Absolute Pattern

I have come out tonight for one reason, to dance,
I walk into the room and I see 100 women looking at me.
I don't care to see them as the only thing I can do is feel the rhythm seducing my feet.
Dance bitch, time to set free!

I use to be so afraid when I was young, conscious of letting myself be free to dance openly in front of a room watching me.
I was young, overweight and not necessarily proud of the way I looked. I was paranoid at the idea of someone watching clumsily try and bust a move, I was just so shy and so scared to express myself in my body.
For many years I watched people gather around the dancefloor with not enough courage to join them and release my own inhibitions. But somehow my head always was bopping and I never missed a beat with the sole of my foot beating against the ground, pound for pound.

I open my eyes and though the room is full, I see no faces, only bodies that move in different places. I want to move every muscle, I want to sweat until I soak through my shirt. I wanna close my eyes and feel the music lift me away from the reality that bites around me, the people that seem to rock in confined precession. This is my time to show the moves that allow me to keep at a regular flow, time to stop the show. Girl dance that booty out ya pants!

I let the music grow into a motion that resides in my hips, my butt, my arms, my breast and my feet, the blood inside of me. They can't handle me. I feel the first drip of sweat from my brow and I feel the possession in my body take over, enslaved by the rhythm, the vocals that urge me to keep up. It's all over now.

I use to think that I was not someone who could entice a room, no one special outside a crowd of movable art. But now I know that I am a piece of art alone, I can see it by the way I run out of breath and the way the music makes me moan from my head to my chest. If you can't keep up with me I suggest you stand aside, watch me lay it down beside you, step aside. Music resides within me, it is who I am. Like food gives us the energy to function through the day, it is music that allows me to make all my troubles go astray.

I danced until they said it was time to go. I smiled at the thought of how scared I use to be and now everyone was watching me. I am just the way I want to be, overheated, full of energy, stamina and not afraid to loose control when I am aware others look at me with peculiar glare. I am enraptured to the dancefloor, I am under her spell. She is my voodoo priestess and I her faithful concubine. Fill me, possess me, you have put a spell on me.

L Word, Season 5 - LAME

I just finished watching Season 5 of the L Word. All I can say is that the show has turned to complete crap. I will be the first to admit that I was addicted to L Word for the first 3 seasons it was a good, entertaining female soap-opera drama but there seems to be no redemption in my mind for this season past.

This series has completely sold out in producing stereotypical images of lesbian life and behaviour in a negative light. I no longer feel able to identify with any of these characters. For example, the character of Shane has always struggled with commitment and monogamy phobia. At first I was able to empathize with her inability to get close to people mentally, but at this point I have no care for her ridiculous behaviour. It is impossible to do what Shane does. It seems that every woman, gay or straight seem to want to fuck her. Really she is not that hot this season anyways. Girl needs to eat some food--magga benz! Some of her sexual scenarios were more far fetched than believing Madonna is a virgin and there is never any attention payed to her taking responsibility for how she makes the women she treats like trash feel. Shane's ex flings all just magically disappear into never-never-lesbian land.

Bette and Tina. Oh Bette and Tina. I believe this "relationship" is a very negative image of female self-esteem. Bette sleeps with Tina while she is still in a relationship with Jodi, the cool artist. Can we say lame? Do we quickly forget how Bette cheated on Tina when they were partners with the carpenter? Do we forget that they have partnered a child together and this is the image of an "in and out of my life" policy that they are showing their young daughter? We finally see a queer television show tackle the issue of gay parenting and this is what they give us. Eeeps. This is not how I hope to perceive a healthy relationship that involves a child, whether heterosexual or queer. The show portrays Tina like a rug you can walk all over and they never fully give her the opportunity to grow as a character without this constant affirmation to need Bette in her life. Again, this is a great image to show women as obedient, trained idiots.

Alice. Oh I still heart Alice but the storyline with Tasha seems to be loosing me now, though in the beginning of the season it did interest me. Or wait, maybe that was the hot sex scene with the ice cream...uh hum. Tasha continues to be an "angry black lesbian" from the military and Alice, the white girl that makes it all come undone for her when her hidden sexuality is revealed in public, IN AMERICA! Ethnic-queer-shame! Please people, it really is not always this dramatic. Not all us ethnic lesbians become bitter, wear combat boots and shoot at things. Race seems to be manipulated as a reason that far exceeds the simplicity of human connection here, even sex. It is used to highlight the belief in narrow-mindedness of the difference of a black lesbian identity over a white one. Plus the lingering temptation of Alice cheating at the end of the season once again illustrating that we, lesbians, are unable to be truthful to our partners before being responsible enough to tell the truth before becoming cheaters.

