Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Prime Voice of Whitney Houston

This song. What can be said. Whitney at her best, so vocally strong. Timeless tunes. Her image is 80's iconographic of pop confronting racial cultural representation, which was rarely seen in 80's pop. There were not a lot of "great" non-white pop stars that made it popular in image. Whitney was of the shift of the trend that would define one current popular music trend: R&B with pop.
Who didn't wanna dance with an invisible shoes in this video? I sure as hell wanted to go to this concert. I just remember being taken by this beautiful black woman with a voice. I could listen to all Whitney's early albums from front to end and be drawn into the emotions. Her prowess as a voice remains at battle with the best of the best, perhaps our generations Aretha.

I admit to this day, Whitney's voice is still able to emotionally deliver for me. She is a ballad master and the actual physical power of her voice allows her to remain a true diva (before crack got wack).

Sexy love making music. Her smooth R & B was a shift in image that was more sensible of representing African American influence in American culture. Obviously black culture seems to heavily influence numerous genres of music, which again and again made popular, from R&B, Hip Hop to Rock n Roll.

This is as good as it gets folks.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Rome Wasn't Built in 100 Days

Push me, through the door. Tell me to be someone and then encourage me to do it. Make me big. Instead of judging my weight, why don't you look at yourself in the mirror. Distorted images all over - inside and out. Do you see what I see?

See the world through my eyes. There would be a frame around each picture. Glasses being peered through with a set of eyes. The frames resting on nose. Push me to be both hard and soft on myself, but don't hide me from the world. Reject boxes.

I am nothing really special, but I am here so as I am, I thought I would try to express myself. Give me the voice to speak truth. Remind me of the truth. When I forget, don't forget to forgive me, as I am only human.

Today I realized that I am special. I remembered that you taught me never to forget how special I am. Push me to keep pushing.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

It's funny how some things just don't change. Time can pass, tempers can flare, moments can come and then go. The fact of life remains that memories that carry forward are saturated in fondness. When care becomes an emblem of remembering the past and valuing how it carries worth in future and present - it is realized that blessings come in array of transformations.

People come, people go, never stop valuing the time spent, even if it was long ago.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Happy Diwali!

To all my yoga lovers, Hindu homies and brown appreciators....light it up!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Portrait of Parul Pandya by Caitlin McGrath

My wife painted this beautiful portrait of me; I am quite speachless! Blue and red are my favourite colours, and red wine is my favourite water!!!

Cait is a very talented artist, so please check out her work here.

Monday, August 22, 2011

RIP, Gentle Jack Layton

What does it mean to be a facilitator of change? Does it require that you change the lives of many through your good deeds, or just one, or some? Should it mean that the impact you make should be immediately measurable in value, or does it mean that you plant a seed to watch progression happen slowly, like a baby horse taking a first step, who will one day run as free as a freeze. Change is an acknowledgment that growth is a human endeavour, and that with an effort of unity, many can be impacted through the positivity of this evolution.

Today a good man lost a battle to cancer, charismatic, kind and sensible NDP leader Jack Layton – a man that has made an unforgettable impact to Canadian contemporary politics, a man who made us acknowledge just how much we really can help eachother change for the better. I send my condolences to his family and friends, and I thank him for making us believe that some politicians still do harbour a conscience to serve the needs of the people. Missed and never forgotten, with a smile that seemed to strike the match of hope in many of those in younger generations. Though the battle with cancer came to a grim end, the contribution Mr. Layton has made to Canada is forever light. Thank you - the last election showed just how much Canadians were beginning to envision the values he installed into our world through his years of contribution.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Toronto Public Libraries Under Threat - Rob Ford is a DOUCHE

I urge you all to sign this petition immediately.Toronto's Public Libraries are under threat and we, the people, need to take action!

Doug Ford, the brother of Mayor Rob Ford said on July 14, 2011 - "I have more libraires in my area than I have Tim Hortons." Lets's keep it that way or we will be fat, lazy fucks like the Ford brothers.

This was my note on the petition:

Dear Mr. Ford,

It saddens me that you are demoting the importance of public space as a community outlet of learning, gathering and education. Libraries pay a critical role in communicating diversity, teaching history and providing imagination for adults and youth alike.

I think that your priorities are jaded. For example, for those youth who cannot afford to go out and spend money, a library is a PUBLIC place of escape and perhaps a sanctuary away from the problems of everyday.

I urge you to rethink the value of words. I am a writer and this is not only personally offensive to me, but it is an insult to society and Toronto culture. We, the people appreciate learning and value to pass this down for generations to come. It should not be in the hands of corporations or be threatened by privatization.


