The Art of Eating Coochie....

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Review: "The Spinsters Almanac"

Firstly, I must admit that I am not an individual that has been highly exposed to the genre of Contemporary Dance, but attending this performance was not only a visual pleasure, but also a marvelous journey. I will admit that I easily get bored if I do not enjoy a performance, I just can’t fake it! Though my girlfriend was quick to point out that I remained silent during the entire performance, a rarity for ThunderpussGeisha!

This is the first full-length production of innovative and homegrown visionary, Susie Burpee (running time: 1hr 15 mins). What can I say kids, besides praising the integrity, honesty and humanity that Burpee captured in her Spinster. I willingly submitted myself to the Spinster, immediately following her powerful and alluring entrance; it demanded my attention.

A simple set, consisting of a small rise that housed a window that was draped in yellow curtains, and an empty coup, where chicks had once lives, but now only a few ruminants of feathers lay scattered. Center stage, is an open space with only a piano. Nothing fancy, just a piano. And to stage-left, a small rise that holds a wired wall of feathers and a telephone that hangs in a way that may reflect misplacement, an inability to connect with the outside. Often the phone rings and the Spinster is unable to reach it in time to answer. The wired wall is explained to be a pillar to protect her chicks from being attacked from the outside. The environment is intelligently created to be a reflection of the Spinster herself.

For me the performance was melancholic. I both sympathized and empathized with this character that Burpee created. The Spinster is a woman who has become unattached to any sense of worldly reality. She simply exists to redundantly play out her ritualistic days, and her loneliness is overwhelming, her alienation haunting. Through a few simple narrations by the talent, Burpee, and a most-effective original song cycle by Christine Fellowes, we learn, she has the same desires and passions as you and I.

The music vocals were sweet, depicting a world suspended in the colourful and floweful, whether fantasy/dream, or just painted reality. The assortment of noises were throbbingly captivating, and Burpee's body was a mirror of its effect and reaction. Essentially, the bleakness of her ritualistic behaviour is merely a result of the external forces, that have penetrated her life most personally. Cruelty, abandonment and isolation, she is a victim of life.

I was a mess kids. I was so touched by this performance. I was engrossed by Burpee’s presence, but it was the Spinster that I developed a relationship with.

Burpee’s movements remained swift and committed, and I could not help but admire her force as a performer. In fact, even her few spoken lines were communicated to us with a quirky sense of humour. It was gratifying to see Burpee maintain her character, as her mannerisms were manipuled into the molding of this character. This achievement is complimented by the tone and conviction in her spoken lines. The Spinter was talking to me.

Burpee's success to connect to her viewer through dialogue was especially refreshing. From my experience with the dance productions that I have previously attended, dancers are often exposed to be better seen and not heard!

The moral of the story for me, that passion is infinite and cruelty is tolerable. Life is diminishing, sad and hopeful all at once. The Spinster leads her life in such a way that she is fulfilled with emotional and physical energy, but her past still leaves her body to be a reflection of the damages she has sustained over time. It is a constant battle to remember to submit ourselves to the pleasures of life. We all wear the scars of our past. No matter where we go, whatever we do, however we feel, we must not forget where we came from, or what we have been through.

Praises to Burpee. I look forward to your next vision.

(thanks to Karmacake for the great pic of moi!) http://www.karmacake.blogspot.com

Farewell, My Amor a la Mexicana! PREGGIE & TO BE WED!!

When I close my eyes, I have fantasized about having her as my wifie a thousand times over. Tantalizing curves, voluptuous breasts, an accent that makes you melt and get a little wet in-between your thighs. A sexuality that puts you at a stand still—ThunderpussGeisha is left speechless.

Of course, this oh so dykie intro is for my Mexican Goddess, Miss. Salma Hayek! I have always been drawn to Salma for two powerful reasons; her raw sexuality and sheer intelligence. The woman is not only a Hollywood powerhouse on-screen, being the wind behind such fantastic projects as “Frida” (which she brought to life with her then boyfriend, Ed Norton), but, also behind the scenes, as the Exectutive Producer of my favourite new T.V. show, “Ugly Betty.” I love me some Betty Suares!!

Salma is not only an Oscar-nominated actor, but also a international star! Great job Salma and America Ferrera for coming together, in all your ethnic goodness! America, you are Salma's muse--lucky bitch!

If you have read my post, “Ode to Angie,” you are familiar with my psyche and what I find desirable attraction to women. Brains and body baby! I’ll have a Salma with a side of Angelina and a Madonna on top!

YOU WISH!

So you ask, when did my affair with Salma begin? Let me tell you. I had always had a big crush on her, but after I saw “Frida,” it escalated into a level on un-earthly comprehension. As many that know me, Frida Kahlo is one of the women that most inspires me in life. So the idea of Salma taking on this role made me into a very happy guuurl! If you haven’t seen the movie, please do. It is really worth your time—it brings not only Frida Kahlo and Diego Rivera to life, but Mexico during the Revolution.

