Lonely Thinker

There is nothing special about me. I am just an ordinary girl, trying to find her way to a place where I can rest free of pain and disappointment. Find a place where I can lay the seeds of my heart and allow for them to grow into the realities of my dreams.

I am not anything exceptional. I have been battered and bruised, treated like rubbish and left foolishly broken and exposed. My skin is imperfect, for it shows the scars of many broken hearts, many betrayals, many nights pondering why it was that I was made the way that I am and chosen to lead, the life that I blindly lead. A surfacing of what lays beneath my skin is too hard to hide. Covering me up in concealer, will not hide the imagery of my life that embraces every inch of my aging face, every corner of hunched posture.

I am flawed. Sometimes I don't understand the road I have been given.

I am falling from the place of youthful innocence. My body has been diseased by your carelessness, my mind tainted towards the darkness of faithless despair. I am not able to see the light of salvation, when I am full or sorrow and loneliness, when I feel defeated or saddened. At times I wish I could be stronger, though at times I cry because I am strong.

Not many seem to think like me, so what is the use of having a voice? I denounce my mind, for it leads me to think silly thoughts. Not many think like me. I must be a fool.

I continuously make mistakes and wear blinders to the truth. My intentions are always good, but I am naive to the blatant truth. I will hesitate on my telling you who I really am, for I am nothing special. I am just me. A girl. A strong girl, that wants to survive and leave this existence feeling like I mattered to someone. But I don't.

I am no one. For if I was, I still wouldn't be a someone like you would notice. Because I am nothing special. I am just me. If I show you who I am, nothing special, will you run away too? I am ordinary in appearance, I feel just like everyone else. My kiss is not that monumental, I have quite an un-exceptional method of embrace.

I am a no one, that is seeking no one to teach me who I am.

If I was someone special, I would wish to be happy. But happiness is for those who belong. I do not belong here, for if I did, I would not be afraid of you.

You are someone. Someone full of beauty and kindness.