Saturday, June 20, 2009

Benevolent Shame

They say that time heals everything but I don’t think it’s completely true. When I think of you I maybe okay from the day-to-day, but when I see you somehow my heart still manages to fall apart with just one look from your magnetic gray eyes. Seeing you, remembering myself within a moment past looking at you, and in that instant seeing everything I thought I needed before my eyes.

I know I will never forget you because I would never want too. I carry a piece of you within me though it is mostly buried down low, like a sunken treasure sacredly hidden from being found by hands of those who want to examine it, disseminate it, disgrace it from the place where it should lay in eternal peace. The heart does not grow cold of you, nor does it forget that no matter how I may have risen in turbulence from the pressure that ripped my wings apart, tattoos are forever once they’ve been inked on the heart.

If you felt hurt I would reach out for you, if you lost someone you loved, I would mourn for you. If you went away, I would miss you.

That’s the thing about love, it doesn’t make sense in my mind but it stirs my sadistic, hedonistic heart. Keeping faith in knowing that you are loved is always important to me, not dwelling on the past and thinking of what a lamb you made of me. Pain, suffering, isolation, spasms of an erratic mind, I would never take back the sadness you caused me when you said goodbye, for without goodbye there would have never been a hello between you and I. You are still as beautiful as I remember you, like each day when I would raise the world by your side, with the sun shining through the window and look at you open your wild eyes.

I see you standing there across the room. I know you are no longer my lover or my friend, that there is a new woman in your life that makes you happy, that you and I have both moved on. Somehow I can’t help but sink a little into a shade of blue when we must once again part. I am a fool, I just want to be around you for every moment I can before we go back to black.

I finally had the chance to say goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend, with you in my heart I’ll stand by my love.
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