Jenny. She is still crazy and I can almost say I like her more now then before. She seems to be the only character that struggles with something that I may mildly care about, a mental struggle. The story with the nerdy Adele, who transforms from Ugly Betty to Devil Wears Prada is so unoriginal. Jenny can be a little hard to watch at times because she can be such a power hungry bitch, but at least we are able to see that she is trying to grow and understand once she comes back down from her high horse. This plot line ironically seems to be something of a hoax from a bad Hollywood film. Cut!

It is a shame that the writers and creator of the series has gotten to a point where they feel they can not explore anything beyond the circle of lesbian sex. This show is no longer about friendships or even connections, it is only about sex, sex, sex and not even hot sex. If I wanted to watch erotica, I would. This show is geared more towards heterosexual male fantasies now then a visibility for lesbian women.
As The L Word is the one of the only depictions of lesbianism in popular media, I think that it is a shame and embarrassing that this is a depiction of how we live our lives. I know this show is not encompassing of all lesbian identities, that is impossible, but I wish it would use a little more reality check approach than sex crazed zombies approach. These characters no longer have any substance in connecting to their viewers because they no longer are appealing to watch grow. Stagnant and boring, L Word, Season 5.

Angry lesbian TG, signing off.

P.S. What the hell happened to Papi? All the latinas disappear!

Latest Xtra Article: "Clinging to Queer: Coming Out/Spreading Our Wings"

Enjoy and please leave your feedback. I dedicate this one to my great mama. Just click on the title.
TG

Elementary Philosophy

We fear that which we can not comprehend, grasp or hold onto. I myself have in the past few months struggled with the loneliness of immediate loss. When you have something before you that you know you desire to care for with tenderness and attention, it is difficult to let it go.

But you can not hold that which is not yours to care for. Freedom is a trick, for it can be marginalized to the idea of whoever lands on your dick, a quick fix. In a world in which many seek to no longer find a means of connection beyond the realms of their everyday, I sit and ponder the lessons that I am meant to see beyond the hesitation of feeling alone, without anyone to hold.

We must be strong to endure the suffering that we feel, when neglect is a unmeasurable element that will always unravel and peel. Falling from grace by no means says that you are not worthy of love, life and happiness. Your fight is in the ability to maintain, stay true to the path that is destined for your train. Be wise my sisters, be wise. Hold onto yourself tight in the darkness of the night.

Impact others for they will never forget the way you made them feel. Those you care for can go astray, choose other avenues to occupy themselves and satisfy their cravings. But the only thing that you can stand firm in tending to is the energy you feed to others. If you know that you have left your mark with a good heart, you can look forward again to a brand new start. If you no longer feel healthy at the thought of something, let it go. It is a pollution to your soul and the only means to get control of it is to really let it go. Freedom is an illusion of the body, but not of the mind. Regulation into robotic nature is not my peace of mind.

The School of Athens, Raphael

I can see the world reveal itself to me with the palm of my small, soft hands and though I am scared I must realize there is so much more for me to understand. I know now that which I want, that which makes me feel alive. I no longer wish to sit an ponder about failed endeavours or the man undercover, who dashed away from being my brother.

Fear is controllable, for if you know that you deserve happiness it will always be yours. Enjoy and live, remember those who have brushed the heart of your soul and remember that once you leave, your legacy will be away from that which you sold.

Be as you are, allow yourself the time to heal but do not take for granted that you are alive. Do not lean on anything but your own dreams to support the way. Feel through each moment and be thankful everyday.

That which is meant to be will come back to you, even if it now evades you. Never forget the possibilities that are ahead. Life is not a journey if you do not allow it to converse with you, educate you, trip you along the way. You must always find a way back to the confidence that allows life to show you the way towards brighter days. Never forget to understand that with privilege we are all blessed all the time.

Omnipresent

Compulsive mind.
Stop pressing rewind.
Forward fast.
Destination unknown.

Empty cellar.
Aged wine.
Taste of life.
All divine.

Shattered glass.
Bleeding feet.
Walking through fire.
Rise even when weak.

She is gone.
He has come.
She is one.
He is none.

Religion sought.
Myself found.
Divine intervention.
The world is mine.

