Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Autumn/Self-Alteration

I have been changing lately. I know people say that they are going through changes all the time, but in all honesty these changes that I am going through have had a different motivational factor then in those in my past. Previously I have made changes to allow myself to heal and move-on; now the changes I'm making are to make myself a wiser and more mature adult and human being. One could say sharpening the tip of my pen to make myself flow with better direction.

I am aware that life is hectic, that we do not necessarily all strive to attain the same on this journey. In the past I was too harsh when people did not react or act the way I wanted them too, and I didn't consider that perhaps they were being the best version of themselves in that moment, just like me. Though it was never intentional for me to shun judgments on those people, I today realize I did without awareness. I also gave those who did not deserve my attention after crossing the line of showing me respect, too much boost from the battery of my energy. This was not their fault, for any man or woman when tempted with kindness would be inclined to accept a helping hand. Now I think why wait for them to show you respect, show your damnself the respect you seek everyday.

I can not really explain what has happened to me, it is like a part of me has awaken into consciousness that I was previously unaware, a part of me that I have never granted access to the forefront of my decisions and emotional outputs. I am aware of the expression that "happiness lies in your own hands," and today this is interrupted by me to be the ability to alternate a previous state of discouraging mind and take charge of moving on and seeking peace and love. What if your way of thinking in the past was not wrong, but the reasons why you allowed yourself to be uprooted gave little regard to keeping sacred a little part of you - no one else could buy this part of or from you.

My soul is not for sale, of that I am sure. You may flash your temptations, have me in the trance of lust, but I will persevere in the end and come back to me. We all need a reason to rise again, and I have found now that the reason is me. My ups, my down, my in, my outs, my spontaneity and my fears. You see for me true change is to improve yourself to live and breath as a better person, to make the life that you lead and those who you are blessed to have at your side be proud of the individual you are and unravel to be.

I am changing. When the first leaf hits the ground, the tree slowly begins to feel more comfortable letting go of the second, and the third. Revitalization is nature. I am human nature.

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