I just wanted to take a moment out of my day to talk about something that I value with the utmost honesty. Friendship.
These last couple days have not been easy on me. Anyone who reads the blog, or that has come in contact with me knows that I am hurting. But the one thing that I have realized, is the way that I really cherish the friends I have in my life. To them I say, thank you. Thank you for knowing me and my sensitivity. For having faith in me as a person who deserves and welcomes love into her life.
I had once written in a blog entry: Love does not disappoint, people do.
This is what I need to understand right now and my friends have reminded me of my self-worth, at a time where I feel volatile and sad. I urge all of you to take a moment out of your day to tell your friends that you appreciate them, as much as they appreciate you.
To all the folks that have had have me lean against them and will continue to support me, I love you all. You are my saving grace in reminding me to keep my head up and keep the faith.
Friends are rare and beautiful privileges. True friends feel your pain, before you say nothing at all.
When it comes to love, they remind me (although I already know) that if you set someone free, with no regret in your heart and only love for them in your mind, soul and body. If it is meant to be, he/she will realize the value of you in all aspects--and need you in his/her life. When it comes to life they remind me that I need to believe in myself and not waste time hesitating. In life they teach me that I am only here to be kind, not to hurt anyone.
They remind me, when I have lost grip of myself.
Thank you.
"Have no friends not equal to yourself."
- Confucious (551 - 497 BC) Chinese philosopher.
"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us as the confident knowledge that they will help us."
- Epicurus (341 - 270 BC) Greek philosopher.
"Thus nature has no love for solitude, and always leans, as it were, on some support; and the sweetest support is found in the most intimate friendship."
- Cicero
"Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light."
- Helen Keller
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Severance
I have not slept in 2 days. I have barley been able to hold down what little food I could have myself swallow. I sit, my body hunched, my heart feels like it is on a constant drip. I lose blood by every second. I never ever stop missing you. Never. The tears that I can't keep from falling from my eyes, put a sting in my stomach that is so intense that I feel that I could die.
I know this pain has only just begun and I don't know how I am to get through it, without you by my side. I am broken. The sun does not shine, the birds do not sing. The thought of anyone with you makes me want to vomit in my soul.
You had promised me that you would not leave me dry and ashamed of the floor, like she once had. But you did. If I was the reason that you feel you know yourself now better than ever, then why did you just throw me away. Curiosity can lead you astray from something cherished, that is already before your eyes. I have no choice but to let you go and be free to discover. But the thought of someone loving you more than me, I know is impossible. Impossible.
I have a love for you that is harder, more dependable and sincere than most people have to offer. This I know. Yes, I have been out there. I have seen what there is for me and my belief was that it led me to you. I thanked the universe that I had been sent my salvation. After all my patience and hurt, I was worthy of loving and being loved again.
Just remember, I did not discover myself through a scene. I discovered myself through myself, with those who love me at my side. It hurts me to know that you have lost faith in the love that we build as a symbol of our commitment to each other. We agreed to be the one.
I don't know if I can make it through this. I know this pain is here to stay for sometime now and I know I am weak. With all my heart, all my passion, all my convictions and all my emotions--I continue to be broken in a way that it feels only you can heal me. I am bleeding uncontrollably.
I beg for mercy. I am not strong.
I know this pain has only just begun and I don't know how I am to get through it, without you by my side. I am broken. The sun does not shine, the birds do not sing. The thought of anyone with you makes me want to vomit in my soul.
You had promised me that you would not leave me dry and ashamed of the floor, like she once had. But you did. If I was the reason that you feel you know yourself now better than ever, then why did you just throw me away. Curiosity can lead you astray from something cherished, that is already before your eyes. I have no choice but to let you go and be free to discover. But the thought of someone loving you more than me, I know is impossible. Impossible.
I have a love for you that is harder, more dependable and sincere than most people have to offer. This I know. Yes, I have been out there. I have seen what there is for me and my belief was that it led me to you. I thanked the universe that I had been sent my salvation. After all my patience and hurt, I was worthy of loving and being loved again.
Just remember, I did not discover myself through a scene. I discovered myself through myself, with those who love me at my side. It hurts me to know that you have lost faith in the love that we build as a symbol of our commitment to each other. We agreed to be the one.