Parul Pandya

Rob Ford replied:
Thank you very much for your email regarding libraries in the City of Toronto. I appreciate your thoughts and value the input from our residents.

Yours truly,

Mayor Rob Ford
City of Toronto

Monday, July 18, 2011


Friendship is a chance, and at times a risk. When we open ourselves up to knowing someone, one of the hardest challenges regardless of age, is having that someone leave. The end of a relationship of this kind could be for multiple reasons, whether you grow apart, or someone gets disappointed, one thing remains: people will come and people will go.

Over the years I have seen a few friendships naturally grow apart - those who were once close to me are no longer part of my everyday life. Of course I remain civil if we are in a mutual public space, and I would never wish ill to those I have known, even if they have disappointed me.

Now 30, I realize that I have gained coping skills I once lacked, I have better learned to accept that while someone may enter my life, there is no contract that binds them to remain at the status of friend until the end of time. I'd like to think that those I have grown apart from will still look at me with some find memories. Whether they perceive me as a "has-been" or chose to think of me from time-to-time, is really a choice.

This I know of myself though: I never forgot those who have touched me, no matter how misrepresented I may seem in their eyes, or how little they may regard me in the present.

I think friendship is a testament to adaptation over the course of a lifetime, and even thought we meet great people through the years, only a very small  few of these individuals will remain true companions through it all.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Seeking Strength

I have always been aware that love is equal to pain, one is not necessarily greater than the other. That is not to say that I don't believe that love has brought me much more comfort then pain. While neither love or pain is a stranger in my life, I am shyly realizing that I am unable to withdraw myself without much anxiety, at the possibility to not protect and keep safe the ones I love.

Protecting and caring for those I love the most is a most crucial and worthwhile of importance to me in my life. I could say that mothering is a very natural instinct to my Cancer nature, and the inability to guarantee sustaining safety for my children frightens me. I can imagine this is a natural occurrence of emotion in many parents.

The last weeks have been tough for me. For those who have previously read my blog, my one-year old cat Kali has been exhibiting shaking back legs that are weak. She has always shown some shaking in her legs. I have been to two different vets seeking hope to find out what is wrong (the first experience which was one of my most traumatic life experiences, and I wrote about on the blog on June 2nd). No one has been able to give me an answer, so now I have a appointment with a neurologist to examine Kali. I am trying to remain hopeful.

What can I say - I have been a straight out mess. Crying, afraid and not very much like a woman who believes that strength is a way to influence the present situation. For the first time in my life I am afraid to loose something that mean so much to me, and I am not sure how to be strong. Regular pep talks from my partner, my sister and my Mom keep me rebounding, but I still fear loss.

So I guess I ask this - why am I so afraid and how do I make myself stronger in this situation? A conversation I keep feeling in waves mentally and physically, over and over.

I guess for once I wish that I had a way to be offered a wisdom that would help me to grow in this situation. I guess I never thought that I could love another creature so much. For all the innate wisdom that I know I have, I suppose I also have so much to learn.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

The Fight Against Bad Toronto Vets!

I have been having a few crappy days. Mainly because of a vet visit I had a few short days ago. My baby Kali, (seen doing a mean meercat in the picture) was taken in for her 1 year exam, and to ask about her shaky legs. Kali has really long hindlegs, and most her life her back legs shake when she is on them upright. For example, when she is standing. Other than that, Kali has not signs of bad health.

Armed with that information but suspecting it was something neurological with Kali, I did my own research and found cat ataxia. Kali looks like a minor case of that maybe, but she shakes so of course to be safe I booked a vet. I booked at Queen West Animal Hospital . This is not the usual vet for my girls, Kali and Neefah, 7, but as my partner and I moved to Trinity Bellwoods and I have found it convenient to be able to walk there.

The experience I had was cold. It was not my first experience at Queen West, which was also cold with Neefah just 2 months ago, for her annual.  I thought to myself, maybe it was just that experience. I was wrong.

So sweet Kali-ma was nervous as a mouse at Queen West. The appointment was 13 minutes late. As I waited in the room I had the preliminary discussion with the tech and mentioned her overall health, shaking legs, healthy lifestyle and that I had done my own reading and seen antaxia, and wondered if that was a consideration. Then the doctor came in. She took little interest in Kali who was shaking more than usual (not helping her own case with her nervousness). She looked at really her legs a little, watched her walk. No eye check (can show discoloration as a symptom of FIP), no check for fluid (associated with a wet form of FIP) and no ear checks (jut cause I am paying!). No checking really at all.

