Monday, March 2, 2009

I Am Not THAT Gay.....


I am not that gay because when I walk in a room I don’t (always) declare “hey!” with snaps in my fingers and say “Shashay, you stay. Chante, away!”

I am not that gay because I do not expect to receive redemption for my sins by attending Woodys, Tangos, Buddies or any other Church St. establishments.

I am not that gay because I still believe that clothes should show fashion and style, not tightly squeeze your genitals to painfully display the swollen unit in your pantaloons.

I am not that gay because Twinkie Winkies outrage me! Go to school, stop walking like you think you is Naomi Campbell, or I will whip a blackberry at your magga-ass!

I am not that gay because I am not under the illusion that if I attend one more Madonnarama at Fly Nightclub, I will be discovered and scouted to replace Donna or Nikki as one of Madge’s back-up singers on her next world your. Can I get a “Holiday,” ladies!

I am not that gay, for if I was I would live within view of a Pride flag and this would represent my personal piece of mind.

I am not that gay because I will show a femme how to fuck and a butch how to shut the fuck up!

I am not that gay because I refer to friends of fags as “fruit flies,” not “fag hags.” Hell I know gay men keep them around because they want to be them!

I am not that gay, for I think the idea of dykes and fags being friends is obscene. Plus, what person in the right mind would let lesbians have social space anyways?!!!

I am not that gay because I don’t dream of meeting the love of my life at Slacks.

I am not that gay because if I was…I would kill myself!

I am not that gay because I have not yet attended a fetish fair or been consumed by a masquerade of erotic orgies! Swallow, swallow, pass!

I am not that gay because I like to not be an angry lesbian, but rather an enlightened individual that likes to get mad!

I am not that gay…because I don’t write or do poly-relationship cover shots for Xtra….gulp.

I am not that gay because I have not had over one-thousand sexual partners.

I am not that gay because I don’t own a tool belt, have a VIP card to Home Depot (like a good Home Depot Dyke), or own overalls covered in paint and lady juice.
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