Scary Because...

Alright! Here it is kids. What you have been waiting for. A good old racist battle! My dear friend and fellow art genuis, Shaun "The Dace," aka: The Tall White One, wants to get back at me for all my anger, agression and RACISM towards white people. So he is coming back with some ammunition aimed at my phamily!

So here is what he has to say against my people.

5. They tilt their heads back and forth when giving attitude, telling a joke, giving instruction, or taking orders.

4. They don't understand when its is appropriate to give comments...usually yelling out their opinion in an exajerated accent...and then repeating it in a softer tone to make sure those around have heard.

3. They call each other by weird baby names...Gigi, papa g, uncle g, bunty, etc...

2. Everytime they dance they think its some kind of Bollywood movie...Women motioning in the air and completing slow full hip movements in large circle formations, or men moving side to side pretending they are moving giant scarves across their shoulders...usually hitting us white people in the head with no rhyme or rhythm.

1. Their B.O. STINKS!!!!
like moldy curry

There bitch. You gave your kind of people a voice. Don't forget I still have the power of the bobble-bobble back-slap! Watch your back T.W.O.

Kiss a cow in a chunnari with your white, pointy cap on, I say! I am sure we can all get along.

Cheers Dace.

In My Secret Garden

I open the gates into my secret garden.

They are antique, made of a golden iron that looks like it has weathered from many violent storms passing through.
My garden is a place of sanctuary. A place where I escape into sheer silence, besides the noise of the wind and the insects flying by. BzzzZZZzzz.

I can sometimes hear the petals of the flowers opening to reveal a beauty of a world that could fit into the palm of my hand.
When I close my eyes and listen, I can hear them coming to life, like a baby crying when it breathes its first gasp of air in the world.
My garden is a place where I do belong and my heart does not harden.

I walk slowly, my hands neatly tucked at my side. One step forward and I wiggle my toes in the dirt, two steps forward and I raise my head to feel the magic that surrounds me against my face,
I stop and I close my eyes. My hands begin to feel sticky from quenching my palm. I relax my arms, then my fingers.
I breathe in the air and I get a little tickle in my throat from the pollen.
I resist the temptation of a sneeze and instead I control my breathing.
My eyes begin to weld up of tears from the power of the sun and the sensitivity of what my eyes have seen.

I can feel the glory of the sun pulse against my brown skin and with my small fingers, I begin to caress the growth of my curly hair.
It feels like my hair has grown three inches in a few minutes, accelerated by the authority of the sun over my vessel, my follicles.

I take another few steps forward and I turn to see a little bird gently hovering over a gathered group of Gerber flowers. The bird seems to soar above worries, above fear. I am entranced. I watch it with such admiration for rising above dangers and burdens, to levitate to a vantage point of gaining a unique perspective. I wish I could fly like the little bird.

After being transfixed for a few minutes and feeling the first beat of sweat drip down my brow, I decide to move deeper into the garden, into her womb, to hide inside the organ of roses — long stemmed and full of colour, function and importance. Under the shade of my willow tree, which stands alone to the right-side of the garden, I decide to lay my burden down.

I bend my knees and slowly sit down, breathing in every ounce of air as it were my last. I feel Mother Earth tell me it is my time to grow, to be nourished by her and her infinite desire to cultivate growth.

I look at my fingers which now show dirty from running my hands to stroke the earth. I sit by the elbow of my willow tree’s largest branch and close to the rose’s bed. I prick my finger on a thorn of a delicious red rose and I watch the blood ooze up and over, like a pot overflowing from boil. In slow motion I watch my blood hit the ground. I prick myself time and time again. Each time I am equal in pain and I become more hopeful of understanding why it is that these roses have thorns.

A rose without a thorn, a lover without scorn.

I begin to feel light-headed from the heat of the sun and loosing so much blood. Enough infliction, I decide. I rest down on the ground and wash the dirt all over my body, tucked between the roses and my guardian willow tree. I turn to the left and there it is again, the little bird sitting on the red rose I had first pricked my finger upon.

It seems to be looking at me. I smile and we observe one-another with curiosity and admiration. Until the pain of the wounds subsides, I stare into the birds yellow face and examine with jealously, the beautiful blue colour that dresses its feathers. The bird encourages me to rest, with a small soft noise and a polite pecking sound that reminds me of my cockatiel when I was a child.

Eventually I fall asleep…with the little bird at my side. When I wake several hours later, I am sheeted in my own sweat, but I feel as though I have allowed my body and soul to be cleansed by everything alive.

Until I return again…I get up with a smile on my face and forget about all the pricks on my fingers. But I never forget that yellow-faced, blue-feathered bird.

Suck On Me: SHE'S BACK!

