Ok, let me get this out first…Shoooooooooooooooooooot! What can I say about the 2007 Oscar broadcast? I cannot deny that as usual, the show was way too long and boring. I think that instead of playing music to cut people off, they should just have snipers. Every time you go over 10 seconds, you get shoot at. The snipers start with your kneecaps and work their way up. By the end you will look not so “Hollywood.” Come on people, you know you feel me on this.
But, after taking a puff or two, having some yummy make-out sessions on the couch to break my boredom, I did realize something: This year was the YEAR OF THE DYKE!
Firstly, Ellen Degeneres was so much fun. I like E-Deg, always have. But again I ask, who didn’t know she was a dyke from her early hair-do’s (or in this case, hair-don’ts). YOU WISH!
E-Deg did a great job hosting and I did enjoy her glam-dyke outfits. On the other hand, Melissa Etheridge….YIKES! Now that was pure scary. SCARY! No woman, especially a lesbian, needs to wear a silk shirt (thanks for the inspiration on this one, my lady). She literally looked like a scary Hilary Clinton, on CRACK. I mean, I appreciate her for the songs she has done in the past and her thick skin, which has allowed her to get through some scrutinizing times. But come on! Do we need another white woman angst song?? DO WE? It sounded like every other song that I know of hers. UGH.
Now, we move on to the DL Dykes. By no means am I trying to say that they are good at being on the DL, but too the world they are on the DL. Par example, Queen Latifah, AKA: The RACIST! (Please ask if you would like an explanation). I mean the only thing this Cover Girl is covering is her sexuality. Who are you fooling, honey? You look like a line backer and you probably have pussy breath.
Next, Jodi Foster, like ummm yeah dude. However, unlike Queen Latifah, I think that Jodi Foster is motivated more by the fear of the lack of privacy, not the fact that she is ashamed to be gay. In fact, one reliable sorcerer I know told me that Jodi has been in a relationship with a woman for a few years now. But lord, does that woman look awkward in a dress, and has no clue how to walk in heels!
But now I will come into my favourite part of the evening, The Dreamgirls! Though the movie was not great, they captured my heart! J-Hud, OH MAMA! The woman was born to be a star. So much so, that she even outshines Ms. Beyonce Knowles. I was literally jumping on the couch when they were battling, like a Baptist lady that is exercising demons from her body in church. In the name of our Lord and Savior, JESUS! The three ladies put Celine’s performance to shame (though she and her thir-teen brothers and sisters come from-ah petit town in de Quebec…and she is la premiere chanteuse danse la monde!) But seriously, Celine needs to lay off the fake tan bottle and fire her hair stylist. I will admit, Celine is a guilty pleasure of mine, but she made far too many drag queens happy yesterday with her mash-up eye brows and overly contoured jawline. MON DIEU!
I am digressing, focus. Ok, back to the sassy trio. Really, the Dreamgirls just affirmed my fantasy to come back as a sassy black lady in my next karma-cycle. Nothing is more exciting to me than three big voices battling. Intense. J-Hud was clearly not the best acting performance this year, but she deserved the win as an example that--dreams can come true. She literally is a dreamgirl. In fact, her singing led me to have my third stigmata in this lifetime. I think the best performance in this category was given by Cate Blanchette in “Notes on a Scandal,” a complete must-see, heart-tugger. Cate is my favourite dramatic actress today. She is absolutely captivating and nails it each and everytime.
Firstly, Ellen Degeneres was so much fun. I like E-Deg, always have. But again I ask, who didn’t know she was a dyke from her early hair-do’s (or in this case, hair-don’ts). YOU WISH!
E-Deg did a great job hosting and I did enjoy her glam-dyke outfits. On the other hand, Melissa Etheridge….YIKES! Now that was pure scary. SCARY! No woman, especially a lesbian, needs to wear a silk shirt (thanks for the inspiration on this one, my lady). She literally looked like a scary Hilary Clinton, on CRACK. I mean, I appreciate her for the songs she has done in the past and her thick skin, which has allowed her to get through some scrutinizing times. But come on! Do we need another white woman angst song?? DO WE? It sounded like every other song that I know of hers. UGH.Now, we move on to the DL Dykes. By no means am I trying to say that they are good at being on the DL, but too the world they are on the DL. Par example, Queen Latifah, AKA: The RACIST! (Please ask if you would like an explanation). I mean the only thing this Cover Girl is covering is her sexuality. Who are you fooling, honey? You look like a line backer and you probably have pussy breath.
Next, Jodi Foster, like ummm yeah dude. However, unlike Queen Latifah, I think that Jodi Foster is motivated more by the fear of the lack of privacy, not the fact that she is ashamed to be gay. In fact, one reliable sorcerer I know told me that Jodi has been in a relationship with a woman for a few years now. But lord, does that woman look awkward in a dress, and has no clue how to walk in heels!
But now I will come into my favourite part of the evening, The Dreamgirls! Though the movie was not great, they captured my heart! J-Hud, OH MAMA! The woman was born to be a star. So much so, that she even outshines Ms. Beyonce Knowles. I was literally jumping on the couch when they were battling, like a Baptist lady that is exercising demons from her body in church. In the name of our Lord and Savior, JESUS! The three ladies put Celine’s performance to shame (though she and her thir-teen brothers and sisters come from-ah petit town in de Quebec…and she is la premiere chanteuse danse la monde!) But seriously, Celine needs to lay off the fake tan bottle and fire her hair stylist. I will admit, Celine is a guilty pleasure of mine, but she made far too many drag queens happy yesterday with her mash-up eye brows and overly contoured jawline. MON DIEU!I am digressing, focus. Ok, back to the sassy trio. Really, the Dreamgirls just affirmed my fantasy to come back as a sassy black lady in my next karma-cycle. Nothing is more exciting to me than three big voices battling. Intense. J-Hud was clearly not the best acting performance this year, but she deserved the win as an example that--dreams can come true. She literally is a dreamgirl. In fact, her singing led me to have my third stigmata in this lifetime. I think the best performance in this category was given by Cate Blanchette in “Notes on a Scandal,” a complete must-see, heart-tugger. Cate is my favourite dramatic actress today. She is absolutely captivating and nails it each and everytime.
But is was nice to see an underdog come through, and you could literally see the shock in J-Hud’s face when she won. Go on with your fierce self, mama! I, as many others look forward to hearing J-Hud connect to us, and preach the truth to us, through her magnificent voice. Just amazing!
I will leave you with this thought. Think about how many non-Americans won Oscars yesterday. What is Hollywood without a good dash of curry powder? BLOP BLOP!
I will leave you with this thought. Think about how many non-Americans won Oscars yesterday. What is Hollywood without a good dash of curry powder? BLOP BLOP!
ONE VOICE. ONE LOVE. And I am telling you!!
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