She proceeded to explain my cat might likely have  Feline Infectious Peritonitis (FIP). I was stunned. I cried a few tears after she explained FIP as fatal. My legs shook.

As a result of this news I pulled myself together the best that I could, in shock and shattered and asked the questions I could think of it that state. The exam was complete, we discussed next steps when she gave me a sheet with reading on FIP. We agreed to on having all her bloodwork to look at her initial health. I learned certain reads of bloodwork can show abnormal counts as signs of FIP when I got home later, so as sad as I was, I was doing what I thought was the first step towards diagnosing Kali.

I have been a mess and so has my partner in her own moments. You can imagine the feeling of being a feline parent and hearing that.

I got the results of the in-depth bloodtests I had agreed to yesterday, that is after I had to call Queen West and ask if they were in. They were and no one had called me. All the levels in Kali's blood have come back normal from what I have been told.

Luckily enough I have a kind colleague who has been been involved with working with animals and she spoke to her vet friend out of kindness after hearing my situation. Her vet friend asked if an FIP blood test had been done, which can act as a pretty accurate tool to sweep for signs of FIP initially. The consulted vet also indicated that shaking legs could be a number of different things, not only FIP.

I called Queen West to ask about the FIP bloodtest, was put on hold then told NO it had not been done. According to the doctor there the FIP test is too vague and often inconclusive. At this point I became full of anger.

If your vet says your cat has sign of FIP have a look here. Cats are often misdiagnosed with FIP. Why would the vet not of run an FIP test if she thought it was FIP?

What a waste of my money and good health, what panic was caused. No person who is in charge of health should not do a detailed analysis before giving a fatal diagnosis.

I am now taking my cats back to where they belong, and where Kali got her 2nd and 3rd kitten shoots, The Danforth Vet Clinic. Kali loves the vet and the techs are warm and very helpful and kind, they even heard me babble on about my terrible experience on the phone. If you are looking for a vet in Toronto, I highly reccomend Danforth.

So at least now I am hopeful. Kali also peed herself on the case on the way home. Poor baby, no wonder she shook more!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Friday, May 20, 2011

Sun in Toronto!

The last few days I have craved nothing more than sun. Sun is the maker of active life. Enjoy the sun because it shines bright today!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Change of Fools

I think that people should experience challenge in their life. Being complacent to the the demands of the every day is a draining process, and not necessarily the best when you don't have the opportunity to be respected, heard or contribute to a greater cause. We all need change, you need change, I need change. Focus not only on being the change, but helping the change too.

Though it is hard to believe at times, there is still goodness in the world, people that care and care about caring for others. We often praise the one who owns the most possessions, or that makes the most money - but these indicators do not equate true happiness. Happiness comes when you are given the chance to grow smarter no matter what age you are, to feel more love the deeper you go, to see that we can all bind together in hand to unite ideas to what is meant for sharing. Food, water, knowledge, art, shelter, differences, kindness, growth and spirit.

Shitty things happen to good people, nobody is immune to gloom. However having the opportunity to contribute towards a difference, whether this means volunteering your time for a cause you believe in or performing the vision of that change to an audience. Life is what is made with time here on earth.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow

I see the light before me and it is the light that stands beside me. My equal, my friend. My lover who makes my limbs burn with comforting sin. My darling. Now I have something to call my own. Each sunrise and each moonfall she makes my heart beat in a now-now time zone. Now is the time for me to tell her how much I love her, yesterday, today and tomorrow.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Cherry Bomb LIVE!

Click here for my latest in Queeries - featuring the new project of two of my favourite Cherry poppers, DJs Denise Benson and Cozmic Cat!

Don't forget to check out the first Cherry Bomb LIVE:

Friday, April 1, 2011

Queeries - A New Magazine for Queer Women

Here is my debut piece in Queeries - a tribute to the late queer icon, Will Munro. Please support this magazine, it is about time us ladies got our own space!

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Om Shanti

It would all become meaningless if everything was yours. The clothes you wear, the food you eat, the love you keep. Sometimes you have to starve to appreciate the taste of life, loose someone you want so much because you knew it was the right thing to let them fulfill individual destiny. Sure it hurts to cry, but sometimes the pain is worth a try to remind you that resilience is an endeavor of the human spirit. Peace only comes in silence, whether in the markings of a smile or the tracing of a lovers lips. This is it - your chance to live life alive.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Land of **** (a fable)

I am going to see this, and I recommend you do too!

A fable of love, lust and heartbreak in the modern age.