Hard Candy: Official Press Release

Madonna's 11th studio album for Warner Bros. Records 'HARD CANDY' is scheduled to have a global release on April 28th and a US release on April 29th, it was confirmed by her label.
'HARD CANDY' (the follow up to Madonna's 'CONFESSIONS ON A DANCE FLOOR' which debuted at No. 1 in 30 countries and sold over 8 million copies), has been described as a brilliant up-tempo collection of 12 songs in which Madonna remains ensconced in club mode but this time adds an urban hip hop beat in collaboration with musical partners Timbaland, Justin Timberlake, Pharrell Williams of The Neptunes and Nate 'Danja' Hills. The debut single, the pulsating '4 Minutes' will be released at the end of March.
'The title is a juxtaposition of tough and sweetness - kind of like I'm gonna kick your ass but it's going to make you feel good. And of course, I love candy' laughed the material girl.
Madonna, a multi-Grammy-award-winning singer, songwriter, producer, cultural icon, world renowned stage performer, video visionary, children's book author, director and documentary film maker has sold 200 million albums in the course of her unprecedented two decade plus career and is slated to be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame on March 10th.


Monday, March 3, 2008

When? How? Why? Who?

When did I loose my faith in having a worthy path, a purpose that would see me uncover my destiny?
When did I forgot that I was someone who was worthy of seeing my dreams come true?
When did I feel so scorned that I forgot that I was seeking a real love that would always happily be strong for me, as strong as I am for her?
How did I get so far away from knowing what was good for me, that I came close to suffocating my own soul?
How did I become so weak that I was no longer a positive role-model for my un-born child, or even those around me who believe in me?
Why am I not smart enough to know that you are not the one?
Why can’t I just appreciate the beauty of life, without fearing never seeing you again?
Why does it hurt so badly when I know that there is so much I am grateful for?
Who’s gonna rescue me from myself?
Who am I?

Sunday, March 2, 2008

White People Are Hazerdous Because...

5) They eat lots of macaroni and cheese and when it comes out of them in fart form, it smells like dead babies.

4) They have no sense of style and they try to hide it by wearing ethnic, trendy items. Don't wear headwraps, Jamaican colours or a sari. You ain't got no's written all over your boring skin.

3) Their babies are see-through. They look like tadpoles. Notice how white parents always over-compensate their love for their white babies?
Patty: "Isn't she a doll!"
Henry: "We are the luckiest parents alive! She looks like a beautiful angel!"
That is because they have no soul and are afraid that they will kill them at nighttime. Angel of death, yes.

2) They steal everyone’s land. Colonization ring a bell? Perhaps slavery? We wade in the water and picked cotton because we are obviously far more capable of survival through instinct and adaptation, than their funny redneck skin. Burn mutha, burn!

1) They always spill their drinks on the dancefloor and scream really loud. This is clearly to cover up the fact that they can't dance, for they have no innate rhythm. If you’re going to spill your drink, spill it into my mouth, you stupid-ass!
Patty: "Look Martha! I am really busting a move!"
Martha: "Yes you are Patty! I would say you are even shaking it like a salt shaker! Oh my!"

Saturday, March 1, 2008

Fall On Your Knees

I have been told I am an idealist. At times I see this as true. Don’t be misled into believing that I do not struggle with the strangulation of pain, depression, desperation and the endless demands and hustles of this so-called “game”. I have been forced to loose so many things that I value, without ever having someone comfort my miserable disdain. But I fight hard to remember, even when I am face down in the gutter, of another’s amplified and omnipresent pain.

I do not wish to leave this world alone, with nothing but my own anger and pointed blame. Though each day I feel lonely, though I have not slept in solitaire tranquility in months. Though I have been afraid to let love be free and find its way without being in my captivity. I know my fears are not helpless, they are capable of control. I must remain as strong as the body that carries my soul, exercise to keep it feeling alive and bold. I do not wish to revel in happy memories past, only to have them converted into a liquefied serum of disconnection at last.

Open your eyes and see the condition of misery that is beseeched onto those who are not rich in purse, but rich in soul. On the colourful news, in the black and white paper, that is what I see everyday. I am constantly reminded of how little we really care. Flies hovering around corpses of dead babies, humans that have nothing left but bone on their skin. Yet they still manage to survive with an endurance, without receiving little of anything.

We should all be ashamed of what we claim to be. We are far from being the greatest of societies. Progress is stagnant if you do not save others before yourselves. It is not about being a noble martyr. It is about unconditional care for those who have been handed into a responsibility of our care. I am not talking about lovers or even friends. I am talking about those who do not have the ability to escape the regulated neglect of our capitalist world. Those who have no food to eat, those who have no clean water to drink. Those who have been raped and tortured by the hands of a savage militia, those who have been beaten for their system of beliefs. Truth should always comes before dare, anywhere.

Shove a needle in your arm, smoke a joint to numb the pain. Desensitize yourself from flying emotions, or their possilble worth. For without them life would appear to be such an insatiable flame and you would have nothing but a private pain. I stand to observe and understand the power of kindness alone, for I have seen from my own path alone, that there is an opportunity to turn into still marble or stone. Our ability to create marvelous structure, and then feel no shame, when it is ripped into pieces and left in the rain. Those who are able to see that there is so much more suffering in life than what is inflicted on you and me.

Those who inspire me in life are the philosophers of humanity, the writers of humanism, the artists of the human condition, human musicians. They inspire me because of their fascination with understanding our mortality, morality, our toleration of love and pain. History will repeat itself until we are no more. Now is the only time we can change this future, or we will not endure.