I don't know if I can make it through this. I know this pain is here to stay for sometime now and I know I am weak. With all my heart, all my passion, all my convictions and all my emotions--I continue to be broken in a way that it feels only you can heal me. I am bleeding uncontrollably.
I beg for mercy. I am not strong.
The Power of HER....
Twisted. How can I un-tie these twisted hours. Split in two. Loving and missing you. You have led me to a place, where I have found the deepest roots of my most intimate and genuine love. Inside of me, you have blossomed into the most beautiful and truthful gift. No matter that you have broken my heart, I love you unconditionally. This I know is true- I cannot resist you.
You were a bird, sitting captive in a cage. I have allowed you to realize your beauty, that you are worthy of attention and care. You are precious, the most beautiful woman I know. I know that I need to set you free, let you discover your way. But I can’t help but wonder, if my intentions were good, my love honest and my heart in the right place, why did it have to be this way?
No matter how you break my heart. Know that a piece of you lay in the deepest and warmest place in my soul. You have reminded me how much love I have to give. Go now and be free, and now that you can always look inside of you and my love will be there with you.
I love you, I always will.
It feels like I can cry and weep forever, but I must learn to live.
Without HER energy, HER smile, HER arms to hold me tight, HER sweet kisses. Her lips.
I will always love you.
This will never change. The pain and sorrow I feel, the withdrawal that makes me shake. I know I gave myself completely, that is why the sting resonates.
You are beautiful.
I only wish her love and all the best, for she deserves the best. Make sure that she loves you hard. You are beautiful.
Take care of yourself and into my eyes, your face will remain faithful. The power of HER.
You were a bird, sitting captive in a cage. I have allowed you to realize your beauty, that you are worthy of attention and care. You are precious, the most beautiful woman I know. I know that I need to set you free, let you discover your way. But I can’t help but wonder, if my intentions were good, my love honest and my heart in the right place, why did it have to be this way?
No matter how you break my heart. Know that a piece of you lay in the deepest and warmest place in my soul. You have reminded me how much love I have to give. Go now and be free, and now that you can always look inside of you and my love will be there with you.
I love you, I always will.
It feels like I can cry and weep forever, but I must learn to live.
Without HER energy, HER smile, HER arms to hold me tight, HER sweet kisses. Her lips.
I will always love you.
This will never change. The pain and sorrow I feel, the withdrawal that makes me shake. I know I gave myself completely, that is why the sting resonates.
You are beautiful.
I only wish her love and all the best, for she deserves the best. Make sure that she loves you hard. You are beautiful.
Take care of yourself and into my eyes, your face will remain faithful. The power of HER.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Monday, June 18, 2007
The Thread that Binds
Dedicated to the two devoted movement freaks in my life.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
So I was watching a video of that my girlfriend, along with her roommate and BFF, David, had document their first dance production. Their company, "Glory House for Movable Art," tends to come up with some pretty disturbing/interesting/thought provoking concepts. So they say, and I tend to feel their twisted-elegant vision.
In the video, which I just saw for the first time, Miss Melissa sews pieces of meat together. Separate pieces that seem to form neatly together to form the jigsaw puzzle of a cadaver. Each piece meticulously engaging in size.
A body lays covered in the flesh of another. I regret that I did not get a chance to see the production, though now it has got me thinking.
In a society that claims to be civilized have morals and beliefs, what is it that makes us universally uncomfortable?
The answer could be quite simple; anything that falls foreign to the reach of your usual realm of reality; differences. These could extend from religion, to social practices, to fashion and ornamentation. To concepts of the sacred and the valuable.
We are all aware that certain qualities and traits (I refer to the more emotionally prone, then the physically obvious), bind us together as a people. But what is it that we can do to allow ourselves to be exposed to spectrums or taboos that make uncomfortable… that PREVOKE US??
There is one word comes in. Art. Now, I am aware that art itself is quite a loaded term. In today’s day and age, it seems though anyone can call anything art, regardless of the pieces ability or actually connect or offend an individual viewer. We can be told that Michelangelo was a master, but only a fool would not be able to identify the mastery in his hands. Creation. His work is his truest testament to his legacy.
