Wednesday, March 25, 2009
She didn’t realize that she was one bad decision away from loosing a piece of herself, a woman who resembled her in texture and heart. She didn’t realize how much she had grown fond of her laughter until she couldn’t hear it anymore. She didn’t know that the first time she had slept with her tight by her side was also the last (for if she did she would have stared at her a bit longer, undisturbed by anything except the morning light). She didn’t know that it was more important that she put her fears of being judged aside and just tell her the truth, because in the end the truth was and is more important than her fear. She didn’t know that she wouldn’t have the chance to tell her that she soothed her and that she couldn’t wait to get to know more about each part of her past, present and future. She didn’t know that she could be such a fool but in that moment she was….and now she will have to pay. She could have said stop but she didn’t. Miserable and defeated but responsible for the outcome of her own irreversible fate, she tries to understand it as a lesson learned and a reminder of how she let her humanity slip from her human hands in that moment. She hates herself for it not as to victimize herself, but because she disappointed herself. Only silence now. Cold, bitter, silence.