My Commute Downtown

I got on the train and I looked for a seat.
I saw one in the far corner and messily in my morning daze I fumbled over with my hood up and my headphones on.
It was like any other morning, but then I looked up.
There she was. She was dark and her skin was as smooth as creamy butter melting on the tip of my quick tongue.
I flicked the track on my Ipod, the mood was not right.
There….better.
I tried not to stare, but she was sitting right there.
I was one arm length away from me feeling her body pressed deeply against mine.
I crossed my legs and she continued to cross my mind.
I first noticed her juicy, thick lips.
Delicious.
She was resting and her eyes were closed.
I licked my lips.
I wanted to suck the nectar out of her and leave my love bites all over her body.
I have no control over my need to want to fuck her deeply.
I wanted to taste her spread open, sitting on my face.
My pussy was pounding like a drill of deep discovery.
I could not/I did not want to stop my mind from tracing every inch of her body with the tip of imagination.
Each curve of her remarkable body that I had now began to piece together like a puzzle from my attention to her details.
I imagined if I was bold and she had opened her eyes, she would see me looking at her with hunger, with pure desire.
I thought of how I would take her home and pour her some wine, light some candles and ask her to unwind.
Put on some Jodeci and ask her to be mine for this moment in time.
Open yourself to me.
I would pull her close and tell her how much I wanted to feel her inside of me.
Once she had broken me loose, I would ask her to pull out and taste me on her fingers.
Taste me.
I want to make her sweat like a good cardio session, but I want her not only be dripping with sweat, but the juice her body has expelled with joyful praise.
My mouth felt dry, I swallowed.
Feeling the hot candle wax drip down my back.
Just watch me burn.

Ding! Ding! We have arrived at the station.
I have come into the city today.
I smile at her, have a nice day (0:

The Love Technician

Those who speak to me in the right voice, I shall allow to follow me.
Away from this place of misconstrued falsifications, illegible shredded pieces of paper containing the wisdom of direction that has gone astray.
If you come with me you will begin to see that nothing is of matter except that loves that resides between you and me. Allow me to heal you.
I know it is not easy, but if you are honest in your journey it can never be that way. I will administer the temperature when you decide to rise and restore the faith in the love that we share. A essence of energy that grows with infinite power between you and me. But first with me.
Like a fire you must tend to this mutual flame and never let it sizzle out and turn into a pile of ashes and molten strain.
Human connections are bestowed upon us as a challenge to see if we are able to envision that my brothers and sisters, together we are meant to be.
Do not allow history to repeat itself, a change can only start if we are strong enough to challenge the destruction and pain that has been tormenting us from reaching our highest elevation away from bullets of inhumane.
We were born to create, not to destroy without the responsibility of fate to appreciate, that which we allowed to slip away because we were not able to understand the lesson that before us have taken shape.
Open your mind to and you will see that I am a not full of anger and disappointment, it is always just a temporary strain on me.

I was sitting underneath the apple tree when the apple hit the top of me. Pop!
A bubble floated out of my head and into a stream that connected with the hand of the ocean of what ebbed and flowed into the center of me.
The apple, when it impacted the top of my petite head, snapped me out of my heightened sense of self-inflicted insane and reminded me that in my principles I must stay without sway.
Seek and you shall find. Guide and they shall follow.
I am a love technician that has been granted the opportunity to free those who will open their heart to me. I am not here to receive if I am not first here to give. I give you my words that beat with a persistent and reliable sound within my chest, my voluptuous breasts.
I unravel the exhausting miles that have been run through the blood in my veins, around and backwards, forward and defined only with the intention of gaining knowledge of loving through the rain.
I take a bite of this juicy, red apple. It tastes good to me.

I regain a moderation of analytical feeling that is my mine to share beyond the seed of a worm that has the ability to eat away my inner wears.
Lean over, spread your soul, let me inject you, it is beyond the comprehension of your control.

M.I.A - On Your Skin Musical Revolution

Straight out this is the coolest brown chick in the world (well tied with me...(0:)

I saw her live about 2 years ago (she regularly frequents T-Dot) and she has one HYPE crowd. Her energy is wicked and she is socially conscious, her beats are tight and she infuses electro, dancehall beats and pure bhangra goodness. M.I.A is the real deal...MASH IT UP!!!

M.I.A. is Maya Arulpragasam, 32, a Sri Lankan artist who grew up in London after her family was forced to flee her nation's civil war. Her father was deeply involved with this movement and this no doubt influenced her writing and need to emote what she had seen, heard and felt through her creative expressionism. While her first album Arular, dealt with more political issues and her body as politics within her displacement, her ambitions and refugee educations (dash that curry!), her latest album, Kala is about her brown skin and using it to describe both having an insider and outsider perspective of observation on society and culture, as long as she keeps her refugee status and visa close by.

Kala is genius and exceeds even beyond Arular with some crazy experimentation's for sound, effects and breaks. Representing for the brown ladies all around the world is M.I.A.

Respect.

From Arular,"Galang."


From Kala, "Bird Flu."