Using the social perceptions of a simple word – fuck – and its transformation throughout recent history from a highly censored word to its present expressive acceptance, this conceptual dance work aspires to define a period in evolution that is of the immediate – the here and now – through a theatrical and exploratory landscape.

"To ‘fuck’ is humanity at its best and at most base, at its highest form of intimacy and lowest. It is a word and an action that divides the generations, divides the sexes, divides the moral compass. At the same time, of course, it creates."
- D.A. Hoskins
March 23-27 at Workman Arts Theatre, 651 Dufferin Street Toronto.
Wed-Sat 8pm, Sat & Sun 2pm.
Tickets $25 – Student/Senior/CADA $20 – Saturday Matinee PWYC


Tuesday, February 22, 2011

An Ideal Timeless Sitcom: The Golden Girls

I have an unusual obsession with 4 white women: The Golden Girls. What is it that draws me to love these ladies with a hearty laugh? I can see myself in all of them. Rose Nylund, Dorothy Szbornac, Blanche Devereaux and Sophia Petrillo make up the tight click of sassy older ladies who brought laughter, wit, friendship and cheesecake to the 80's.

If you grew-up in the generation of The Golden Girls, whether you liked them or not you knew who they were from their printloud and lounging 80's style. Each unusually square outfit paraded on the tube made us think of  tacky fun at its best!

Watching these ladies  remains an exhilarating and exciting sensation partially because of how rude they are to eachother. I always love Dorothy's witty and dry comments cutting Rose's lack of street smarts. On the other hand it is always thrilling to hear Rose bust out something rude herself. For example by calling Blanche a slut.  My personal all-time hero is Sophia because of her ability to balance poking witty comments at all her younger roomates. She damn funny.

The Golden Girls is one of my favourite shows of all-time because these women make race, gender, class and nationality invisible and rather encouraging smiles to the forefront of living rooms across multi-racial North America, now and then.

I remember watching The Golden Girls with my Ba (Grandma). My Ba spoke very little English and would always look forward to tuning in on the tube to see these funny ladies (Ba also had a fond spot for Sophia like me). The cutest part was while watching Ba would dictate to me what she thought was happening, and I would tell her if her interpretation was correct. She always knew what was going on. I feel Ba understood each woman's characteristics and personalities. The show did well to develop 4 distinctive female characters. Even Ba with little understanding of the language they spoke could tell the intentions and sentiment of each woman from show to show.

The Golden Girls ran from 1985 to 1992 and even today when I catch them on a TV rerun or pop in one of my DVDs - Dorothy, Blanche, Sophia and Rose still manage to captivate me. The writing is so intelligent that though today's viewers may not understand all the pop culture references from the time, they can still appreciate the fundamental messages this show brings around appreciating aging, adjusting after the divorce or the loss of a spouse, survival and embracing the continual lessons life offers. These sisters made us believe we could do it for ourselves.

Which girl did you relate to the most? Leave a comment and let me know!

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Labiaretto Lullaby‏

Resting my head upon her pink breasts, I think of how memorable it feels to have her heartbeat drum in my ear beat by beat. The tension of my excitement mounts as she falls deeper into a slumber and I know that she's not going anywhere until morning awakes. She has spent the day doing one-hundred million things, growing, achieving, learning and simply being, but now she is home. Tired as she may be, she fights to stay awake and spend just a few hidden moments with me. I read and she draws, and before I know it she mutters that sleep calls. A day cycle comes to a completion with her eyes drifting to dream. Goodnight my love, sleep tight.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Magazine Project

Ready for a new exciting place for lesbian women to share their thoughts, get informed and create an online community? The Magazine Project is just the place for you!

Please check out my first article with these ladies and keep on supporting keeping this space alive and well!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Days of Yesterday

Remember me? I was the one who held your hand and encouraged you to grow the wings to fly away from this misery. I remember when you were just a lost child with no direction, reason or sense of time. Just by looking into your eyes I could see the hope you possessed to get past all the impediments that kept you captive in this complacency. Not having a good father, not having enough money to stop struggling and wondering how to get to all the places in the world that inspired you to reach higher to learn more. I knew from the moment that I saw you, you were someone special. Now I see you and I wonder if the spark is still inside, have you faded and become a dimmed light? Then I remember the un-savaged mind that found beauty in everything, even in the darkest times - how by helping you, in turn you helped me to be a better teacher, friend and woman. You taught me what love is in it's greatest form: kindness and modest pride - to feel good inside. To strive to seek the adventure of my own dreams, much like you continue to seek yours. I have found my strength because of you.

Thursday, January 6, 2011