Next, I saw Salma on “The Actor’s Studio,” for a candid and enlightening interview. Listening to this woman talk about Mexico, culture, sexuality, life, passion, food, clothing, art and love….MY GOD! She has a rare articulance and the words that she utlizes to express herself---you know this is a learned woman!

So now the news has come, SALMA IS TO BE WED & PREGNANT! Here’s the 411 kiddies:

The actress is engaged to businessman boyfriend François-Henri Pinault. The sassy pair have kept a relatively low profile since their relationship began – though Hayek, 40, has joined Pinault for occasional public events. The snap shot to the side, was taken in April at the inauguration of the Pinault Foundation's Modern Art collection in Venice's Gritti Palace.

[“Venice, Mother, Goodess!” – Veronica Franco

Stay tuned for my articles on with VIP women is history.]

Pinault, who is 44, is the CEO of luxury goods firm PPR. PPR has ownership of such fab labels as Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent. His father, François, is an avid art collector owning more than 2,500 valuable pieces, including Picassos, Miros, as well as, works by many contemporary artitsts. Familiar on both European and American fashion and art circuits, the family fortune is estimated in excess of $7 billion. Cha-ching Miss Hayek, cha-frinkin-ching!

Well at least that the art will be gazed upon by the embodiment of divine beauty! Again, how the ugly man gets the goddess, I will never know??!! It could be because the size of his wallet, but I think Salma is far too good a human being for that. Either way, look out for these two, they look like they could defiantly become a Hollywood power-couple!

CONGRTAS SALMA! And Mr. Pinault, you better love that fine woman down!

ThunderpussGeisha...DRUNK SURVEY Response!

1.If I was drunk the least likely job I'd be able to perform would be?
Playing heterosexual. Please folks, when this dyke is CRUNK, there is no turning back. I lick my lips like LL Cool J and objectify women into purely instinctual gain! I smell pussy!

.2. If I was drunk the job I'd most likely have no problem performing would be?
A motavational speaker! Stop the insanity. I think that my blunt nature would be exemplified by 100 million dollars. If you had no chance, I would just tell you straight out! Please note: I would definatly be less sympathetic to white people that has issues--hello, slavery ring a bell?? Now that's issues!

3. If I was drunk the song I'd have the least shame about singing outside of a paramours bedroom window would be?
"I Touch Myself." I need not think you need any further explanation. Though I feel I should wear satin and slide my hands all over my body.

4. If I was drunk the most brazen question I'd ask on a first date would be?
"My asshole wants to go for a tongue wash--So tonight, would you consider giving it, The Works?"--spawklin diamonds!


5. If I was drunk the piece of clothing I'd have the least amount of shame parading around in public would be?
A cod piece. As those who know me well, wearing a cod piece is quite a virile fantasy of mine. I will add a fierce septor to complete the ensemble. Think gold bling...

6. If I was drunk at the governors ball immediately following the Academy Awards the person I'd feel best about throwing up on would be?
The circle of annoying, over exposed directors; beginning with Eastwood, moving on to Spielberg, to Lucas--I will spare Scorcese, as I like his glasses. Think projectile vomit alll over their suits and me laughing like a mad hadder and saying, "so can I play someone is one of your films (belch), oh yeah, THERE IS NO PLACE IN HOLLYWOOD FOR AN EAST INDIAN LIKE ME!" Vomit a little more, exit stage.

7. If I was drunk the car I would most want to vandalize would be?
The PT Cruiser. What a stupid looking car. I just want to vomit and shit all over it. Can I add shit, or is that against the rules! I am a rebel, screw you all!

8. If I was drunk the job I'd lie about having in order to get laid would be?
Madonna's dancer. You may laugh, but she is my future lover. It would sound a little something like this..."oh yeah that was me in the cage durign Issac in the Confessions Tour. Yep, all that opression with women in the Middle East, I was just trying to show how I was bursting out of my skin, religion and sex and sexuality!"
OR
Madonna's stylist---ya I know. I WISH!

9. If I was drunk the sign I'd most likely ignore would be?
One way. Fuck you! I will go whatever way I want--would you pass me the red wine?

10. If I was drunk the woman I'd feel least ashamed about giving an open handed slap to the face would be?
Britany Spears. I thought she said, hit me baby one more time! HALAL!

11. If I was drunk the friend I'd feel most comfortable about lying about having had sex with would be?
Oh Derrick. I know he wants it all the same. In fact, on vacay with him and our sleepovers, he always tries to land his plane on my runway. So I figure kill two anxities with one stone. Sleep with a friend and and a man! In both cases, I am sure that an Asian is the safest bet. I dont want ot bleed too much. I would make him cuddle me after (that is what Asians do---so pwetty!). Plus, I know that all we both would do is bottom for one-another.

