Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Broken Telephone

It is hard to break old habits, but there comes to a time to recognize that sometimes change in your strengths need to be tuned for your own survival.

I am a good person, a kind person, a loving person. For me one of the most difficult challenges is letting go of the past in my present – that is to say that I always desire serenity when it comes to situations past. What I have learned is that this is not necessarily a feasible reality when it comes to all situations.

I will admit that I have my friends that keep me in check when I have an emotional day. This usually consists of me desiring to contact someone from my past. Funny as fate is, it has always lent me the tough slap of not having those who were once special with me really make an honest effort to keep in touch with me. It seems that their pride often leaves them running as far from me as seen to the human eye. In the case of my ex’s, their actions have always spoken louder than their words.

So when I have this yucky moment, I must reach into myself, beyond my human strength, to my faith. I refuse to let anyone take my faith from me. At times I may feel dented and weak, but the biggest struggle for me has always been learning to let go and to some, say NO.

I have changed and I continue to change into a stronger, wiser me.

I will never be someone who hates another. In fact that is that day that I would no longer feel like myself. Yes I admit that I do miss these people and nothing will ever take away the memories we have made – but I can’t forget that if I was once the object of their attention and affection; they to have made a decision about me that best suits the way they wish to live their lives now.

We are at odds. How odd, who would have ever known that we would become such strangers?

Time goes on, memories may fade in preciseness and detail with time. The only hope I have is that they have not forgotten me, the person that I really am.
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