Couples Divide at Christmas Time

New couples are faced with the challenge of spending time apart  during the the holiday season.

This holiday season I am being challenged with a situation for the first time. Though I have had a lover before during this season of jolly, I have never actually been part of her family as I am with my current girlfriend. We have respectfully decided to spend Christmas with our individual families, but we are confronting the thoughts of what to do in following years, as she wants to be with her family and I with mine.

I know it sounds petty, there are problems that are much larger in the world, but I have had a few sad moments thinking that I am not going to wake up beside her on that snowy morning, kiss her under her hand-crafted mistletoe and  remind her that she is the best gift I could ever ask for. It is our first Christmas together afterall.

I don't have a quick solution, perhaps this is why I am thinking this one out so much. She has younger siblings and parents of her own, and I have a 12-year old niece, parents and siblings of my own. I know that sometimes you have to be away from the ones you love to appreciate them more, but I can't help but think of the lyrics from the Mariah Carey Christmas classic, "All I Want for Christmas is You" and feel slightly melancholic.

Speaking with other couples I have learned that they rotate holidays among their families, and I guess perhaps that is something her and I will have to think about. Or perhaps when we are more mobile to get between our two houses that are about an hour apart, we can just drive between the two (but who wants to not be drunk on Christmas!).What I realize it that I have my own little family now, and though I love and cherish all the Christmas' with my Mom, Dad, brother, sister and niece - I will certainly miss my baby boo on that cold yet fuzzy-warm feeling morning.

I am one lucky lady to have such wonderful people in my life, full of kindness and good energy. I think I will promise her that when I wake on Christmas morning I will call her and say "Merry Christmas baby, I love you." I guess that is the best I can do.

The Art of Me

Now is not the time to fear, or be afraid. Now is the time to grow and vitalize true worth and potential. I am utterly blessed, and I owe no one anything but myself the diligence of realizing my greatest potential. I am not anyone's toy, I am not anyone's ball to a chain. I am realizing that for so long I have held inside my talents, my freedoms, the things that you claimed to value that you quickly vanished once you tasted the fruit of my ripe wisdom.

I know who you are, I have met ones like you. Those who rape you, invade you, open you and then leave you to be ravaged. What you don't know is that I am much more aware of you, then you are of yourself. I see that you are insecure, conniving and that you control those around you by making them feel empathy for your woes.

I am not afraid of you, for you will never be me. I do not wish to be you. I am ready to fulfill my destiny, for I am told by the astrologer that a change is close, one that would push me into my complete womanhood. She has arrived. I open the door to let her in. 

Goodbye to holding myself back, to playing it safe and knowing what is next. Hello to the challenges that lay ahead, the new opportunities and the chance to finally say goodbye to you.

NO H8

My partner Caitlin McGrath & I support NO H8.

If anyone out there needs a friend, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to listen, please email me at thunderpussgeisha@gmail.com.

Our photo in support of the NO H8 Campaign: http://www.noh8campaign.com/

For those struggling with thoughts of suicide: http://www.thetrevorproject.org/

Photo by Simone Maurice. Make-up by Daniela Saldias.

Queer in Toronto

My picture, as well as my beautiful partner's are featured in the Queer in Toronto photography exhibit. This landmark show representing queer women and trans folks in the Greater Toronto Area will run until November 24th at the Gladstone Gallery located in the Gladstone Hotel.

I will soon follow with a link to an article on Queer in Toronto that will appear in Xtra. However, I thought I  share my featured photgraph with you lovelies.

Many thanks for our beautiful friends Taryn Pimento and Margo Foster for this amazing privilege.

Stay yourself and keep the love alive.

Happy Diwali - 2067 is here Hindu homies!

Best wishes to all and have a FAB year!!! Let there be light!

Freedom to Fall

Life can be a scary process. Learning to be aware is alarming and the issue of  freedom is never not in question. Whether we belong to ourselves or whether we chop ourselves into little pieces, then neatly package ourselves with bows and place our souls for sale, we still have to carry value for ourselves for what's inside the box. We are our own to unwrap. We are all made of great beauty. Some are thought prettier, some are simply smarter - but we all have worth.

I have learned that though life can be care-free, I prefer to care.

We can walk away knowing that we chose the way we thought was better, only to find out that we hesitated about change. Growing is an illusion, we must simply fulfill our destiny fearlessly.

While some maintain that life is unfair and cruel, we have the choice to achieve and rise above our challenges, personal and professional. No one said that working hard was easy. No one claimed that it would be clear to get too the truth.

Take a silent moment, feel breath enter and then release - the solution to everything is let it go if it hurts. Don't run away from pain because it is an inescapable reality.

Millions of people will never know the power of love to heal, to release the disappointments in tears, the pain it took to grow more.

When we are younger it is much easier to identify growth - we grow taller, grow hair in inconvenient places, everyone tells us that we look bigger. We do not stop growing even as adults, nor should we. If something falls from reach, we must grow a longer reach.

Keeping the faith is often a test of our strength to believe in embracing the unknown valleys that lay ahead. There is light even in the darkest of places, just look.

Aphordite's Metamorphoses

Times may be unsettled in our growth, we may wave along like a ship at sea. Remember you can always depend on my love, no matter how far from shore we may be. It feel conflicted when I see you in pain, with a kind of energy which feels drained. If I could, I would, kiss all your worries away, remind you like a bird in your ear that everything will be ok. Stay a while more and I will prove to you that I am not like a leaf in the wind. I don't wanna fly away from you, simply just change colours with you. By your humble side I shall follow you into the ocean of love's sea.

Ill Nana in Xtra

Come check out and support Ill Nana if you are in the T-Dot! Fresh Blood is a series dedicated to emerging choreographers, only the best.

See my piece on them here and visit Harbourfront Centre website for more information.