12. If I was drunk the tattoo I'd most likely INSIST on getting would be?
"The Two Fridas." I will randomly yell at people, "look how she suffered! You think you have it bad, try getting a pole through your vagina and having a filthy pig of a husband!"

13. If I was drunk the person I'd ask to stop 'hating' on my dancing would be?
No one would hate on this shit. Have you seen me move? Like butter baby, BUTTER!

14. If I was drunk the most socially awkward thing I could accuse my mother of being would be? A trani. "Ma, I know you are really Pa!"

15. If I was drunk the family restaurant I'd feel the least ashamed about throwing up in would be?
Smittys. I feel with all the grease and obesity in that place, and the stench of all the shits people have taken directly after their meals would mask the sound of my hurling. In this case, battle shits could save me some serious embarrasment.

16. If I was drunk the most ridiculous racial slur I'd use against someone would be?
White bread! We all know that shit ain't good for you though!

17. If I was drunk the most Pius person I'd ask to 'stop judging me' would be?
Myself. I'm talking to the man in the mirror...I'm asking him to change his ways!

18. If I was drunk the storefront I'd feel the least ashamed pissing on would be?
Cotton Ginny and Northern Reflections. I feel it woudl be more like a public service to discourage those poor female fashion victims, from being inticed by the lure of WOLVES ON SHIRTS! ahhhhhhhhhhh

19. If I was drunk the most random thing I'd have a candle light vigil for would be?
Lady Di. I can never say goodbye to my rose! Gone to soon.

20. If I was drunk the deity I'd most want to blame for my problems would be?
the GO-double D. This response is because I dont want to discriminate on who I place the blame on; I want to condemn all religions and faiths! I blame it on the bossman/woman!

Looking For Something Different to do?? How About Attending a Performance of Contemporary Dance?!

Hello Kids!

Here is the details on a modern dance production that is now on:

"The Spinster's Almanac: A Caberet of Solitude"
--featuring an Original Song Cycle by Christine Fellows

This is a DanceWorks CoWorks Series Event (for 30 yrs, one of TO's finest contemporary dance production companies) & A New Dance Creation by Susie Burpee (my GF's dance role model!).

If you are interested in attending, tickets are; 22$ regular, 18$ student/senior/artists/CADA

The performances are March 14-17th @ 8pm & March 17th @ 2:30pm
--Young Centre for the Performing Arts, Distillery District, 55 Mill St

www.youngcentre.ca or 416-866-8666

I will be attending the show tomorrow, so stay tuned for my review!

Peace out!

America's Next Mediocre Model

So after my utter disappointment last week with ANTM, I thought I would stop being so GAY and give it one more week. So here it is kids. I have watched Episode #2, Cycle 8 and all the models are so MEH!

Mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Give me faces, you useless bitches! There just seems to be a general vibe of mediocrity this year.

Russian chick, Natasha, oh LORD. Can someone get her some conditioner and an English teacher? She is soooo irritating!! Natasha, clearly should have been voted off this week, so we don’t have to hear her incoherence anymore! America is not the land of opportunities, GO HOME!

My forerunners stands as follows: Jael (Of course I am going to have a dyke-crush on Jael (throw me in Jael!)). , Brittany (very classic face), Jaslene (who borders on fierce latina and hoodrat!), and Whitney (BOBBY!).
But again, I am just not feeling the energy off these ladies, say like a Cari-Dee or a Niema—they seem just so regular and un-original. Where is the FIERCE??!!
But the toughest realization I have come to is this. I think that I am over Tyra and her foreheads antics. JUDGE THIS! Oh child, she is looking more and more like a drag queen as the years go by! Lord, tell me what’s up with all her Miss Cleo outfits (call me now!)?

Boring……But I am so gay and such a fashion whore, I just can’t stop watching! But let me break the illusions now of anybody that has a larger body. Though Tyra preaches healthier looking models, she still has some magga biaches on there that need to eat some FOOOOOD! So those who may believe that this is the year of the big girl, that is about as feasible as Tyra’s weave being the right shade. BLASTED!

YOU WISH!

Ok, I am done…

Love, J'Tyra

p.s. I will still be watching next week, I think it may be makeovers soon! It is like batttling the forces of good and evil within myself. Models bring out the ugly in me.

Just a Quickie...

I just wanted to share with the world, that if I hear "Promiscuous Girl," by Nelly Furtado one more time at a club, I will slap down the closest hoe to me. WHY?? This over-exposure of Timberland is starting to get to me, like the rain did to Missy.

