Tuesday, June 26, 2007


I have not slept in 2 days. I have barley been able to hold down what little food I could have myself swallow. I sit, my body hunched, my heart feels like it is on a constant drip. I lose blood by every second. I never ever stop missing you. Never. The tears that I can't keep from falling from my eyes, put a sting in my stomach that is so intense that I feel that I could die.

I know this pain has only just begun and I don't know how I am to get through it, without you by my side. I am broken. The sun does not shine, the birds do not sing. The thought of anyone with you makes me want to vomit in my soul.

You had promised me that you would not leave me dry and ashamed of the floor, like she once had. But you did. If I was the reason that you feel you know yourself now better than ever, then why did you just throw me away. Curiosity can lead you astray from something cherished, that is already before your eyes. I have no choice but to let you go and be free to discover. But the thought of someone loving you more than me, I know is impossible. Impossible.

I have a love for you that is harder, more dependable and sincere than most people have to offer. This I know. Yes, I have been out there. I have seen what there is for me and my belief was that it led me to you. I thanked the universe that I had been sent my salvation. After all my patience and hurt, I was worthy of loving and being loved again.

Just remember, I did not discover myself through a scene. I discovered myself through myself, with those who love me at my side. It hurts me to know that you have lost faith in the love that we build as a symbol of our commitment to each other. We agreed to be the one.

I don't know if I can make it through this. I know this pain is here to stay for sometime now and I know I am weak. With all my heart, all my passion, all my convictions and all my emotions--I continue to be broken in a way that it feels only you can heal me. I am bleeding uncontrollably.

I beg for mercy. I am not strong.
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