Sunday, June 1, 2008


Menacing the way I am.
I never knew that I would suffocate you and that you would remove the hands of our time from the arms on your throat. It seems you fell for me, admiring who it is that I am. When you moved closer to me you came to see, that it was not me at all that you wanted to hold with quality of hopes for more.
I slaughtered my soul, felt so abandoned by the love I felt for you, the warmth of your body that never went below zero. I came up to breath and you would only push me down. I wanted to see me as a reflection of your future, but all and all I came to see the ordinary static that became a shady exchange between you and me. Me on bended knees, so careless at loving with all that is me. So inpatient, so faithful that I was blind that you were ravaging the few strands of peace in my mind. You with a face that looked disgraced, such confusion on your brows and such a loss of colour in your face.

Look at me here on the ground at your feet. What a shameful site I have become. Neither brave, nor smart. Neither resilient, nor fearless. Ripped apart, full of such hopes for a brighter tomorrow, with little spark left in my heart.

Now you see him, but you do not see me. I have been casted as a ghost, only present in the superimposed presence. He is gone, but it is your absence that shocks me more. I sit and wonder why you do not even make the effort to call my phone. Why I called so many times asking for you to change your mind, for you to give me the encouragement that we could get through this together. What is it that I have done, where is it that I failed to show you that I cared. I know I can be selfish, I know I can be crudely bold. Understand that I am working night and day to gain back my control.

The sound of your voice echoes at the stroke of a guitar. Clumsily I fall victim to the spell of your calming tone and I remember sitting next to you and gazing at you with such a crush on your control. Bob Marley hung above your head, a puff on smoke around your beautiful head.
Now I wonder how much deeper the distance will get between our kindred minds, if I was just a figment of imagination that became blended with undefinable unfortunate and a flash in your mind.
I catch myself falling back, but it is only with honestly I continue to fall. How is it that I am suppose to process this all? I ponder about the mistakes I made, my inability to walk away. My inability to listen to you tell me that I was more than you could take on. That I deserved someone who could fulfill my feelings and express their voice in words. At that point my head felt like it had been spinning for days, my heart was on empty but still managed to run to you. I wanted so bad to be close to you.

The confusion comes full circle when I listen to you sing. You are aware of the love that I feel, I hear it in your words. I feel a tear shake in my eye and I begin to see, that you and me where so far apart. I am scared that I no longer live inside your heart.
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