Thursday, September 17, 2009

Toronto International Film Festival gets a "Bitch Slap!"


Well now, I will say that the review that I am about to wrote about Rick Jacobson's Bitch Slap will come from my mouth and my vagina. Yeeeee-ha, this movie leaves you feeling cunty fresh and titilistic!

Arriving to the desert in a shiny black retro beast car, three bad-ass ladies come together to steal over $200 million from merciless underworld kingpin - but naturally things don't come as simple as expected. The movie begins with a scene of slow body shots of our three bombshells coming out of a car - quickly there are lots of breasts all up in your grill. Yes, my lesbian heart grew a big black cock in that instant and I wondered what would be the state on my panties at the end of this film.

An homage to the sexploitation films of the 1960's and 1970's, Bitch Slap flashes between the main setting, a serene desert in the middle of nowhere America, and various flashback sequences that recall the story of how these vixens ended up in this place. The backdrop accessories for our desert divas are lots of heavy weaponry, priceless jewels and trashy trailer that sits vacantly without much regard.

I will admit that at one point or another I wanted to get it on with each of these sassy bitches. Hel (Erin Cummings) is the mastermind of the gang and possesses a laid-back and business attitude towards getting what she wants, Trixie (Julia Voth) is a seemingly innocent airhead and bottylicious stripper that wears a flashy golden dress in the hot desert sun, and then there is Camero (AmerĂ­ca Olivo) a roughneck lesbian who will kick the shit out of anyone that stands in her way. The combination of these ladies leads your fantasies to become a realized reality on-screen for 104 glorious minutes. An endless amount of stylized sexiness is a yummy treat. What remains to be seen is whether these women will stick together or fall apart under the pressure of this life of high balling crime.

Jacobson's film is fun and full of serious girl-on-girl carnal action, both physical and sexual. I imagine that about 2/3 of the men in the theatre popped a really hard hard-on at one point or another. Stand in attention!!

The fight sequences in the film are choreographed by action director Zoe Bell, who is the genius behind some of the bad-ass chicks in past years, including Uma Thurman's Black Mamba in Kill Bill. For me the action never gets old, this movie is a heart-racing, steamy hot - for god's sake there's a water fight scene that runs for a couple of minutes that shows these women having a gay old water fight! You will also have the chance to hear some hilarious and wicked pussy slang that's highly entertaining and worthy of cheer!

Just when you senses are on overload, there are some special guest cameos that are delightful! In the past Rick Jacobson directed over 100 episodes of both Xena: Warrior Princess and Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, so especially fans of these shows will get a kick out of what they see! See Jacobson boldly take this film where television wouldn't allow him to go. This film is a fun sigh of relief to the Toronto International Film Festival 2009 line-up.

Tits, ass, ass-whopping, sex, sex and more sex, and pussy - Bitch Slap is one hell of a good time!
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