Genuine art, like that that took formation years ago throughout civilizations, remains to have one concrete ingrediant in its formula. It makes you THINK and FEEL. You gaze at it with the intention of understanding it and allowing for you to understand yourself. You mirror yourself in it, you emulate the emotional reaction which it initiates, with your own physical response.
A cadaver covered in meat. What does that make you FEEL & THINK?
I see images of Frida Kahlo with a miscarried child spewing out of her vagina. This connects with me not because I have had that same experience. I can empathize with the pain she felt not only as a woman, but also as a human being. Or I wonder if she felt anything at all. Her [pain] is more sorrowful in this image-because I think her over-all [spirit] as strong and stern.
Connection is freighting. Often it allows you to lurk into the darkest and most hesitant areas of your conscience. We cannot have the power to deny a connection. You feel and think it. Therefore it is. All thoughts, good or bad, conventionally valuble or faithfully creative. They are to be shared.
Encourage those around you that have a vision, to think to create. We have more room for creation, not destruction. Seal the wounds with a thread of another’s pain. Feel someones body against yours.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
What is your MyPOD?
I am not necessarily initiating this entry with a noble confession. However my intention is to reveal the truth. I do not think that the translucent and/or free-spirited individual will have a difficult time appreciating my truisms.
There I am sitting on the passenger’s side, of one of my best friends rides (Big UPS!). 3 people to get high – and we got high. The laughter that emanated in the air prior to our session seems to intensify even further. We say “shoooooot!” and “blasted” many times. Staying true to my ethic, I amuse not only myself, but also those around me.
A late (yet very soon) to be discovered genius thought comes to me. Nothing like some healthy greens to get your mind going!
What is your MyPOD?
Now please understand that I am not suggesting that moods are limited to the choices that I have made. However, at the time it seemed like a stark contrast--my stoner mind had formulated imagery in a puff!
A) PrincessPOD:
You are not having it. Nobody should mess with you, because you are not afraid to rip out your weave and fight to the death. Yah nuh Ready fi Dis Yet! You are no means a pissy person. You just do not like people who are devastatingly daft and blatantly boring. Honestly is a virtue kids. That is what you are, honest. When you are done with something or someone, you withdraw yourself immediately mentally, and urgently, physically. Your PrincessPOD: The walls, maybe glass. So maybe you can look when you are bothered. Perhaps a small hole. So maybe you can listen if you want to hear. Maybe a larger hole. So that you can slap when people are stcupid! Your PrincessPOD is a place where you can be safe, and keeps people from you. In short, a well-needed sanctuary. What are you looking at? UGH!
B) Pissy POD:
One word describes you. Crusty. You give stank face as if you were Kelly Rowland and someone is messing with your man. You tend to gesture a lot at people, or point when you judge them. You kiss your teeth with intense passion and will spit on people who make you vexed. You probably have a small felony record. Violence is not an issue, if it reveals a truth. Truth is a virtue kids. That is what you are, truthful. You are aware that you can sometimes leave a subtle aroma of stank when you leave a room. But hell, at least you left your mark! You make people that bore you, withdraw themselves from a situation, through your razor sharp looks of disapproval and disbelief at them. Again, you know you are stank, but you don’t give a fuck. So you enter your PissyPOD: The walls are made of mirrors, because you do not care to see anyone other than yourself at this point. There is a light in the corner. You use this light to concentrate your feelings of irritability. There is a stankmidifier in the corner of the pod, to filter the piss-energy.
So I know you maybe thinking, these are mighty spacious PODS. Well you know what? Eat my ass! Don’t make me punch you in the throat! If only you could see how I am looking at you right now. Damn I am cute!
Which POD do I belong in? Which POD do you belong in? Can I get an interchangeable MyPOD?
There I am sitting on the passenger’s side, of one of my best friends rides (Big UPS!). 3 people to get high – and we got high. The laughter that emanated in the air prior to our session seems to intensify even further. We say “shoooooot!” and “blasted” many times. Staying true to my ethic, I amuse not only myself, but also those around me.
A late (yet very soon) to be discovered genius thought comes to me. Nothing like some healthy greens to get your mind going!
What is your MyPOD?
