Saturday, August 11, 2012

Quiet Love

Help me. I think I am going through some sort of fucked up withdrawal. The sun is shining, which gives me hope that one day I will wake up in the morning and not feel the sadness of you leaving my side. I understand you have taken the steps you need to find yourself; I would never want you to not feel confident and blossom in your own potential.

You were just 22 when we fell in love. I was unable to resist your kindness and ignore your beauty and potential. Our intentions were good, our home mostly happy, full of 4 women, 2 humans, 2 felines. We had ups and downs like any couple does. But recently you told me that you tried to bury your feeling of independence to be with me. I wish that had not been the case, for I would never wish for you to not feel free. I may not have done the best job to show you that I was independent on my own feet - in fact my mistakes over the years has been to coddle my lovers with all my love, and forget that they need fulfillment outside of me. I am sorry, I wish I could have been better at listening to you when you said you needed your own space. I wish to learn this most painful lesson now, in hopes that one day I can really feel secure. I get so hypnotized with my desire to love, I lose sight of other things that also require care. All the same, each person in a relationship must face insecurities and lessons - I feel that I was listening to you the past few weeks, and trying to get over my bad habit of keeping you to myself. I had no bad intentions by wanting to love you so much, but I was not awake enough to see that you were not ready for a lifetime commitment - and the routine of the way our love became our salvation became too much for you at your age.You needed to be young and I needed to be settled.

I still want to contact you just to say I truly forgive you already. I don't regret a moment we shared, but it still kills me that it had to end. I will try to brush my ego aside, and quietly continue to love you from a far. No matter how much it saddens me, I will NEVER forget you or REGRET you. I love you.
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