Wednesday, January 17, 2018

Face to Face with Self-Care

The balance of health is so delicate. Life leaves very little space for recovery, the hustle is perhaps the most unnatural way to lead life. Traumas embed themselves like DNA in our minds and bodies and they're difficult to expel, as they come back and repel.

I wish I knew the formula, but me, just like so many out there face the reality of mental health as being a very real source of attention and caution. So why is it that so many of us feel the way we do? I tell myself when I am in extreme anxiety, it is simply a way of feeling, a feeling, being overtaken. But therein the problem is: being overtaken.

Over the past 5 years I have had to make serious commitment to my wellness, and trying to keep even keel with remaining motivated in my life, careers and as an artist; trying to balance with taking the time to just rest, be, breathe and process. Some days I am convinced that there is nothing natural at all about how we lead our outward lives. The concept of 9-5, capitalism, injustice, privilege and oppression, sexism, racism, homophobia, greed, that people starve and do not have clean water to drink, or a place to call home. That we just can't get along. Things are simply so out of whack.

I have learned to know myself very intimately and believe me, some days I drive myself nuts being the emo crabby beautiful spirit that I am. Trust me, I wonder if I was more an asshole and derived greater pleasure from selfish-foolishness, I may be more stable, less prone to anxiety and  even bouts of depression (usually as a result of a toxic potion of anxiety, insomnia, worry and processing some sort of bullshit).

The stakes are to stacked in many of our odds simply because of experiences, so how do we conjure empathy for others with experiences we don't relate to, live or care to acknowledge? When our own wings are broken, how do we learn to soar above the pain of inflictions? How do we both remember and forget?

I have taught my heart to sing many times, even when she fills with hesitation. I will never let fear get the best of me. I knew I could not stay that way, I won't let myself slip away.