Now please understand that I am not suggesting that moods are limited to the choices that I have made. However, at the time it seemed like a stark contrast--my stoner mind had formulated imagery in a puff!
A) PrincessPOD:
You are not having it. Nobody should mess with you, because you are not afraid to rip out your weave and fight to the death. Yah nuh Ready fi Dis Yet! You are no means a pissy person. You just do not like people who are devastatingly daft and blatantly boring. Honestly is a virtue kids. That is what you are, honest. When you are done with something or someone, you withdraw yourself immediately mentally, and urgently, physically. Your PrincessPOD: The walls, maybe glass. So maybe you can look when you are bothered. Perhaps a small hole. So maybe you can listen if you want to hear. Maybe a larger hole. So that you can slap when people are stcupid! Your PrincessPOD is a place where you can be safe, and keeps people from you. In short, a well-needed sanctuary. What are you looking at? UGH!
B) Pissy POD:
One word describes you. Crusty. You give stank face as if you were Kelly Rowland and someone is messing with your man. You tend to gesture a lot at people, or point when you judge them. You kiss your teeth with intense passion and will spit on people who make you vexed. You probably have a small felony record. Violence is not an issue, if it reveals a truth. Truth is a virtue kids. That is what you are, truthful. You are aware that you can sometimes leave a subtle aroma of stank when you leave a room. But hell, at least you left your mark! You make people that bore you, withdraw themselves from a situation, through your razor sharp looks of disapproval and disbelief at them. Again, you know you are stank, but you don’t give a fuck. So you enter your PissyPOD: The walls are made of mirrors, because you do not care to see anyone other than yourself at this point. There is a light in the corner. You use this light to concentrate your feelings of irritability. There is a stankmidifier in the corner of the pod, to filter the piss-energy.
So I know you maybe thinking, these are mighty spacious PODS. Well you know what? Eat my ass! Don’t make me punch you in the throat! If only you could see how I am looking at you right now. Damn I am cute!
Which POD do I belong in? Which POD do you belong in? Can I get an interchangeable MyPOD?
Sunday, June 10, 2007
T-Dot Summer Patio Guide
From the kindness of my cold heart!! Here is a little link that leads to a great list of happening patios in the T Dot. If you look at the top, you can also find some decent coupons, for hot spots in the GTA.
http://www.menupalace.com/menupalace/default.aspx
Happy boozin!! BLOP BLOP!
TG
http://www.menupalace.com/menupalace/default.aspx
Happy boozin!! BLOP BLOP!
TG
Toronto Pride 2007 - Dyke Guide!
Hello lovlies!
So it is that time again! Booty shorts, sprakles and sunglasses!! YAY! That's right kids....PRIDE!
http://www.pridetoronto.com
I am aware that lesbian representation, in the Toronto partying scence is quite invisible and lacks the quality of FUN! So, I thought I would be helpful and make some suggestions for all the ladies!
So after my research was complete, this is what I have compiled as my list of suggestions. MEOW:
1) PLEASURE PALACE: MORE THAN PUSSY
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Doors open at 8pm close at 3am
Club Toronto, 231 Mutual Street
Tickets $20 (sliding scale available)
Limited advance tickets available at Toronto Women's Bookstore, 73 Harbord Street
18+, ID required. This event is not licensed
We regret that this event is not wheelchair accessible.
Lap dancers, g-spot room, butt play room, photos, DJ kalmplex and other worldly delights
All the fun of past bathhouses with the added hard-won freedom to fuck!
2) WITH CHERRY BOMB RESIDENT DJs (the new Savour!!)
DENISE BENSON + COZMIC CAT
putting fresh new flavas in your ear
SATURDAY JUNE 16: CHERRY BOMB GOES OFF!
Resident DJs Cozmic Cat and Denise Benson embark on a new monthly journey, heating things up for Pride as we tag-team our way through opening night. Explosive!
$6 cover
licensed, 19+ events for gals + our pals
9pm – 3am
at ANDY POOLHALL
489 College Street . Toronto. 416.923.5300
3) Friday, June 22
MOIST 6th Annual Women’s Pride Dance, Party in the Boudoir
DJs Deb Parent and DJ Winnie. Special performance by the Saucy Tarts. Come and visit the Boudoir lounge on the 2nd floor. Huge dance floor, 5 bars, all women welcome. Supporting women’s participation on Gay
Games/Outgames.
