Tuesday, March 13, 2007

ThunderpussGeisha...DRUNK SURVEY Response!

1.If I was drunk the least likely job I'd be able to perform would be?
Playing heterosexual. Please folks, when this dyke is CRUNK, there is no turning back. I lick my lips like LL Cool J and objectify women into purely instinctual gain! I smell pussy!

.2. If I was drunk the job I'd most likely have no problem performing would be?
A motavational speaker! Stop the insanity. I think that my blunt nature would be exemplified by 100 million dollars. If you had no chance, I would just tell you straight out! Please note: I would definatly be less sympathetic to white people that has issues--hello, slavery ring a bell?? Now that's issues!

3. If I was drunk the song I'd have the least shame about singing outside of a paramours bedroom window would be?
"I Touch Myself." I need not think you need any further explanation. Though I feel I should wear satin and slide my hands all over my body.

4. If I was drunk the most brazen question I'd ask on a first date would be?
"My asshole wants to go for a tongue wash--So tonight, would you consider giving it, The Works?"--spawklin diamonds!


5. If I was drunk the piece of clothing I'd have the least amount of shame parading around in public would be?
A cod piece. As those who know me well, wearing a cod piece is quite a virile fantasy of mine. I will add a fierce septor to complete the ensemble. Think gold bling...

6. If I was drunk at the governors ball immediately following the Academy Awards the person I'd feel best about throwing up on would be?
The circle of annoying, over exposed directors; beginning with Eastwood, moving on to Spielberg, to Lucas--I will spare Scorcese, as I like his glasses. Think projectile vomit alll over their suits and me laughing like a mad hadder and saying, "so can I play someone is one of your films (belch), oh yeah, THERE IS NO PLACE IN HOLLYWOOD FOR AN EAST INDIAN LIKE ME!" Vomit a little more, exit stage.

7. If I was drunk the car I would most want to vandalize would be?
The PT Cruiser. What a stupid looking car. I just want to vomit and shit all over it. Can I add shit, or is that against the rules! I am a rebel, screw you all!

8. If I was drunk the job I'd lie about having in order to get laid would be?
Madonna's dancer. You may laugh, but she is my future lover. It would sound a little something like this..."oh yeah that was me in the cage durign Issac in the Confessions Tour. Yep, all that opression with women in the Middle East, I was just trying to show how I was bursting out of my skin, religion and sex and sexuality!"
OR
Madonna's stylist---ya I know. I WISH!

9. If I was drunk the sign I'd most likely ignore would be?
One way. Fuck you! I will go whatever way I want--would you pass me the red wine?

10. If I was drunk the woman I'd feel least ashamed about giving an open handed slap to the face would be?
Britany Spears. I thought she said, hit me baby one more time! HALAL!

11. If I was drunk the friend I'd feel most comfortable about lying about having had sex with would be?
Oh Derrick. I know he wants it all the same. In fact, on vacay with him and our sleepovers, he always tries to land his plane on my runway. So I figure kill two anxities with one stone. Sleep with a friend and and a man! In both cases, I am sure that an Asian is the safest bet. I dont want ot bleed too much. I would make him cuddle me after (that is what Asians do---so pwetty!). Plus, I know that all we both would do is bottom for one-another.

12. If I was drunk the tattoo I'd most likely INSIST on getting would be?
"The Two Fridas." I will randomly yell at people, "look how she suffered! You think you have it bad, try getting a pole through your vagina and having a filthy pig of a husband!"

13. If I was drunk the person I'd ask to stop 'hating' on my dancing would be?
No one would hate on this shit. Have you seen me move? Like butter baby, BUTTER!

14. If I was drunk the most socially awkward thing I could accuse my mother of being would be? A trani. "Ma, I know you are really Pa!"

15. If I was drunk the family restaurant I'd feel the least ashamed about throwing up in would be?
Smittys. I feel with all the grease and obesity in that place, and the stench of all the shits people have taken directly after their meals would mask the sound of my hurling. In this case, battle shits could save me some serious embarrasment.

16. If I was drunk the most ridiculous racial slur I'd use against someone would be?
White bread! We all know that shit ain't good for you though!

17. If I was drunk the most Pius person I'd ask to 'stop judging me' would be?
Myself. I'm talking to the man in the mirror...I'm asking him to change his ways!

18. If I was drunk the storefront I'd feel the least ashamed pissing on would be?
Cotton Ginny and Northern Reflections. I feel it woudl be more like a public service to discourage those poor female fashion victims, from being inticed by the lure of WOLVES ON SHIRTS! ahhhhhhhhhhh

19. If I was drunk the most random thing I'd have a candle light vigil for would be?
Lady Di. I can never say goodbye to my rose! Gone to soon.

20. If I was drunk the deity I'd most want to blame for my problems would be?
the GO-double D. This response is because I dont want to discriminate on who I place the blame on; I want to condemn all religions and faiths! I blame it on the bossman/woman!
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