Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Well of Lonely Hopes
She gets caught up with always trying to keep it all together. Caught up in making sure that when she rises out of bed in the morning she is thankful she has food to eat, a bed to rest in, a friend to hold her hand. Sometimes she realizes that she forgets that her abnormally large heart allows for echoing spaces to be occupied by people of all ages, colours and ambitions. They need her but she also needs them more than she may lead on. The consequence of loving with the hope of growing like an adolescent, she lets these beautiful people take a piece of her heart away with them with every smile they give her, every word they listen to her speak, with every thank you. Life is sweet and bitter to her all at once. She continues to risk loving like a teenage fool that has the hopes of learning to be free from expectations while expecting all in the same sentiment. She wonders if someone will come along and see that the kindness that she shows is more like a fondness, a deep feeling that stirs her from the hairs on her head to the tips of her feet and makes her heart fill with joy and her eyes with tears. She still does not know how to love without loving with all her heart. She still does not know how to care without allowing it to grow like a baby in the womb and she loves unselfishly with an unbreakable desire to care. She still knows that the reason she lives is to seek someone that will see that her strength is the reason that she is capable of loving without fear but she hurts everyday just the same. She hopes, she dreams, she breaks over and over again but she does not fall apart, she falls into the well of water and her measure of hope rises that she will be free to be received into the arms of unconditional love.