Friday, June 22
Doors open at 9pm
Tickets available from:
This Ain’t the Rosedale Library (483 Church St., 416-929-9912);
Out on the Street (551 Church St., 416-967-2759); Copy Cat (680 Danforth Ave., 416-405-8484)
$20 advance; $25 at the door
4) Big Primpin (yummy Queen St. Dykes!)
Since 2005. Big Primpin has produced a pride event for hip-hop homos and their fashionable friends. Get Busted is an occasion where conversation and cruising are
just as important as the sweaty, busy dance floor. This
year Big Primpin is taking over the Drake Hotel, resulting in a three floor queer rap extravaganza. The three floors include the Underground, Lounge and Sky yard.
Saturday June 23
9pm
The Drake Hotel
1150 Queen St W
416-531-5042
www.thedrakehotel.ca/pride.asp
$10 at the door
2 UNIQUE PRIDE EVENTS FOR GALS + OUR PALS:
CHERRY BOMB: Get Live! Friday June 22 @ Mod Club Theatre
CHERRY BOMB: Go Deep! Saturday June 23 @ Crosstown
------------------------------------------------------------------------
CHERRY BOMB: Get Live!
FRIDAY JUNE 22 . 9pm - 3am
An unprecedented evening of entertainment for queer gals + our pals, in one of the finest venues in this city, featuring live on stage:
DANCE YOURSELF TO DEATH (Toronto)
After only two years, this red-hot (and super cute) power-pop-punk trio has a serious following of fans who’ve fallen for their catchy hooks and fun, energetic stage presence. ‘60s girl-group meets ‘80s pop-rock. Sweet! myspace.com/danceyourselftodeath
SCREAM CLUB (Olympia, WA)
We are so hyped to present a spotlight set by Olympia’s Cindy Wonderful and Sarah Adorable - sexy, smart, feminist, gender-queer rapping superheroes who inspire and entertain with their original electro-hop-glam-rock. Contagious! www.screamclub.com
plus appearances by hype local MCs
NOLAN NATASHA myspace.com/nolannatasha
LA BOMBA myspace.com/labombs
PANTHA BLAX panthablax.com
CHERRY BOMB resident DJs
DENISE BENSON + COZMIC CAT
putting fresh new flavas in your ear
visuals by filmmaker LIZ SINGER
9pm – 3am . performances start at 10:30pm
at the Mod Club Theatre 722 College Street
fantastic sound + stage + lighting • balconies • lounge • patio • 650 person capacity
$15 in advance + at the door
LIMITED quantity of advance tickets on sale from MONDAY MAY 28 with half of the venue’s capacity held for admission at the door. Advance tickets at:
Toronto Women's Bookstore. 73 Harbord Street
Come As You Are. 701 Queen West
Soundscapes. 572 College Street
a licensed, 19+ event for queer gals + our pals
www.denisebenson.com
myspace.com/djcozmic
myspace.com/cherrybombtoronto
~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
CHERRY BOMB: Go Deep!
SATURDAY JUNE 23 . 10pm - 5am (DEFINATLY RECCOMENNDED!!)
sweat. dance. cruise.
This one is dedicated to the dancers, romancers, and all those who wanna get lost in the music and each other. Dance 'til dawn in T.O.'s new underground hot spot.
ALL NIGHT BACK-TO-BACK SETS by DJs
CPI (Ottawa. divergence. http://thetastates.com)
DELICIOUS (voglie. soma. slack's)
COZMIC CAT (hotsteppin. cherry bomb)
DENISE BENSON (savour. synchro. ckln. cherry bomb)
spinning edgy new underground sounds mixed with carefully selected classics. house. tech. electro. booty. breaks. Baltimore. indie dance. mashups + more
Crosstown 178 Bathurst Street (at Queen West)
clean full sound • warm wooden dancefloors • lounge/chill area • warehouse vibes, baby!
$10 before 11pm . $15 after
no advance tickets . doors open 10pm to 3am . party goes to 5am
a licensed, 19+ event for queer gals + our pals
Play hard, be safe and have fun ladies! Happy Pride to all!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)