I love Timbo, but come on--the Pussycat Dolls collaboration? Why the hell does someone with legitimate talent want to work with those useless barbie dolls? DON'T CHA! We are all well aware, that they are uselss singers. Why is Nicole the only one that sing?? SHE IS THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS!

I must say, being a pop whore and all, I think that pop music is at its worst; in the present day.
It seems that music has dimissed into a form that imitates the oldies and goodies, in a very un-intelligent and un-inspiring manner. I am aware that pop, for example, is based on melding and borrowing from various genres and sounds. (Hence, so often , pop is critisized for un-originalty.) But I still appreciate good pop...yes I said GOOD POP! Sadly, it seems that 80% of pop-female artist, in the past year, have come out with albums that sound just like Gwen Stefani! Yes Fergie, I am talking about you! YOU WISH!

God help us all. What happened to the pop icons that I love so dearly? I feel broken....broken.

TG

Did Jesus Walk His Way to the Valley of the Shadow of Death?

Unless you have been living under a holy rock, you must have heard about the latest JC scandal! I got to say, for a man that has been dead for one-hundred-million years, he can sure still cause quite the media hype!

Picture it, Jerusalem, 2007. There is a documentary being made by James Cameron. Oscar winner and Canadian! I’m the Drag King of the World! “The Lost Tomb of Jesus,” to air on the Discovery Channel on March 4th, is a documentary that claims to have found the two ancient stone boxes, which once held the remains on Jesus Christ Superstarr and Mary Bad-Gyal Magdalene.

At this time I caution you to have a brain and think whether the individual that brought you, “Titanic,” should have be given the right to produce anything that deals with a religious subject matter. I mean, what is next? George Lucas producing, “Attack of the Curry Clones, India’s Holy Temples?”

According to the documentary, in 1980, in a suburb of Jerusalem, 10 tombs were found that could possibly hold the family of Jesus, including Jesus himself and his faithful consort, Mary Magdalene (M & M). The filmmakers and the researchers that were involved in the making of the film are quite excited by this claim, however many academic and Christian scholars are skeptical. Ok, we all know Christian’s and academics are skeptical by nature, it is their job—refute, refute! But let us just think about this for a moment.

The very fact that Jesus had an ossuary would contradict the Christian belief that he was resurrected and ascended to heaven. Most Christians believe Jesus' body spent three days at the site of the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem's Old City. The burial site identified in Cameron's documentary is in a southern Jerusalem neighborhood nowhere near the church.


Oh my, we are on the verge on yet another Holy War about a dude that has been dead forever! HALAL! Has history not taught us anything, kids?

So according to the film, there is a inscription on one of the tombs that reads, “Judah, son of Jesus.” So not only did JC walk and die a mortal death, but he shagged as well!!?? What would mama say about that? It seems that Madonna Ciccone is the one only one that can have the word “immaculate” attached to her!

YOU WISH!

Toronto filmmaker, Simcha Jacobovici, who directed this film, believes that a name on one of the ossuaries -- "Mariamene" -- offers evidence that the tomb is that of Jesus and his family. In early Christian texts, "Mariamene" is the name of Mary Magdalene.

Whether skeptical or convulsing at the idea that you, a devout believer, may actually look upon the tomb where JC and M& M once laid, one fact remains. Jesus can make mad dolla dolla bills for just about anybody who wants to document or produce his story. I mean after being tortured by, “The Passion of the Christ,” by alchie and racist director, Mel Gibson, it is necessary for us to commodify religion any further? For GOD’S SAKE, they had a line of “Passion of the Christ” jewelry! Where is Martin Luther at, with his 95 Theses?

Either way, the Christian Church and the Pope have their holy knickers in a twisted exorcism, about this matter. But as well all can see, unlike JP II, this Pope is clearly a carnation of the anti-Christ, and this should cause us to be weary of a cover up conspiracy! A type of behavioral pattern that is not habitual from the Christiandom. As a beat of sweat drips down my forehead, ThunderpussGeisha strongly recommends a healthy paranoia, when it comes to institutionalized religion.

Who’s there? Who’s watching me? Stop it! Ok I think I am feeling JUDGED!

Does it really matter if this was where JC once rested his handsome head? Or where M & M did one last hot lap dance? NO! Faith is a personal journey of self-realization. Ultimately, it is hope. Hope that something exists beyond the realm of our own selfish and destructive nature.

But this is what is troublesome with religion when it gets narrowed into being taught and preached between four stall walls.Wake up people! You can not take religious texts and teaching literally.

So if Jesus really did once lay in that tomb, does that take away the power of faith and salvation he inspires in so many? NOOOOOOO! It takes away from mysticism that is created around the possible mythology of his ascent into the heavens.

So now I leave you on this note-- is to difficult for us to believe that an ordinary woman or man could endure what JC did, and be thought of as the Child of GODD(ess)?

I think, therefore I am.